A/N: This is pure crack. Sorry in advance for my bad writing; this was written on a whim so I'm sure there are mistakes galore.
Gwaine had just entered his room after a long day of patrols with the Prince when he spotted it sitting inconspicuously on his table.
He picked up the plump form from where it lay cradled between rotting grapes and a deformed pear – such loveliness deserves more respect than to be placed among such refuse. He reclined against the silken sheets of his bed and propped his prize on his chest, marveling at its perfection. The sun shone through the window causing a halo to encompass its ruby red skin as he caressed the supple orb with his ruff, callused hand.
Never before has Gwaine gazed upon such stunning beauty. The innocent apple that lay upon him out shown all the many men and women he's bedded in the past, its flawless skin more dazzling than the finest court lady, its sent sweeter than the finest of perfumes.
As Gwaine continued to stroke the lovely fruit that lay above him he felt his arousal grow. He languidly ran a finger over its gleaming skin as he let his free hand run down his body and began to undo the laces of his trousers.
He had just undone his laces and was bringing the arousing fruit to rub against his throbbing length when Merlin burst through his door, panting looking as if he'd run the whole length of the castle to get there.
"Merlin, do you mind I'm in the middle of something?" Gwaine said, not bothering to cover himself, but instead possessively clutched his prize fruit to his chest while shooting a glare at his friend.
Merlin looked up from where he was bent over catching his breath and spied the apple clutched in Gwaine's hands and his undone trouser, but seemed pleased to see that things had yet to progress much further.
"Good I'm not too late then." The boy mumbled before saying a few words under his breath that Gwaine could not understand. Shortly after he felt a shiver go down his spine.
Gwaine bolted from where he sat and nearly threw the previously arousing fruit out the still open chamber door while simultaneously lacing his trousers. After years of being chased out of bed by angry husbands and fathers Gwaine was very good as lacing his britches quickly.
"What the hell was that!" Gwaine shouted and waved to where the apple landed in the middle of the hall.
Merlin just shrugged his shoulders. "Someone must have put a spell on you and Arthur while you were out on patrol. At least I stopped you before you did anything too embarrassing."
"What about Arthur?"
"Um… lets just say he won't being eating carrots for a while."
Merlin and Gwaine locked gazes and burst out laughing.