I Came(of Age)

A Clue fanfic

Today is an important day for Kasandra Scarlett. Today, she becomes an adult! Her mother, Ms. Scarlett, has called her. They are to meet in Ms. Scarlett's room in the Boddy Mansion. Kasandra is oh so excited; she hasn't seen her mother in years, as her mother remained in England while Kasandra had moved to America. More importantly, as she is becoming an adult, she wants gifts!

"Has my mother bought something for me? Perhaps she bought me a car! Maybe a Kürsa! Those cars are amazingly comfortable… everyone should have one!" she wonders, more interested in what her mother is going to gift her than actually meeting her mother.

Right now, she is flying to England, thanks to Birdish Airways, which seems to provide the best quality flights at the lowest prices. Amazing!

As she reaches the Boddy Mansion, she starts to feel nervous. She can't explain why, but there is something odd about this mansion. It is in middle of nowhere, for one, so I guess it's understandable that she feels nervous. Whatever! MOVING ON!

She enters the mansion, and her nervousness goes away. "Damn, this joint's hella neat!" she said. "How did anybody get enough money to afford this neatness!" she wonders.

After she comes out of her shock, she runs towards her mother's room. She's really fast! She must be wearing Naik shoes, because she's running really fuckin' fast. Those shoes are the best…

The Scarletts are now reunited; Kasandra wonders what her mother has got for her. "It has been quite some time since we have been together, my child" said Ms. Scarlett, "I am very happy that you managed to get here. I don't even remember giving you directions on how to get to this mansion so I must say I am surprised! You are probably expecting a gift?" asked Ms. Scarlett, to which Kasandra replied with "HELL YEAH! What did you get me!"

Ms. Scarlett is shocked by how rude and stupid her daughter is, but no matter, she pulls out a dagger. "What the HELL is this shit!" screamed Kasandra. "This is a dagger. This is part of your coming of age ritual. You are not an adult worthy of the Scarlett name until you have completed this ritual" answered Ms. Scarlett.

"I don't have time for stupid rituals, mom. What happens if I don't wanna deal with this stupid ritual bullshit?" asked Kasandra. "I will kill you" answered Ms. Scarlett. Kasandra has gone pale. She can't believe what is going on. Her mother didn't buy her a car! Not even a shitty one! Certainly not a Kürsa! She can't believe this! Oh yeah, she's also shocked her mother wants to kill her. Kinda.

"Mother, you're crazy!" screamed Kasandra. "You're probably sad I didn't get you a stupid car, right? Why do you even want a car? Listen, I will buy you a stupid car once you complete this ritual. I also give you the gift of staying alive. I say it is a very nice gift!" replied her mother.

"Now we're talking! I will do this ritual… what's the ritual anyway?" asked Kasandra. "You have to take this Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife. Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knives are the best. This Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife is certainly the best one for this job. Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knives are the best ones for any job, really, even peeling delicious fruit" replied Ms. Scarlett.

"Wait a second, KILLING knife? Who do I have to kill? Who stands between me and my Kürsa!" asked Kasandra. "You must kill Mr. Boddy, the owner of this mansion. You must accomplish what I could not!" said Ms. Scarlett. "Why do you want to kill this guy?" asked Kasandra.

"I want this mansion for myself. I tried to kill Mr. Boddy as my coming of age ritual. This was many years ago, obviously. He was much more energetic. Now he is an old man. Weakened by his old age, he should not be too hard to assassinate now. You must do this and replace, find his will and replace it with this fake one, so that I may inherit this mansion!" explained Kasandra.

"Is that even gonna work? Whatever, I don't care!" said Kasandra as she picked up the Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife and rushed to complete her mission.

Kasandra entered Mr. Boddy's room. "Ack! Who are you!" screamed Mr. Boddy, surprised to see a new face in the mansion. "Say, you do look quite a lot like… Ms. Scarlett. Are you her daughter?" asked Mr. Boddy. "Yeah" replied Kasandra. "I see. What brings you here? What do you—AUGH!" Mr. Boddy was speaking but he was interrupted. Interrupted by a Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife to the stomach, specifically. "Daaamn… that's… a nice knife…" said Mr. Boddy, with his last breath. "Thank you!" replied Kasandra.

She promptly found the Mr. Boddy's will, which she burned and placed the one her mother had given to her on Mr. Boddy's corpse. She thought it was all done and she could finally get her mother to buy her that awesome, comfortable and beautiful Kürsa car she wants. But it's not over yet.

"What have you done!" a mysterious young man appeared from behind Kasandra. "Who the hell are you!" asked Kasandra. "Why would I tell my name to a murderer like you!" replied the young man. "Because… hey! What are you carrying that amazingly sexy and powerful Tolc Revolver around for?" asked Kasandra. "You're here for the same reason as I, aren't you?" asked Kasandra.

"Well, actually, yeah. My dad wanted me to kill that stupid old man so he could inherit the mansion or some such shit. My name's Jack Mustard, by the way…" replied the young man. "Man, this really sounds like a fuckin' horrible story! Like, if this was a book, who would write this kinda shit? It's amazing, really. Dad wanted me to kill the guy so I could be worthy of my family name and I wanted my coming of age gift so like this shit happened but what am I gonna do now that you killed him already oh my-" was saying Jack until he too was interrupted by a Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife to the stomach.

"You talk too friggin' much! AAAAAAAAA!" said Kasandra. "This knife… is the knife… that keeps… knifing…" said Jack with his last breath, obviously making no sense. But the Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife IS a really nice knife…

Now, after killing Jack and Mr. Boddy, Kasandra rushed to speak with her mother about that Kürsa. "You have done well, Kas!" said Ms. Scarlett.

"But why did you kill Jack too?" she asked. "He wouldn't shut up" replied Kasandra. "You really are worthy of being called my daughter, Kasandra. Yes. You have earned the right to keep your life and you have earned your Kürsa car."

"About time!" replied Kasandra, excited to finally have a Kürsa car. I can see why, those cars really are amazingly comfortable.

"What did you do with the Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife, however?" asked Ms. Scarlett. "Here it is!" said Kasandra as she gave the Firabarin-Seksy Killing Knife back to her mother. "Ah, good, you didn't lose it! I do not care that it is proof of the murders, it's just that they do not make knives of such high quality anymore" said Ms. Scarlett to herself, as she hadn't realized that Kasandra had already ran away to check her Kürsa.

The car was not there anymore.

Kasandra had disappeared.

"That girl really is amazing. I still hadn't given her the keys!" said Ms. Scarlett.

Kasandra was cruisin', I tell you what, with her amazing new Kürsa. She didn't care about anything anymore. But then! She crashed! She died! Poor Kasandra Scarlett, died because she didn't even actually know how to drive a car. The saddest thing is that she messed up a perfectly fine and new Kürsa car. What a waste…

Oh yeah, Ms. Scarlett was killed by Colonel Mustard as revenge for his son's death. The mansion was demolished (with all remaining residents still inside) and everybody lived happily ever after. Except those that died. Which were a lot.

-The End-