Another breather before continuing Secret War Part 2.
Fed up with the Winchesters and Castiel not returning his calls, tweets, or liking his Facebook posts, Crowley decides to get revenge. He kidnaps the trio and forces them to watch the worst movie ever made, but things go awry when Crowley is betrayed.
Please review.
Please enjoy. :)
Troll Flick 2 synopsis: erdni a bed tyme off war. avln dgreabns retun. no kin g fight don;t whot? theb seliers fend nro crqvs?=Denmark Pofela gradf ansk werpumsp fin 5th qwtes,, vrpop the rain?
FADE IN:
INT. BUNKER – SAM'S ROOM – NIGHT
SAM sings into a hair brush as Avril Lavigne's Complicated plays.
Someone pounds on his door.
Sam shuts the music off, tosses the comb on his bed, and cracks open the door.
SAM
Oh, um, hey, Dean.
DEAN
I was just gonna ask you to keep it down. What was that noise?
SAM
Just watching some… porn. Yeah, that's it.
DEAN
Liar. What kind?
SAM
Dolphin?
Dean looks at Sam. Neither says a word for a good minute.
DEAN
Ho-kay. Just try to keep it down alright?
SAM
Sure thing, boss. What are you doing that's so important anyway?
DEAN
Never you mind.
CASTIEL appears with a book.
CASTIEL
Dean? Do you still want me to read Good Night Moon to you?
Sam looks at Dean.
DEAN
You didn't hear that. Cas was just kidding. Right, Cas?
CASTIEL
You seemed very adamant about me reading—
DEAN
Let's all just go back to what we were doing.
Dean exits.
Castiel holds back.
SAM
What?
CASTIEL
I heart Avril too. Your secret's safe with me.
They share an awkward fist bump.
SAM
Thanks, Cas.
Someone rings the doorbell.
INT. BUNKER – MAIN HALLWAY - NIGHT
Dean holds a gun. Sam comes in, gun drawn. Castiel is armed with an angel blade.
DEAN
We have a doorbell?
SAM
Yeah, a friend helped install it.
BOB THE BUILDER
I CAN FUCKING FIX ANYTHIING!
Bob overdoses on every drug known to man.
Dean opens the door.
Two sexy cheerleaders, TEGAN (brunette) and SARA (blonde) raise their pom-poms and begin a cheer.
The guys all hide their weapons.
SARA and TEGAN
We're sugar and spice!
And everything nice!
DEAN
(dancing)
Hell yeah!
SARA and TEGAN
We come in peace!
No need to fight!
DEAN
(with his own pom-poms)
Damn right!
SAM
Dude, really?
SARA and TEGAN
Just relax!
While we distract you with racks!
CASTIEL
Good form!
Dean smiles at the cheerleaders and his eyes cross.
SARA and TEGAN
Mr. Crowley sent us here!
Now your s**t we must jack!
SAM
What was that last part?
Sara and Tegan blow silver powder at them.
Dean and Sam collapse.
CASTIEL
What did you do?
CROWLEY appears and knocks Castiel out with some brass knuckles.
CROWLEY
Attack! Attack! Attack!
SOOBERNATRAL: SUPERNATURAL ABRIDGED
"Troll Flick the Sequel 2: Return of the Brzlnrp"
INT. COLLEGE - BASEMENT - NIGHT
Castiel awakens. He's tied to a chair. Sam and Dean sit a few feet away also tied and unconscious.
CASTIEL
Sam! Dean! Wake up!
The door opens and Tegan walks in with an unpopped bag of popcorn. She hums a Ke$ha song to herself and puts the popcorn in a microwave. She stops, noticing Castiel for the first time.
TEGAN
Oh, hi. I'm Tegan. Can't believe you're here. I'm not supposed to talk to you.
CASTIEL
I realize we've just officially met and I don't know if I'm using it correctly, but just what the f**k is your problem?
TEGAN
Me? No problem. I mean, there was that stalking phase that escalated to attempted arson, but everyone has little hiccups in college.
CASTIEL
Er, right. So you're working for Crowley. Why? What does he want?
Sara walks in with a movie projector.
SARA
Tegan, what did Mr. Crowley say about not talking to his guests?
TEGAN
My bad, Sara. Cass is just so SQUEAL!
SARA
Tegan, we're bright, independent women. Control yourself.
DEAN
(waking up)
Two things. One, did you just add an extra "S" to his name? And two, did you just s-
SARA
SQUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLLLLL!
DEAN
Damn! Lower the volume. Chuck damn cheerleaders. I swear.
SARA
IT'S DEANNNNNNNNN!
SAM
No. That is not how you do it at all.
CASTIEL
Actually, Dean, I'm fine with "Cas" or Cass".
DEAN
You really wanna talk about this now?
SAM
Tell me you girls didn't make a deal with Crowley?
SARA
First of all, we're women.
DEAN
Ah yeah.
Sam gives him a look.
DEAN
Oh right.
SARA
Second, do we look stupid?
A pause. A tumbleweed rolls by.
SAM
Well, you are working for Crowley. What's in it for you?
TEGAN
You guys.
DEAN
Oh shit! This is like Hostel, isn't it? Oh shit!
SARA
We're big fans of the Supernatural books. Will you sign my bra?
DEAN
Shockingly no.
SAM
Look, just untie us and we'll sign anything you want.
TEGAN
Deal!
Sam grins to Castiel and Dean as Tegan starts to untie his ropes.
Tegan is pushed onto a couch.
Crowley enters, wearing a beret and holding a large megaphone.
SARA
Mr. Crowley.
CROWLEY
Good help is so hard to etcetera.
TEGAN
I was just—
CROWLEY
Silence, you sniveling sycophant!
SAM
F**k you want, Crowley?
CROWLEY
You have the gall to ask me that after what you did?!
SAM
(nodding)
Yeah.
CROWLEY
You lot slighted me!
DEAN
Untie us and we'll be more than happy to do it again.
CASTIEL
What did you hit me with?
CROWLEY
Brass knuckles. Melted down from an angel blade, naturally. But there's more where that came from. Watch out for me on the next Shark Tank. As to what I want, Sumbo, that's quite simple. Revenge. Ladies?
Tegan pops the popcorn, while Sara sets up the projector.
SARA
Ready when you are, Mr. C.
CROWLEY
Prepare yourselves, gentleman, for the worst movie ever made!
SAM
(gasps)
Manos: The Hands of Fate?!
CROWLEY
What? No. Troll Flick 2.
DEAN
This is sad, Crowley. Even for you.
CROWLEY
We'll see who has the last hurrah when your minds are reduced to nothing but mush. Sara? Tegan, is it? Unfortunately, I'm going to have to let you go. Budget cuts.
SARA
That's what we figured.
TEGAN
Which is why we covered this place in devil traps.
Sara turns off the lights. Devil traps appear all over the basement.
CROWLEY
What do you think you're doing?! Do you know who you're dealing with?!
SARA
Of course. We also know the first rule.
TEGAN
Tee hee!
CASTIEL
Tegan, I'm guessing you're the one with the most issues?
TEGAN
I can't wait to read you the poem I wrote about you, Caz.
(whispering to a freaked out Castiel)
That's my nickname for you. It's like Chaz but not.
Castiel nods and leans back as Tegan tries to kiss him.
SARA
Come on, Tegan, we have a final to study for. And a negotiation to finalize with a certain red-headed demon.
TEGAN
Okay, as long she promises not to hurt my Caz.
DEAN
Cas, are you familiar with the film Misery?
CASTIEL
No. Why?
DEAN
I just got this feeling.
Sara slams the door behind her and Tegan and a series of locks click into place.
CROWLEY
This can't be happening!
The movie begins.
CROWLEY
No… No… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
SAM
At least there's popcorn.
DEAN
Which I want this time by the way.
SAM
Sure you wouldn't rather have some goobers?
Castiel whispers to Dean.
DEAN
Yes, I know what they are, Cas!
CROWLEY
And how they taste.
DEAN
Crowley, I freakin' swear!
Crowley sighs and takes a seat.
The lights dim. Four silhouettes appear just like Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Words appear on the screen.
Deferf felm raoted P
SAM
How the fuck can a film be rated P? Just how screwed are we?
CROWLEY
My advice to you all is to find your safe place. It's the only way to hold on to your sanity.
NILBOG CINEMA PRESENTS
"tR OlL fLICk ThE sEQuEl 2: rEtuRn ofthe BRzLNrp
Crowley rocks back and forth.
CROWLEY
Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream. Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream.
DEAN
F**k.
BIG FOOT wears shorts and plays beach volley ball with two young kids.
CASTIEL
Where are their parents?
DEAN
Big hairy bastard probably ate 'em.
SAM
Yeah, cause droids don't pull your arms outta their sockets when they lose.
DEAN
Nice.
SAM
I've got an idea. Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!
Sam looks around. Nothing happens.
SAM
Damn!
DEAN
At least you tried.
CASTIEL
I fail to see how a coked up Michael Keaton can help.
BEETLEKEATON
You'd be coked up too if f**king Ben Affleck was playing an iconic character you played decades earlier!
BEN AFFLECK
How do you like them apples?!
BEETLEKEATON
That wasn't even your line!
BIG FOOT
Remember, kids. Safety first! High-five!
DEAN
An American Werewolf in Ah, Who the Fuck Really Cares?
Sam opens the popcorn.
Now a skinny surfer helps a bikini girl put the finishing touches on a sand castle.
SAM
Is this the same movie or just a really bad preview?
CASTIEL
I'm not certain there's a difference.
DEAN
Yo, Sam! Popcorn me!
Sam tosses some popcorn at Dean, but it falls to the ground.
DEAN
Dude, you're throwing arm sucks.
SAM
Shut up, Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean!
BIKINI GIRL
Neato!
DEAN
Was this shot in the fifties?
BIKINI GIRL
Thanks for your help, Trevor!
TREVOR
Noooooooooooo problem!
Sam and Dean laugh.
SAM
Ten to one this guy is a resident of Squaresville.
CROWLEY
(snapping out of it)
No! All wrong. You're not supposed to be enjoying it.
CASTIEL
Crowley, it's not possible for anyone to enjoy this film.
BIKINI GIRL
Trevor, you know how the dance is coming up?
TREVOR
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-huh.
SAM
The Dance?
DEAN
Yeah, it's like The Prom but for super lame adults.
BIKINI GIRL
I-I-I-
CROWLEY
I-I-I have Tourette's. Fuck! Shit! Curd!
TREVOR
Saaaaaaaaaaay no more.
SAM
Please!
Someone in the worst alien costume ever kicks over Trevor's sand castle.
BIKINI GIRL
Oh no! A monster! Run! It's a monster!
DEAN
If you leave now you can still recover at least some of your dignity.
TREVOR
I'll saaaaaaaaaave you!
The alien punches Trevor's head off. The dummy head, which looks nothing like Trevor, lands in Bikini Girl's hands.
SAM
So much for that.
BIKINI GIRL
No! Trevor, speak to me!
CROWLEY
Really? Are you f**king five?
Now there is a classroom full of students.
DEAN
Dead Poets Society: The Richard Donner Cut.
Dean reaches for some popcorn.
DEAN
These kernels feel weird.
SAM
Dean, you're touching my nuts!
DEAN
You didn't say stop!
A TEACHER with two heads limps in.
CASTIEL
Yeah, that's normal.
CROWLEY
Today class, we learn about mutations.
They laugh.
TEACHER
(squeaky voice)
Open your text books to pages three-twenty-five.
DEAN
F**king guy's a freak!
SAM
See, Igor? All those night classes did pay off.
TEACHER
I am very fond of the role of Romeo, so I'll be playing him.
SAM
Bullshit!
TEACHER
Now who wants to read the part of Juliet?
CASTIEL
Emil the Night Janitor.
They all laugh.
Now a music video(?) plays. A gang of CLOWNS ride tricycles, surrounding a barber shop and its patrons.
DEAN
No fucking way, dude!
CROWLEY
It's the ICP. I'm Certainly Pathetic.
CLOWN 1
Oh girl, I'm singing to you!
SAM
Even though she and no one else want you to!
CLOWN 1
Just let me fill you up with my clowny love!
DEAN
Hell to the no. Now wipe that crap off your face, bub!
Clowns dance around Clown 1 and Clown 2 as he raps and vamps for the camera.
CLOWN 2
You and me all night on the dance flo!
CASTIEL
What?
CLOWN 2
I promise not to treat yo body like a painted ho!
SAM
Huh? I guess that's good. Have her body home before eleven.
Cops arrive, but are afraid of the clowns who have no weapons.
CLOWN 2
See my small car and my wide shoes, b?
DEAN
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn?
CLOWN 2
Girl, what do ya think all that means?
SAM
She picks shitty really creepy boyfriends?
DEAN
Dude, why are the cops afraid of them? They rod up on trikes.
In the end, everyone is wearing clown make-up and dancing.
CROWELY
The hell?!
SAM
So the moral of the story is if you have a crush on someone start a clown epidemic?
DEAN
Who the f**k was patient zero?
A poorly made stop motion movie plays.
SAM
Behind the Music: Robot Chicken. We were so high.
Sam throws some popcorn into the air and catches it in his mouth. He gets choked.
SAM
(gagging)
D-D-Dean!
DEAN
Yes, honey?
SAM
I-I'm f-f-fucking chok—
DEAN
Spit it out, Sam!
CROWLEY
First time you heard those words, huh, Sam?
DEAN
What are you implying?
CASTIEL
Sam, think of something scary. Boo!
Sam turns blue.
DEAN
No, Cas. That's for hiccups.
CROWLEY
Try shoving more popcorn in there. I hear that helps.
DEAN
Shut up, Crowley.
Sam beats his chest.
DEAN
Mark Wahlberg in Fear!
SAM
I-I-'m gag! Not p-p-playing charades, jerk!
DEAN
Bitch.
Crowley slaps Sam on the back. The popcorn hits the screen, making a small hole in it.
CROWLEY
You owe me one, Moose.
SAM
I have a gift card.
CROWLEY
Well? Can I have it?
SAM
No.
CROWLEY
The kindness of people.
DEAN
Cue the Sara Mclachlan.
CROWLEY
Savages! Every damn one.
The film makers give up and words appear on the screen.
CASTIEL
And it begins. Still no trolls.
Torlb ler frezack! Noffe mey g8a5 ! "replyed queen. Won ee tr but hone kr the aeg;e. blalalk! Frie OEN1 frye TOW! Crewizy (99 tltl rvaton)9(
What do you mean he's dead?! Are we still rolling?! Oh sh-
SCENE MISSING
CROWLEY
Easily the best scene in this whole film.
Krlwy: Crum bak!
Drefn ul noxx. Wtoe dery!? 42#
! derlin com in the houz wit shitgun. BOM! BOM ! Bomm! Hi
DEAN
Imagine the poor bastard who got shot with one of those.
de the body! No one can ever find ou-Fewati! Verkn^ - gfrythhot!
Alloop! Franwah! Yst trok! "felighn fie way hom e ans cene
DEAN
And here is your host, Alex Trebek!
SAM
(as Alex Trebek)
Fuck this. Retirement here I come.
Doerf ne he bey boy. Tom nik! Sedzeed cristphoter. 2werjer boh ; sdhwq
CASTIEL
Chuck have mercy.
Relop? ISh Thz RAeL DeN HreRY SWED non boo ts an dweithin.
Crum! Yobensin tgauk fer too!
Thez p0rl0oz wde$=q
DEAN
Before you decide to have story time for kids you may want to hire someone who can read and doesn't suffer from the worst case of dyslexia EVER!
CASTIEL
Good point.
DEAN
I'm angry about this!
Someone dressed as SANTA with no shirt on, trashes a Christmas tree. It looks like security footage.
CROWLEY
It would seem the Paranormal Activity franchise has decided to go another direction.
The bad Santa walks up to a fish bowl, and pulls his pants down.
SAM
WHAT THE FUCK?!
DEAN
He's not gonna –
The Santa pees in the fish bowl.
ALL
Ew! Yuck!
SAM
What the hell did those kids do to deserve that?!
DEAN
What did the goldfish do?!
SANTA
(slurring)
Merly Chrimah, batch!
POLICE OFFICERS rush in with taser guns.
POLICE OFFICER 1
Get on the ground!
CASTIEL
The urine covered ground. That poor goldfish.
SANTA
Sharon! You said you'd never leave me!
SAM
Unfortunately sanity and sobriety never took the same vow.
POLICE OFFICER 2
Get on the ground! You're going to get tased!
SANTA
(taking his belt off and swinging it wildly)
HAANUUUKKAAAAAAH!
The officers tase him and he convulses on the ground.
SAM
Hash tag I am a real American. Fight for the rights of every ma – AHHHHHH!
A video of Crowley plays. He's wearing a bath robe and singing Katy Perry's Roar.
CROWLEY
Shut it off! That's private!
DEAN
Well I have seen enough.
The video cuts to Tegan. She's wearing a tight fitting Red Sox jersey and holding a piece of paper.
CROWLEY
Five hundred big ones say it's a much revised suicide note.
DEAN
Wait a minute. I should watch this.
SAM
For what?
DEAN
For research. Crazy sexy research.
SAM
Dean, you're slobbering.
DEAN
Slow now, baby.
SAM
Dean! You're confusing porn with reality again!
TEGAN
To my darling, my angel. My Caz.
CROWLEY
Yes, I'd imagine a number of cats are in your future. What little remains, that is.
TEGAN
Caz, you are the cool wind beneath my pelican wings.
CASTIEL
Someone kill me.
CROWLEY
Time and place.
TEGAN
When I think of the sun and its warmth, I think about you.
DEAN
Are a warm bath and a plug and play involved?
SAM
For shame.
A video of Sara plays over Tegan. She is wearing a stripperiffic outfit.
SARA
I'm usually a Dean girl.
DEAN
Someone untie me!
SAM
For shame.
SARA
But tonight, I'm feeling like a Sam fan.
SAM
Hoochie mama!
Sara and Tegan run in. Sara shuts off the movie.
DEAN
Aw. I mean, finally.
SARA
You weren't supposed to see that.
Sara blushes.
Dean grins at her.
SAM
She's a psycho, dude.
DEAN
Don't judge. I'm sure these girls – these women just got mixed up in something that grew so big it –
SAM
It what?
CASTIEL
Dean? Do - Do you have an erection?
DEAN
Seriously, someone untie me!
SARA
We could enslave you all with magic, but that would be wrong.
TEGAN
Bad wrong.
CASTIEL
So you're letting us go?
SARA
No, we're taking you to a good taxidermist.
DEAN
The f**k you say?
TEGAN
We're going to have you stuffed! Oh, Caz, you'd make the perfect life-sized pillow! SQUEAL!
DEAN
Chuck damn it! This whole night is spiraling out of control! I just wanted to hear some Good Night Moon and get some Chuck damn shut-eye!
SAM
So Cas was reading to you?
CROWLEY
I could see that.
DEAN and CASTIEL
Shut up, Crowley!
CROWLEY
Castiel's voice can be surprisingly soothing.
CASTIEL
Thanks. I think.
TEGAN
Sara? What about Abby?
SARA
It's "Abaddon" and if she hears you call her that you'll wish you had gotten accepted into Herp Derp U.
Tegan nervously chews on her hair.
DEAN
Deal breaker?
CASTIEL
One of many, yes.
SAM
You two are just playing with fire.
DEAN
Yeah, the kind that burns!
Sam looks at him.
DEAN
The blood just started flowing upwards again. It's the best I got right now.
SAM
Demons lie and kill. That's it. Is all this really worth your souls?
CROWLEY
Don't listen to that overgrown Paul Bunyan offshoot! I can give you whatever your hearts desire. I can give you gold!
DEAN
What are you, a leprechaun?
Sara and Tegan walk away from them and whisper to each other. Tegan looks at Castiel, then frowns. She nods to Sara. They walk back to them.
SARA
We've made up our minds. We know what we want.
INT. COLLEGE – HALLWAY - NIGHT
Sara and Tegan stand by the door. ABADDON saunters up.
ABADDON
Well? Where are they?
SARA
In there.
Abaddon smiles and enters the basement.
INT. COLLEGE – BASEMENT – NIGHT
A round silhouette works at the projector.
ABADDON
What the hell?
The lights come on.
GRIMACE is petting a cat and sitting in a chair.
Abaddon is in a devil's trap.
ABADDON
I hope this little joke of yours was worth it, girls.
SARA
It was.
TEGAN
Grimace gave us his share of the company. We're rich, bitch! Laters.
They walk away.
ABADDON
Wait! You can't leave me here with this thing!
She turns back to Grimace.
ABADDON
What are you looking at? Hellhound got your tongue?
Grimace just stares at her. It's unsettling.
ABADDON
Well?
GRIMACE
We're gonna be pals for a loooooooooooooooooong time, right, kitty?
He hits a button on the projector and a movie starts up.
ABADDON
Hey, this looks like … No… No… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Frem de mykeers ov twROL combs
"KavmaN dAN"
A poorly dressed caveman holding a painted yard stick for a club walks down the street.
A white drug dealer in blackface with fake dreadlocks shuffles over ot him.
DRUG DEALER
Hay mane. Wenta be sum dreeeegs?
CAVEMAN DAN
RHRAGH! MEY KNO DO CURACK! CURACK IZ WEHACK!
ABADDON
It's… It's worst than Shazam!
GRIMACE
And twice as long.
ABADDON
You're all purple and not breathing. W-what the hell is wrong with you? What the hell are you?!
GRIMACE
(petting cat)
Soft kitty. Warm kitty. Little ball of fur. Happy kitty. Sleepy kitty. Purr Purr Purr!
Grimace stuffs the cat into his mouth, eating it whole.
A cat face appears, trying to claw out of his stomach, but eventually disappears.
He sighs, pats his belly, then slowly turns to face Abaddon.
Abaddon screams.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Crowley is chained to a flag pole.
CROWLEY
Nations will burn for this!
Someone walks out of the shadows.
CROWLEY
Oh thank Caligula. Could you uncuff me? The keys are just over… there…
It's the Santa from the tape. And he's been drinking Cracohol. It's exactly what it sounds like.
CROWLEY
Oh no...
SANTA
Why did you leave me, Sharon?!
CROWLEY
Perhaps we could make a deal?
SANTA
HAANUUUKKAAAAH!
He unzips his fly and urinates on Crowley.
Crowley cries.
Angel by Sara Mclachlan plays.
INT. NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT
A crowded night club.
Get Lucky plays.
Sam, Dean, and Castiel dance.
SAM
See? I told you this was a good idea.
Sam does the robot.
DEAN
Dude, one more Jell-O shot and I'm busting out the worm!
Castiel walks over to the DJ. It's GABRIEL.
CASTIEL
Gabriel?
GABRIEL
Shh. I'm incognito.
CASTIEL
I thought you were dead?
GABRIEL
Yeah, about that…
Avril Lavigne's Complicated plays over credits.
Hro jrnsokn lebeygl! (_0_)_(_0_)
THE END?