NOTE: this is a parody, written from the perspective of Phelous's Character "Old Man", as well as involves several characters. I own nothing here besides this story.
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One day, after getting back home from selling Beauty to another Beast again, I was forced to read a terrible creepypasta about Sonic called . It started with-wait, why am I saying this? Know what? I created a video on it. Go watch that.
Anyway, this night I had a SPOOKY dream about Sonic the Hedgehog. It began with me standing in a rowboat in the middle of an endless ocean that was red and the color of blood, but apparently not actually blood? I don't know. It was inconsistent about that. Anyway, the sky was dark and stormy, and I kept hearing Kefka laughs in the background. This went on for 30 minutes. I was apparently supposed to be scared, but as a smart dreamer, I merely felt incredibly annoyed and bored. I told myself that this was a stupid dream, and that there was nothing wrong with that, besides it being incredibly boring and idiotic. Just like Beauty! HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Anyway, after waiting for 15 minutes, the bad red eye Sonic that is TOTALLY not a ripoff of Metal Sonic and a unique character tossed something down from the sky. It was Tails, but with his eyes missing, and instead now bleeding sockets! I don't know why, but I felt a level of concern! Or, well, something. ANYWAY, the 'Tails' fell into the red water, rendering it completely useless. Then, The kefka laugh was heard again, only this time louder! It kinda heart my ears, which made me wonder why I didn't wake up. I mean, it was obviously going nowhere. Yet, for some reason, I continued sleeping. Probably because of the booze I borrowed from Wabuu: he may have put something in it.
ANYWAY, after ANOTHER 15 MINUTES, he threw down a Knuckles, which instead of just having its eyes missing, was also on fire. The red water turned into red steam when the body hit it, filling the air with the smell of Code Red Mountain Dew. So I guess it wasn't blood after all, despite it being more ambiguous earlier on. Oh well, I guess that solves that mystery! It was simply an awful soft drink!
AGAIN, due to being apparently super precise, he dropped-to the surprise of everyone-DR EGGMAN! AND HE WAS A HYPER REALISTIC SKELETON! Obviously, this was quite scary, until he splashed into the water and became absolutely useless.
For a full minute, apparently, I felt relieved, until I suddenly heard that FUCKING STUPID UNSCARY KEFKA LAUGH and turned around to see-to my shock-the Evil . He then said in a raspy voice that didn't at all sound like a twelve year old kid using a voice changer, "I'm X, mortal," before laughing again. Thankfully, I didn't waist anytime as I snuck up behind him while he was still doing his whole laughing thing, which was suppose to go on for a full minute as well. Then, placing my hands on his head, I broke his neck the same way I did it to that ugly son of mine who needed to be put down for his own good, before tossing him into the water.
After doing this, the dream thingy turned pitch black as I fell into a state of extreme unconsciousness. I have no idea how long this was, but the next moment I was awake, lying in a pile of garbage in an alleyway. I then heard a familiar voice say, after a laugh, "the old man is sooooo stupid." Waking up, I saw that fucking raccoon bastard wearing a pair of aviators with two hookers by his side, smiling at me like a fucking jackass. He might as well have splashed me with water, for how useless I felt.
Then, suddenly, some kid on a skateboard leaped over them and behind me, before flipping it up with his foot and catching it in his hand. He said, looking hungrily at Wabuu, "well, well, well, looks like we've got some new meat." Wabuu then pulled out his axe. Deciding not get involved, I let loose a wild scream, which seemed to confuse the two and let me make my escape. Unfortunately, Wabuu had taken all the money I got from the Beast for selling my useless ju-I mean my Beauty, but thankfully I found a Sonic Plush, which I sold on eBay to my rich idiot cousin whose also a mayor.
At any rate, that's the story behind how I got the money to buy a new ship called the Titanic! I think this is a wise investment, since it's apparently unsinkable! No worries about the things inside it getting wet! And by things, I mean people! Men, women, and children, all on a single ship! This is by far the smartest financial decision I've ever made!
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This is one of my first attempts at writing with these characters and writing something like this. I hope you found this enjoyable, even if it's pretty rough.
I hope you take the time to watch the "Old Man Reads Creepypasta" video for this. It was my inspiration!