Just a one-shot tag for the end of the epi My Bloody Valentine.

Disclaimer: Usual…not mine, wish they were, but nope, no such luck.

Warning: Heavy-duty Dean angst.

Unanswered Prayers

My life holds no more light anymore. All the little things I used to take pleasure in…to seek refuge in when things got to be too much…hold no solace for me any more. Food, drink, sex, driving, spending time with my family and the very few friends I have left to me…all of it just feels empty and hollow to me now.

Famine was right. I don't feel anything, not anything but used up…hollow…useless…weak…

Broken.

Utterly and completely broken.

When I came back, I tried desperately to keep up pretenses…to make every one believe what I always used to claim: that I was fine, never better. Not that they actually believed me, but I think some part of them needed to hear that. Sammy and Bobby…they needed to hear that I was just like I used to be…before Hell.

I'm not. I never will be again.

Everything is so big, so massive and crushing now. If I screw up, it's not just me that will pay now, it's everyone. It's too much. Too much to bear.

I still stand up when I get knocked down, out of pure stubbornness now. Because really, what do I have to live for anymore? I'm a failure. An epically big failure and I damned us all to eternal Hell because of it.

Every time I get thrown down, a bigger and bigger part of me just doesn't want to get back up again. I have nothing left to live for. My life is not my own anymore, if it ever was to begin with…

God help me, but I wish I'd never been born. Never been reborn. Never been saved at all.

I don't know how long I can keep doing this…

Cas told me once to pray, well I have…every day. I pray for this to end. I pray for death and oblivion. I pray for help, for answers…I pray, but I can never hear an answer.

I'm so lost, so dead inside. I don't have the strength to keep getting back up anymore. I fear one of these days, one day very soon, I will fall and I will just lay down and let myself die. The unfortunate thing is, I know, without a doubt, that I will be made to rise again, whether by Sam or the Zachariah and the douchebag angels or Michael…by whoever. It doesn't matter. I will never be allowed to rest because there really is no rest for the wicked.

Please God…if you're out there…if you can hear me…let me go.

Just…let me go…

A/N: This just sort of crawled up into my brain after tonight's epi...I still have a couple of other stories and chapter updates written but not typed yet, too, so I'll be hopefully able to get those up and running soon, too.

As always, please, please, PLEASE Read & Review!!! (They are my deep-fried crack…. ;) )

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