rant

As you read, this is a little rant I have. No hate, no anger, just some thoughts that I mixed in with some humor because I was bored and school had me in essay mode. It's a fun little mash up of what it might be like actually going to the transformers universe and what we really might get instead of what we expect. I had it stalled on my computer for a while and I thought it would be fun to share. ENJOY!

"Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing."

It was one of my favorite lines, maybe it was because Optimus Prime said it or the reason that it spoke deeply to me, even if it did come from a movie. (Or maybe because I like the deep rich molasses way Optimus prime says it.) I wasn't and still am not one to fully accept that there's true fate, I believe that things happen for a reason and we just like to call it fate to make the moment seem more appetizing than having to go to a friends house for no reason but a five hour dinner special. ("Why did you show up late?" - "Because fate told me to click 'play next episode'".)

I'm a fan of Transformers, maybe not hardcore like those fans who've watched every episode of every Transformers show and/or movie's, but I love them to death and since being a part of the fandom I've become a newer, more extroverted person. I've longed since dreamed of being sucked into one of the transformers universes, preferable Bayverse or Prime series, but any one would be awesome. There's no understandable reason for my longing, I have a great family, I live a great life that verges on normal and a little bit mentally insane, and I've been privileged enough to work hard and earn my own stuff.

The real reason is that I want the experience, I want to know first hand what it would be like. I like to imagine it'd be all grace and glory, standing before Optimus Prime himself, having good chats with drift and Hound or learning some stunts from Crosshairs; maybe having girl talks with Arcee or learning stunt moves from Wheeljack, the possibilities are endless. But deep down I would be truly fearful. I like to think of the Decepticons as ones who wouldn't harm the fangirl, after all, each story doesn't posses the amount of pain the Decepticons would truly bring onto a human being who potentially knowns all their secrets and what future moves to make. (Phew that was a mouthful) I know it'd be torturous if I were caught in their universe, they'd spare no mercy and I would win no heart/spark, like my or anyone else's characters do in fan fictions. (Let's face it, we'd all be dead within a week, if we were lucky to survive the first day.)

The truth of the matter is, I would probably win no spark of anyone there because let's face it, human + alien = disaster on astronomical levels. (Think of the babies, people, the poor mutilated half-alien, half-human babies! Think of the Babiiiiieees.) Unless of course I was sent there as one of them, then maybe I would have a chance. . . If I weren't a sparkling to them. (Thinking of teenagerish ageish - almost twentyish sparkling.) I like to write YA fics usually where my young character is trying to find herself and is coming of age, while the one whom she falls in love with already knows himself. And of course I justify their long extended age difference by saying that Cybertronians aging sequence is different than a humans, thus, old to us would be young to them and as humans they would appear as a younger age than one-million-fifty-thousand-and-three years of age. (Because everyone wants to date an alien in human form all crippled with white hair either gone or frazzled out. But hey, they're alien right?)

The journey through their universe as well, wouldn't be as cracked up as I think it would be. If I did happen to find myself there as a Cybertronian myself, I would expect great things, like fighting skills, weapons mastery and anything else; the reality though is that I'd probably fall on my aft more than a few times trying to stand up for the first time and the embarrassment would send me into a tizzy. (That's considering I haven't already embarrassed myself just speaking.) Then there's the reality of actually fighting, and lets face it, I couldn't fight off a cyber-hound even if it were bound in shackles and had a muzzle on. And weapons, please, I can't pick up a hand-gun without complaining that it's heavy (In my defense, I was nine the first and last time I ever held a real gun). I'd most likely be trained for my own safety and that'd end in disaster itself because I'm a writer, not a fighter; and I'm more stubborn than Megatron in the Pits of Kaon when I want to be. (Plus when you get me in my moods. . . Whew-we, someone film it because I need some blackmail!)

I don't even want to talk about this, but then there's transforming and literally driving yourself without your human body physically pressing down on the pedals. First I'd have to master the art of Transformation - wouldn't that be fun - I'd be down on the ground looking like a grotesque piece of whatever you'd call me stuck in mid-transformation. (Somebody order insta-Dali?) Most likely I'd get stuck somewhere between getting my seats into position and trying to force my head under my cars hood. I wouldn't even need Decepticons around to make my vehicle form look like it'd driven right through a World War Two war-zone. Once I'd learned how to transform, driving comes next and let's just say the others would learn real quickly how fast one femme could knock down trees and send a rich luscious forest on the endangered list. Still I'd want to learn because it fascinates me with how a Cybertronian could control themselves without a physical body - as I stated above - as a human I find it equally weird and incomprehensible that one doesn't need feet, but just a strong and steady mindset - which both I don't really find I have most of the time. I would probably knock down every pole in my path trying to drive straight, and lets not even go onto the topic of how many times I'd get pulled over for an officer thinking I was drunk out of my mind. No, it'd take a while and I'd probably get it, but I don't like to think that it would be hard and that being one of them would take more than half a year to understand the basics; equally more than one year to actually become a Junior Master. (If I survived that long, I could imagine the Autobots giving me pats on the back wondering how the heck I have even made it that far.)

Then if I were human in that universe, well, it'd be just as hard. I mean, just imagine walking up to one of the Bots - or Cons - and randomly saying 'Hi, my name is L. K. B, and I know every piece of information about you and your destroyed planet. . . By the way you've never met me in person nor have I had any affiliation with NEST beside a bag that I bought online'. That'd go over pretty freakin' well, considering most of them would glitch and I wouldn't have to deal with any wrath until they awoke and I had found myself a nice quiet place to hide. The Autobots I'd have to say would probably be more lenient and would listen to what I'd have to say happened, while the Decepticons, I'd be screwed beyond screwed. (Yes, officer, I'd like to report myself being HANGED UPSIDE DOWN IN A DECEPTICON BASE BY CHAINS.)

To follow if I were human in their realm, coming from mine, I'd have to deal with the fact that when one of them drove me around, I'd be having anxiety galore - as if I don't suffer enough from it. Just watching the wheel move by itself with no solid person behind it actually, physically with two eyes watching the road, I'd probably faint until we reached our destination. (Actually that's not true, I would pester them until they annoyingly caved in to turning on their holoform for me.) It would be so awkward and scary, even though I'd know they were the best drivers out there and I could trust no one more. I would have to deal with the fact that I'd have the feeling that no one was in control, when in fact there was nothing but utter control during the duration of the drive.

So even though my characters would survive in their universe, could I? It's a serious question for those of us who wish to actually experience the place once, but truthfully, it'd be a progressive survival, no 'Oh, I'm in the Transformers universe, okay, let's get this party goin'!'. It'd instead be, 'Oh crap, sweet, no, no, no, no. I can't wait to meet everyone. This is bad, this is very, very, very bad. I have to be brave. . . Who am I kidding, I can't even stand up to a dime sized spider!'. To sum it up, I'd be exactly like Rapunzel from Tangled, both excited and scared while having twinges of hope and reality smacks of doubt.

I'd love to go, even though I know it'd never happen, but the experience would be great and I mean, who doesn't want to boast to their friends about actually skipping universes; I don't know a person who wouldn't. So, in the meantime of waiting for someone on the other end to screw up an inter-dimensional machine, I'll just patiently wait here and keep writing what I love most