Stalemate

AN: Frustrated by the lack of progress in Beckett and Castle's relationship, I thought of all the ways the stalemate between them could end - for the good or the bad. This will be a collection of one-shots that explores the different things that could happen to finally (please, just resolve it already) upset the status quot.

Disclaimer: fan fiction = these characters are not mine...

#1 Anniversaries

The fasten seat belt sign finally turned off with a ding, but he, unlike the other passengers, didn't move to unclasp the restraint. He was leaning his head against the side of the plane, eyes closed, hoping he appeared to be asleep, hoping not to be interrupted. He was barely holding himself together and the last thing he needed was to break down in this sparsely populated first class cabin on a 16 hour flight overseas.

He glanced at his watch, noting they'd been in the air almost an hour. Fifteen hours to go... He thought about how he'd expected it to be a single defining moment that would determine the next stage of their partnership. Hopefully it would be a night of passion after they couldn't deny their feelings any longer. More likely, it would be a relationship-ending fight after revealing secrets and betrayals. Either of those would have seemed fitting but that was not how it happened.

Over the four years they'd worked together, the steps forward had been so slow and careful, but they were there, tangible proof that he wasn't a fool for his patience, his devotion. They gave him enough hope to hold onto when his strength began to wane. The little glances, smiles and touches encouraged him to continue to fight for each tiny crack in the wall around Kate's heart.

He'd barely noticed the shift at first. Something seemed off, but he tried to convince himself it was temporary - a reaction to this or that event. But eventually, he'd had to accept the truth. After Sophia, things had stopped moving forward. There had been no progress in their relationship.

He'd been able to hang on through the stall, assuring himself that it was a temporary set back, a natural reaction to all that Sophia brought to the surface. He'd managed, just barely, to stay in the fight. To give her the space she seemed to need and to wait for her.

He kept going until the anniversary of her shooting. That was when the steps backwards had started. That was when she started pulling away. The first time she didn't call for a case, he dismissed it. He told himself she knew about his looming deadline. She called with another case a few days later and everything seemed normal enough.

A couple of weeks later, he had walking home from dinner with Alexis when he was surprised to see Beckett, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, and Jenny in a bar across town from The Old Haunt. He told himself that they knew of his plans with Alexis. They knew news spending all the time he could with her before she left for school. That's why they hadn't mentioned their plans. Four weeks later, two team lunches he hadn't known about and three more cases with no calls were making it harder for him to remain optimistic.

But it was their time in the car, alone, riding to and from witness interviews and crime scenes that really convinced him she was pushing him away. They hadn't discussed anything personal in weeks and whenever he tried to bring something up, she skillfully side stepped the topic. The last straw had been when Alexis decided to go out of state for school. He'd been upset for days. When he tried to bring it up with Kate, she had snapped at him, "Alexis is an adult now and has to live her own life. It's selfish of you to want her to stay close to home." He had been stunned by her exasperation when she was usually so supportive of his issues with his daughter. It was then that he realized that their relationship was never going to be what he wanted.

He'd made his decision that evening but didn't tell anyone. He didn't want to pretend to be happy about his upcoming "adventure" So he'd quietly made his plans and waited until Alexis had gotten settled at school. It seemed fitting to him that yesterday, his last day at the precinct had been the anniversary of the book signing where he'd first seen her again after the summer of her shooting. That day on the swings, he'd begun to have a glimmer of hope. He'd decided that day to wait as long as it took. She was worth it. They were worth it. They might still be, but he wasn't strong enough to stick around and find out.

His thoughts drifted to early this morning, when he'd made a stop on the way to the airport. He couldn't help the tear that fell on the note as he read it one last time before slipping it under her door.

Kate,

I'm just not strong enough to do this any more. I'm sorry.

Good-bye,

Rick

Which is what led to his current plan of action - to run and hide - in a foreign country, where he was unknown and would be left alone. That's all he really wanted at this point. To be left the hell alone to lick his wounds and try to find some new purpose in his life. He checked his watch again and saw that the reminiscence had occupied another 2 hours of the flight. "The time can't go fast enough," he thought as he tried to stop the whirling in his mind and let the emptiness of sleep overtake him.