Not mine and and never will be. They belong to JE. I'll just keep Ranger for a little while and then sadly will return him.

Musings, Memories & Maybes

by

SueB

"Captain?"

It must be time.

"Captain Manoso?" The Blackhawk's crew member raised his voice to compete with the roar of the helicopter's rotors. Or, maybe he thought he had to wake me up.

I wasn't asleep. Hadn't slept since leaving Trenton. Hell, hadn't slept last night in Trenton either. I answered, "Yeah." Hope he wasn't expecting a salute. I was out of uniform. Already dressed for drug trafficking success.

"Sir, we're due at 1900 hours. That's about ten minutes from now."

I nodded with my eyes closed.

He didn't go away. I could feel his breath on my cheek. Minty fresh. Gum. Spearmint? Wintergreen? I never can tell which one is which. He leaned in to talk right in my ear.

"It's a quick exit, Sir. We only hover for fifteen seconds. You'll have to drop, duck and run."

I looked at him for the first time -- really looked. A corporal. Corporal James if I believed his name tape. Fresh face. Bet he hadn't shaved for a week and he still didn't need to. God, he was young. Or I was old. Getting old. Too old for this shit.

"Not my first barbecue, Soldier," I said. "I know the drill." It came out harsher than I intended.

"Yes Sir," he replied looking away and quickly backing off.

If I didn't know better I'd think I hurt his feelings. Christ, I probably had. Poor kid. He was only doing his job. Trying to keep me from losing my head. Just because I was feeling like a bad ass didn't mean I should take it out on him.

"Corporal?"

The kid's attention snapped to me immediately. "Sir?"

"Thank you. I appreciate the ride."

He flashed me a toothy grin. I was too easily forgiven. "No problem, Sir. Our pleasure." The grin again. "Ten days, Sir. We'll be back for you."

"That will be even more appreciated," I said gathering my gear. To myself I thought, 'I hope to hell I'll be here.'

The temperature rose as the chopper descended. I dropped, ducked and hit the ground running as instructed. The air was hot and thick, so moist I thought I should be swimming instead of jogging on the path leading to the jungle. It was nothing like last night.

*****

I felt the chill in the breeze because I had dressed for where I was going not for where I'd be until the time to leave. My destination only had one season and cool nights and crisp mornings played no part in it.

"Babe."

She sat on the fire escape. Shivering.

"Want a sweater?"

She shook her head. Was silent for a minute and then said, "When do you leave?"

"Not til morning,"

She let out the breath that she'd been holding.

As I crawled out the window she scooted forward and I sat down behind her, pulled her against my chest, wrapped her in my arms. Before long neither one of us was cold.

Used to be I didn't tell her I was going. Hell, sometimes I didn't know myself until an hour before. Tank had standing orders for after I was gone to make sure she was taken care of, to let her know the guys were watching out. I still don't tell her when they send for me, but if there's lead time she knows the signs. I become distant, spend more hours on mysterious phone calls, fewer on company business. But now, before I go, I always come to see her. She's brave. She makes me strong. She is the driving force for my return but I never say "goodbye".

With her long curls tickling my face, I nuzzled her neck. Kissed a sensitive spot. Inhaled her essence -- memorizing it to take along. More than once that memory alone had brought me back.

She gave up a little sigh, relaxed in my arms, melded with my body. Cradled between my legs she slowly ran her hands up and down my thighs. Her fingertips caressed the fabric of my pants, testing it. She turned enough to take in my appearance. It's a little game we play.

My clothes were thin and light in color. My hair had grown. I always keep it long, but this was more than usual. I'd left it loose and it was thick and shiny. Her eyes shone blue and mischievous as she studied me. I had a three-day growth of beard. With one hand she tucked my hair behind my ear. My lips twitched, an almost smile as I recognized the gesture I so often used on her. Her eyes flashed, triumphant at her discovery -- a huge diamond stud anchored in my earlobe.

Steph never asks about my work. She knows I couldn't tell her if she did. But, she likes to guess. She's smart, perceptive. She's almost never wrong.

She got up on her knees and rubbed her soft cheek across the stubble on my face. Her tongue flicked out and around the earring she'd revealed. My whole body tightened.

"Babe," I growled. "You after my jewels?"

"You know it, Soldier," was her husky reply.

But she hadn't finished playing, she had a game to win. "Drugs and the jungle," she reasoned correctly. Softly, "It's hot where you are going." Then, "I'm sorry that you're going to miss it."

"Miss what, Babe," I asked.

"Autumn," she replied. "Red and yellow falling leaves, apple cider, pumpkins." Mock horror. "Halloween!"

It's her favorite time of year. I started, "I'll be back for.........."

Gentle fingers on my lips stopped me. I forgot, but she did not. Coming back was not a given. I left a promise in my kiss.

*****

The chopper appeared right on schedule. I was there with minutes to spare. This time I had twenty seconds and I hauled ass across the open space between my cover and the bird -- diving headfirst into the bay.

"Welcome aboard, Captain." A friendly voice. The first I'd heard in days.

I'd killed. Several times over. Nothing I hadn't done before, but it never got easier. Thank God. My handlers would be pleased. Mission accomplished. Given my results and special status, I'd have a hefty paycheck. Bonus money. I trusted that the world would be a better, safer place because of what I'd done. But how often could I bump up against my destiny and come away unscathed?

Knotted in my thoughts, I missed the tenor of the crew. Not until we'd set down safely did I note the absence of young Corporal James.

As I offered my thanks to the pilot I told him, "Your man, James, took good care of me on the way out. Tell him I missed him."

I froze when the man's face went blank. Froze because I knew that look, used it myself to mask the way I felt.

"What happened to him?" I had to know.

The pilot was a seasoned veteran, but his blank face failed him. He had to clear his throat before he spoke. "Orders for Afghanistan. Came in the day we dropped you. Second day there. He and seven others. Roadside bomb."

"I'm very sorry," I said squeezing his shoulder.

All the way to Trenton, the only thing I thought -- Corporal James is missing fall and would forever more, but I was not.

And never would again.

The End