ZUTARA WEEK 2009 Day 7: LICK

Too Soon to Say Goodbye

Disclaimer: Avatar: the Last Airbender belongs to Bryke, but Zutara week belongs to all Zutarians.

NOTE: One of the hardest prompts to work with but I did find two situations to match my take on it. Rather sad and dramatic pieces but I am quite satisfied with them.

This one is set many many many years after the series. Very dark and a bit depressing. And warning: lots of character death.

Deeply inspired by the final act of "Les Miserables". I shamefully quote some lyrics in this text.

Hope you like the final installments of my Zutara Week marathon! :)

--

"Zuko, Fire Lord to our nation for…

She listened numbly to the Fire Sage's recitation of Zuko's achievements and the enumeration of his family tree.

She could hardly hear anything, her eyes stared dazedly at the bier, her cheeks streaked with drying tears.

"We lay you to rest."

As she watched the funeral flames lick his body, a devastating realization came over her.

This was the greatest loss she had ever had to bear.

And she did not know she would endure it.

Somehow, everyone else's passing had been tolerable, sometimes even expected. She knew that it was cruel to think so but that was truly how she felt and it was useless to conceal any of these feelings now.

When Aang had gone, she had felt deeply saddened, but also happy for him. He had gone the way he had wished. He had lived to see his duties fulfilled and the world at peace. In the many years that followed the end of the war, nothing had gone severely astray and he had been able to regain some of that carefree innocence he had lost.

They had all prepared greatly for his passing so the period of grieving had not been too long.

They had been content to remember all the good times they had had together, as each of them patiently waited for his or her time to come.

Many, many years had passed for them all. Their children were grown and had children of their own.

The world was moving fast, but thankfully, in the right direction. For the past few years, they had lived quiet, simple lives, content to leave the running of the world to the younger generation.

They had all done much in their time, so much more than had been expected of them.

One by one, everyone took that journey to the Spirit World. Sokka had gone and less than a year later, Suki had followed.

Mai, who had grown to be a good friend of Katara's, left Zuko alone several years ago and Katara had been there to comfort him in his mourning.

And unexpectedly, Toph had passed as well. Katara had been with the great earthbender in her final moments, and to Katara's surprise, Toph had gone with that characteristic grin of hers.

"I'll see you and Sparky on the other side," were the blind earthbender's last words and Katara had squeezed her hand affectionately.

Toph had had no regrets. And Katara wished that she could have been as lucky.

But still, Katara had never had to come to terms with this much grief and loss, not even when nearly everyone else had bid her farewell.

It was because he had remained by her side through every death.

She could endure every sorrow for as long as she had him there. They were the last ones standing but they had found such comfort in each other in his last days.

And though she knew that their time was coming, she had never imagined that he would leave her first.

She shook her head at her foolishness.

For some delusional moments, she had believed that they were immortal, the two of them, standing together through the test of time.

And for as long he stood by her, even if the kind of love they shared came so much later than they would have wanted, everything would be all right.

But she had not been granted that final luxury.

He would leave her first and she had not even seen it coming.

"Why?" she assailed the heavens with her tearful questioning.

Why was she the only one left?

And why had they taken the person whom she had come to value most?

--

Through the years, she had wondered what had come over her when she had treated him so badly upon his joining the group. She marveled about how blinded by anger and prejudice she had been back then, and was glad that she had finally seen reason and forgiven him.

There was so much about him which she had failed to see back then. And she had learned to appreciate him so much later.

He had ruled justly and efficiently and the Fire Nation had enjoyed a period of peace and prosperity which it had not had for more than a century. The strained relations with the other nations were remedied and the demolished walls of Ba Sing Se had not been rebuilt.

There was still the occasional conflict, but with the Avatar there to maintain the balance, nothing ever came close to the war again.

"I am so glad that I've somehow cleanse my family's name and restored a fraction of our honor," Zuko had confided to her once.

"Don't be too modest," she had teased him, "you've done so much more than that."

He had thanked her for her confidence in him and she had realized that deep down he had always been that modest.

Although outwardly he would act stubborn and proud, he was really a gentle, kind, and selfless person. He wasn't quite as forward about his intentions as Aang had been, but he was not less caring for others.

In fact, it had been this noble nature of his that had gotten him into trouble with his father and earned him the scar that had marked him for the rest of his life (he had refused Katara's subsequent offers to heal it, being somewhat proud of what he had had to endure).

Katara supposed that Mai had seen Zuko's true nature long before she had bothered to discover it.

Zuko had always spoken so highly of his wife and he had often said how lucky he felt for having someone like her by his side.

Meaning no offense to Mai, Katara believed that it was the wife who was lucky to have such a husband. But the waterbender figured that it was all really a matter of perspective.

Katara only recently admitted that she had been envious of Mai's good fortune.

--

So many memories began to bombard her as she watched the funeral rites. All the years that had passed, all the adventures they had had, all the trials they had endured.

The ties between their nations and their families as well had been cemented as they shared the years together. And they all served as the examples to the next generations of how the world was supposed to be.

--

But all these lofty achievements aside, Katara had been content to simply spend quiet afternoons sipping tea with her best friend. And to his credit, his tea-brewing skills had significantly improved, although he would never be as good as Iroh had been.

Deeds of greatness she now left to her children. For the first time in her life, she would be idle.

Such inactivity would have been a torment to her if she had been alone. But he had always been there, and they had set aside all their sorrow, content in each other's presence.

The time they spent together, those precious moments when he could get away from his duties, were opportunities they had never had before.

And he had come to realize that of all the members of the Avatar's group, she had been the one closest to his heart.

--

Hers had been a truly eventful and fulfilling life.

But greedy and selfish though it seemed now, she wished she could have had him with her for much longer. Or at least long enough for them to leave the world together.

But it was not meant to be.

This was the biggest frustration the Spirits had ever given her.

He had gone in his sleep and she had not been by his side. No one had been there.

"You were alone until the end," she thought tearfully, "why could I not have been there for you?"

And now, she was alone as well. Utterly and completely. Inconsolably.

It broke her heart to think that he had not wanted to say good-bye to her.

Would she have been able to bear it, seeing him close his eyes for the last time?

Perhaps not.

Perhaps he had meant to spare her that final heartbreak, to ease the pain she would feel.

But it still hurt, it still stung, and it still broke her completely.

"You could have waited for me," she scolded him silently, "we could have gone together."

The whole world mourned his passing, almost as much as they had the Avatar's.

But none felt the pain more acutely than she.

"It's too soon," she whispered, tears flowing down her cheeks, "too soon to say good-bye."

--

They were waiting for her. He was waiting for her.

And though for the first time, she now contemplated taking her own life, speeding up her demise, she knew that he would not have wanted her to do so.

For however long the time she had left in this world, she would have to live and be patient. She prayed for enough strength.

--

Katara took a few, slow and cautious steps forward to pay her last respects.

Gently, she kissed her palm and then laid it on the side of the ceremonial barrier, the closest she could get to his remains.

She whispered low and softly, keeping this last request just between the two of them.

"Please, come for me soon."