One Day
"But your time ends here... the human being still cannot be in this ship..."
The soft words left the Count's lips, a single tear rolled down his pale face. I felt a soft push from the Count but that small move had thrown me out of the ship. Falling down endlessly... until now. That was the first time I saw him crying... for me, and yet he was smiling down at me. Such a smile that made my whole body froze as I realized he pushed me out of the ship. Out of his world...
I woke up with a start; I always do whenever I dreamt of him. Cold sweat rolled down my face and I trembled at the memory. His smile, his tear and his eyes... everything about him. He had left for years now.
I know I am still seeking for him blindly, even if I know that he will not come back. Somehow I know that but my whole being just denied it. Sometimes I found my steps led me to the old pet shop and I would stand there for hours just staring at the door. The shop had been left empty. I think it is because of the fondness of the Chinese upon him that made them left the shop as it is.
Sometimes I would walk in and sat on the same chair I used to sit and stared into the emptiness there. Wishing so much that he is still here, offering me his tea and his all too sweet cookies.
This is not me... people might laugh if they know how much I am screwed now that the Count had left me. I started to imagine things, hear things, smell things and even see things. I wondered whether I am loosing my mind now.
Jill always said I am still what I am, the grumpy and the uncontrolled bastard the LAPD will always have. She always smiled gently and knowingly at me, she knew. She knew what I felt about this whole thing.
She told me one morning that one will never realized that something is precious until he lost it. I told her to mind her own business and she had left me with a soft pat on my head, which made me growled at her. But I knew what she said is true.
He came to me that night... that night years ago. I was having the same dream, him whispering that sentence and pushed me out. I woke up with tears rolled down my eyes. I cried that night, feeling miserable and rejected. Yes, that was what I felt when he pushed me out. I felt rejected by him. It was just as if those two years of relation meant nothing to him. Well, he cried... I saw him cried as he pushed me. I knew somehow that he also felt miserable.
"You BASTARD!!! Come out here if you dare!!" I had shouted so angrily at my ceiling that night.
Oh, by the way I had taken off all my posters. I don't want him to hurt his nails again by pulling those posters down. I was just pretending that one day if he ever came back he would start shouting at me and pulling those posters down. I chuckled at the thought and covered my face with my two hands.
"Hello, Keiji san..."
My whole body froze at the voice. Slowly I put my hands down and glanced at the direction of the voice. There he was, standing in front of my desk, as calm as usual, dress in one of his beautiful chong sams. He smiled at me gently, yeah ... that was a gentle smile, the one he always used to Chris, my brother.
"Having a bad dream...?" he asked in whisper as he approached my bed.
I lost my voice, lost control upon my own body; I was practically stunned there. My eyes went wide showing all the shock. He gave me one of his sly smirks and said, "you lost your voice, Keiji san?"
With that I received the full impact of my own shock. I pulled his collar and shouted at him, "BASTARD!! What are you doing here now?!"
The Count chuckled at the used of language but he simply smiled and held out two cups of tea out of nowhere.
"To have tea with you, of course..."
My mouth dropped, how can he be so calm and be so... so... so ANNOYING? Here I am having bad dreams about him all the time, and suddenly he appeared out of nowhere to have tea WITH ME? That was not FAIR at all! I am going to sue him!
He laid the tea and all the sweet he brought on my bed. Ignoring the shock state I was in. He offered one of the cups and I accepted without second thought. We drank in silent. I felt the liquid down my throat, calming my emotion and clearing my mind.
"Pon chan asked me to say hello to you, Keiji san. Tetsu chan said he couldn't wait to eat you..." Count D said in smile as he took one of the cookies and bit into it.
I said nothing. Simply looking at him was enough for me. I reached out to touch him unconsciously, making sure that he was really there. My hand came to his hair, down to his face, lips and slowly cupped his face with my palm.
"Is this a dream...?" the question came without me knowing it. The Count smiled and pinched my cheeks hard. REALLY HARD. I shouted and jumped, felt both my cheeks hurt. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THAT FOR?"
"You were asking whether this is dream or not... and I am showing you." He said innocently and took his tea again. I growled and sat down next to him.
"Why do you come?" I asked.
"I see that you took off all your posters..."
"DON'T change the subject, Count!" I growled.
He smiled as usual. "Nothing special. Do I have to have reason for coming?"
"Er..." I stammered, "... well, not really... I mean, no."
"Then why bother about it?" he said. Softly he patted my head and then pulled me down so that my head lay on his laps.
"Sleep, Keiji san... you need to wake early tomorrow," he said softly. I wanted to jump and growl at him but I felt my eyes closed in defeat.
"Sleep, Leon... I'll be here... for you..."
I felt sleep draped its blanket upon me and welcome me in its embrace.
The next morning, I had woken up with a smile on my face. I have never slept so well for such a long time. I thought it was all a dream until I saw a cup of morning tea and breakfast on my table.
He came once in a while now. Always at nighttime. Woke me up with his voice, or simply kicked me hard. We would have tea and chat for things. They never lasted more than 10 minutes. I would drift off to sleep even if I am not willing to.
I started to buy cakes and cookies that I know he likes so much and simply put them on the table. We would sometimes eat them together in one of his visits or they would simply gone the next morning, replaced by a cup of hot tea.
One morning Jill came to me and asked whether you had come. She said I smelled like your shop. She came that day, and smiled at me, seeing the sweets I had on my table and collection of my tea cups that keep getting more and more with every visit, because you never brought them back with you. She said my home started to look and smelled like your old pet shop, Count.
I told him what Jill told me that night he visited. He simply smiled, but that was a disturbed smile. I didn't want to ask because I want every visit to be beautiful and perfect. For somehow I know that one day you will stop coming.
I am having less and less bad dreams now, thanks to you. Later on, I started to date Jill. Slowly I realized that she had been there for me all the time. Watching me with her gentle eyes. It wasn't easy at all, because I realized the more I fall in love with Jill, the less your visits became.
We had never talked about Jill, haven't we, Count? Jill once asked me whether I love you or not. I told her that yes, I love you but not the same way like I love her, and I will always love you no matter what.
It is something that grows within me. That day I proposed to her was the last time you came. You came to congratulate me, you even promised me a special wedding cake. I chuckled and hugged you. That was a warm hug and came from the depth of my heart. You hugged me with the same gentleness you always lulled me to sleep with, but I knew that you felt lonely.
I remembered telling you not to feel lonely because I will always be here for you with your favorite cake as I fall asleep on your lap. That was the last time I saw you. I remembered a far away whisper, "until you can fly..." that was your last word to me.
Jill and I got married, we are as happy as we can be. I still bought cakes for you. I realized that sometimes they disappeared in the morning and replaced by a cup of tea. I knew that sometimes it was Jill who did that and not you. The tea she made was different from yours but I thanked her for that and loved her for that.
We had a son; you would love him. I knew it. I named him Christopher, just like my brother's name. Because I wanted him to see and believe what Chris saw and believed.
His middle name is "D". Christopher D Orcott. That D has nothing to stand for. Just a simple D, to remind him of his father's best friend, you.
Little Chris would tell me once in while at breakfast time that he met a Chinese man who has many friends with him. I knew it was you. I think I have changed, I used to deny all fantasy things because I am detective and I worked with reality.
I would ruffle my boy's blonde hair and told him to say hello to that Chinese guy he met. Not to forget Tetsu chan and Pon chan as well.
Chris is now working with the FBI. One day he ran to my house and shouted that Count D's pet shop has reopened. I jumped and together we ran to the old shop you owned.
There you are in your usual beautiful chong sams. But as I got near I realized it was not you at all. It was your son. I smiled politely at him as Chris introduced himself. He looked exactly like you but with short hair, I had a feeling that he is much more modern than you. But he is not you. Different soul.
I told him to send a message to you.
"Until I can fly."
Little Chris is now a regular guest in your pet shop. He had taken all the pets there as his own pets. Your son told Jill that little Chris is a happy little man that he needs no pet of his own. I let my son decides his own future and belief.
I am getting old now. O, don't laugh at me. You know it's true. You never came anymore, my friend. You still took the cakes I bought for you, next time I would have to put the bill as well! I still drink the tea you left for me.
Do you still come to little Chris at night? He is growing now and started to keep secrets from me, I hope it was not your teaching! My life is in its fullest now. I have a wife, a son, my brother and my other family. But no you.
Sometimes I came to your pet shop to see your face. To see you in your son...
That night I dream about you again, after so many years of peaceful nights. I saw your ship with you in it. You leaned down and smiled.
"Well... have you learnt how to fly, Leon?" that was the first time you called me with my name, Count. No... D....
I saw Tetsu chan and Pon chan behind you and all the others. They are smiling at me. Pon chan laughed her childish giggles and said, "He will need a pair of wings for that, Count..."
"Can I eat him yet?!" Tetsu chan protested behind you. I laughed as I saw Pon chan hit his head and he bit her in return.
I grinned and laughed out loud. "Tell Tetsu chan, he can have a bite when I can fly. And Pon chan can climb me whenever she wants..."
You smiled your rare gentle smile at me and held out your hand. I took it and intertwined our fingers.
"Until I can fly... D."
"Until you can fly... Leon."
You squeezed my hand a little to assure me that you will always wait for me then let my hand go. I saw you and your ship flew away.
I heard a soft whisper as I woke up.
"Until you can fly... Leon. I'll see you then..."
I turned my head and saw a cup of hot tea on my bedside table. I smiled and took it gently. Drank it while it's hot. That's what you always told me to do... D.
"But your time ends here... the human being still cannot be in this ship..."
The soft words left the Count's lips, a single tear rolled down his pale face. I felt a soft push from the Count but that small move had thrown me out of the ship. Falling down endlessly... until now. That was the first time I saw him crying... for me, and yet he was smiling down at me. Such a smile that made my whole body froze as I realized he pushed me out of the ship. Out of his world...
I woke up with a start; I always do whenever I dreamt of him. Cold sweat rolled down my face and I trembled at the memory. His smile, his tear and his eyes... everything about him. He had left for years now.
I know I am still seeking for him blindly, even if I know that he will not come back. Somehow I know that but my whole being just denied it. Sometimes I found my steps led me to the old pet shop and I would stand there for hours just staring at the door. The shop had been left empty. I think it is because of the fondness of the Chinese upon him that made them left the shop as it is.
Sometimes I would walk in and sat on the same chair I used to sit and stared into the emptiness there. Wishing so much that he is still here, offering me his tea and his all too sweet cookies.
This is not me... people might laugh if they know how much I am screwed now that the Count had left me. I started to imagine things, hear things, smell things and even see things. I wondered whether I am loosing my mind now.
Jill always said I am still what I am, the grumpy and the uncontrolled bastard the LAPD will always have. She always smiled gently and knowingly at me, she knew. She knew what I felt about this whole thing.
She told me one morning that one will never realized that something is precious until he lost it. I told her to mind her own business and she had left me with a soft pat on my head, which made me growled at her. But I knew what she said is true.
He came to me that night... that night years ago. I was having the same dream, him whispering that sentence and pushed me out. I woke up with tears rolled down my eyes. I cried that night, feeling miserable and rejected. Yes, that was what I felt when he pushed me out. I felt rejected by him. It was just as if those two years of relation meant nothing to him. Well, he cried... I saw him cried as he pushed me. I knew somehow that he also felt miserable.
"You BASTARD!!! Come out here if you dare!!" I had shouted so angrily at my ceiling that night.
Oh, by the way I had taken off all my posters. I don't want him to hurt his nails again by pulling those posters down. I was just pretending that one day if he ever came back he would start shouting at me and pulling those posters down. I chuckled at the thought and covered my face with my two hands.
"Hello, Keiji san..."
My whole body froze at the voice. Slowly I put my hands down and glanced at the direction of the voice. There he was, standing in front of my desk, as calm as usual, dress in one of his beautiful chong sams. He smiled at me gently, yeah ... that was a gentle smile, the one he always used to Chris, my brother.
"Having a bad dream...?" he asked in whisper as he approached my bed.
I lost my voice, lost control upon my own body; I was practically stunned there. My eyes went wide showing all the shock. He gave me one of his sly smirks and said, "you lost your voice, Keiji san?"
With that I received the full impact of my own shock. I pulled his collar and shouted at him, "BASTARD!! What are you doing here now?!"
The Count chuckled at the used of language but he simply smiled and held out two cups of tea out of nowhere.
"To have tea with you, of course..."
My mouth dropped, how can he be so calm and be so... so... so ANNOYING? Here I am having bad dreams about him all the time, and suddenly he appeared out of nowhere to have tea WITH ME? That was not FAIR at all! I am going to sue him!
He laid the tea and all the sweet he brought on my bed. Ignoring the shock state I was in. He offered one of the cups and I accepted without second thought. We drank in silent. I felt the liquid down my throat, calming my emotion and clearing my mind.
"Pon chan asked me to say hello to you, Keiji san. Tetsu chan said he couldn't wait to eat you..." Count D said in smile as he took one of the cookies and bit into it.
I said nothing. Simply looking at him was enough for me. I reached out to touch him unconsciously, making sure that he was really there. My hand came to his hair, down to his face, lips and slowly cupped his face with my palm.
"Is this a dream...?" the question came without me knowing it. The Count smiled and pinched my cheeks hard. REALLY HARD. I shouted and jumped, felt both my cheeks hurt. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THAT FOR?"
"You were asking whether this is dream or not... and I am showing you." He said innocently and took his tea again. I growled and sat down next to him.
"Why do you come?" I asked.
"I see that you took off all your posters..."
"DON'T change the subject, Count!" I growled.
He smiled as usual. "Nothing special. Do I have to have reason for coming?"
"Er..." I stammered, "... well, not really... I mean, no."
"Then why bother about it?" he said. Softly he patted my head and then pulled me down so that my head lay on his laps.
"Sleep, Keiji san... you need to wake early tomorrow," he said softly. I wanted to jump and growl at him but I felt my eyes closed in defeat.
"Sleep, Leon... I'll be here... for you..."
I felt sleep draped its blanket upon me and welcome me in its embrace.
The next morning, I had woken up with a smile on my face. I have never slept so well for such a long time. I thought it was all a dream until I saw a cup of morning tea and breakfast on my table.
He came once in a while now. Always at nighttime. Woke me up with his voice, or simply kicked me hard. We would have tea and chat for things. They never lasted more than 10 minutes. I would drift off to sleep even if I am not willing to.
I started to buy cakes and cookies that I know he likes so much and simply put them on the table. We would sometimes eat them together in one of his visits or they would simply gone the next morning, replaced by a cup of hot tea.
One morning Jill came to me and asked whether you had come. She said I smelled like your shop. She came that day, and smiled at me, seeing the sweets I had on my table and collection of my tea cups that keep getting more and more with every visit, because you never brought them back with you. She said my home started to look and smelled like your old pet shop, Count.
I told him what Jill told me that night he visited. He simply smiled, but that was a disturbed smile. I didn't want to ask because I want every visit to be beautiful and perfect. For somehow I know that one day you will stop coming.
I am having less and less bad dreams now, thanks to you. Later on, I started to date Jill. Slowly I realized that she had been there for me all the time. Watching me with her gentle eyes. It wasn't easy at all, because I realized the more I fall in love with Jill, the less your visits became.
We had never talked about Jill, haven't we, Count? Jill once asked me whether I love you or not. I told her that yes, I love you but not the same way like I love her, and I will always love you no matter what.
It is something that grows within me. That day I proposed to her was the last time you came. You came to congratulate me, you even promised me a special wedding cake. I chuckled and hugged you. That was a warm hug and came from the depth of my heart. You hugged me with the same gentleness you always lulled me to sleep with, but I knew that you felt lonely.
I remembered telling you not to feel lonely because I will always be here for you with your favorite cake as I fall asleep on your lap. That was the last time I saw you. I remembered a far away whisper, "until you can fly..." that was your last word to me.
Jill and I got married, we are as happy as we can be. I still bought cakes for you. I realized that sometimes they disappeared in the morning and replaced by a cup of tea. I knew that sometimes it was Jill who did that and not you. The tea she made was different from yours but I thanked her for that and loved her for that.
We had a son; you would love him. I knew it. I named him Christopher, just like my brother's name. Because I wanted him to see and believe what Chris saw and believed.
His middle name is "D". Christopher D Orcott. That D has nothing to stand for. Just a simple D, to remind him of his father's best friend, you.
Little Chris would tell me once in while at breakfast time that he met a Chinese man who has many friends with him. I knew it was you. I think I have changed, I used to deny all fantasy things because I am detective and I worked with reality.
I would ruffle my boy's blonde hair and told him to say hello to that Chinese guy he met. Not to forget Tetsu chan and Pon chan as well.
Chris is now working with the FBI. One day he ran to my house and shouted that Count D's pet shop has reopened. I jumped and together we ran to the old shop you owned.
There you are in your usual beautiful chong sams. But as I got near I realized it was not you at all. It was your son. I smiled politely at him as Chris introduced himself. He looked exactly like you but with short hair, I had a feeling that he is much more modern than you. But he is not you. Different soul.
I told him to send a message to you.
"Until I can fly."
Little Chris is now a regular guest in your pet shop. He had taken all the pets there as his own pets. Your son told Jill that little Chris is a happy little man that he needs no pet of his own. I let my son decides his own future and belief.
I am getting old now. O, don't laugh at me. You know it's true. You never came anymore, my friend. You still took the cakes I bought for you, next time I would have to put the bill as well! I still drink the tea you left for me.
Do you still come to little Chris at night? He is growing now and started to keep secrets from me, I hope it was not your teaching! My life is in its fullest now. I have a wife, a son, my brother and my other family. But no you.
Sometimes I came to your pet shop to see your face. To see you in your son...
That night I dream about you again, after so many years of peaceful nights. I saw your ship with you in it. You leaned down and smiled.
"Well... have you learnt how to fly, Leon?" that was the first time you called me with my name, Count. No... D....
I saw Tetsu chan and Pon chan behind you and all the others. They are smiling at me. Pon chan laughed her childish giggles and said, "He will need a pair of wings for that, Count..."
"Can I eat him yet?!" Tetsu chan protested behind you. I laughed as I saw Pon chan hit his head and he bit her in return.
I grinned and laughed out loud. "Tell Tetsu chan, he can have a bite when I can fly. And Pon chan can climb me whenever she wants..."
You smiled your rare gentle smile at me and held out your hand. I took it and intertwined our fingers.
"Until I can fly... D."
"Until you can fly... Leon."
You squeezed my hand a little to assure me that you will always wait for me then let my hand go. I saw you and your ship flew away.
I heard a soft whisper as I woke up.
"Until you can fly... Leon. I'll see you then..."
I turned my head and saw a cup of hot tea on my bedside table. I smiled and took it gently. Drank it while it's hot. That's what you always told me to do... D.