Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Grey's Anatomy. I wish I did...
A/N: My first fic ever guys, so don't be too harsh! I'm a New Zealander. I'm pretty much up-to-date with the eps, but we've only just aired um "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" (?) This fic is just based around Meredith and Derek really, not really much surgical stuff, as I'm not familiar with the terminology. Takes place after Derek chooses Addison. A bit of MerDer fluff.
Meredith woke up the sound of the shower, and Derek singing badly.
She chuckled and gathered up the sheets around her tighter. She didn't know how she could let it go this far. He was married for god's sake. Last night was all a huge mistake, a big drunken mistake. She loved him; she couldn't stop loving him. It hurt to be with him; but it hurt to be away from him more. She yearned to be near him, to touch him, to smell him. She wanted him to be her everything. But she knew Addison was his wife.
"Lucky cow" she mumbled, wincing at the pounding headache; evidence from the night before.
The water stopped. As Derek padded his way across the bedroom, Meredith pretended to sleep. His hand just gently touched her face and lightly kissed her. A lone tear escaped from her eyes, as the thought of Derek going back to Addison crept in her head.
"Hey, Mer, what's wrong." Derek whispered, his face etched with concern.
Meredith squeezed her eyes tighter and turned around, just wishing he hadn't seen that.
"Mer, talk to me. I'm here for you"
Meredith let out a sigh.
"That's it Derek," She said, hesitantly, "Your not here, you're married. You have a wife. As much as I love you, I know…" She sighed and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I know that you're not mine. I can't do this anymore. I can't love you. This was all a big mistake…"
Meredith tried to scramble out of bed, to get away from Derek. She needed some time to herself to think.
His strong arm stopped her; held her delicate arms tight. His hands brushed the loose strands of hair covering her face. He gently cupped her face and pressed his forehead against hers. Her tears slowly fell down her face.
"Meredith" He sighed "I love you, more than words can describe. The moment Addison came back…"
Meredith shuddered at the sound of her name. Derek lifted her chin so their eyes met.
"The moment Addison came back, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Yes, I chose her. I thought I had to try to make it work, I thought I owed our marriage that much. But I couldn't deny it. I never stopped loving you."
Meredith stared into his blue orbs. The eyes. Window to the soul. She could see the frustration, pain tattooed into his soul. She lightly kissed him on the cheek.
"I need some time alone, please." She murmured.
She grabbed her coat and left the house.
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