PRISONER BY HEART
I never thought I would have the choice of life or death in my hands. Never had I needed to make such a major decision before in my life, I was unprepared. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, blurring my thoughts and vision, the world was spinning, and I was at its center. I inhaled, hoping it would calm me down, the world then stopped, and it was just me and her. She looked so fragile, so pale, so scared. Herfear in her eyes only grew as I took the sword from the tall man next to me, and I inched towards her. The wood creaked beneath my feet, and the breeze toyed with my hair. In one painful movement, my arm lifted up, and the girl fell down to her knees, and began sobbing. With the sword high above my head, I closed my eyes and took yet another deep breath. With each passing second, the sword grew more copious in my hands. I had made up my mind; I was going to do it. My eyes opened, and I was about to bring down the blade, but, I then saw the look in her eyes. I couldn't bring myself to do this, she had done nothing wrong, and now I was expected to take her life. The crowd behind me grew anxious, hollering, and whispering obscure things to one another.
"Are you a man, or a coward? Do it, or a fate much worse will come upon you!" The tall man behind me yelled, and in one moment of distress, the sword came down.
"It's just for one night," Momma whispered into my ear as she rushed me out of the house. Behind us the world shook, and fire blazed, but I couldn't look. I was blocked by Momma. "When we get back, everything will be the same, nothing will have changed."
Nothing will have changed, I found no comfort in these words. Even though I was only four, I was smarter than the average kid. I knew of the poverty that had caused the rebellion we were in the midst of. I knew that no matter how hard she tried, Momma would never find a job to support us, our country didn't believe in women's rights, and most of all, I knew that we probably wouldn't come back, and even if we did, it wouldn't be the same. Right now we were fleeing, fleeing from our lives, our friends, and our home. No place was safe, no matter where we went.
The barren ground cut into our thin cloth made shoes, and left scars in our soles, and the occasional plant stuck to our ankles, the desert wasn't kind to us. Behind us the screams of dying hopes and dreams echoed through the cool air, and left haunting impressions on my brain. Momma cringed, and pulled me along faster. Our panting was the only thing that kept us alert of each other, because we didn't have time to check on one another. My legs began to ache with a pain too intense for my body to ignore. I stopped, panting even harder than before, and began to cry. My mother stopped dead in her tracks and turned around and ran back.
"Come on honey, we can't stop now, we're almost there," she knelt down to look at me face to face.
Violently, I shook my head, and said, "It hurts, I can't go any further." A hand went up to wipe my tears.
"We have to. It's not safe here. Come on, we've come this far already." I looked away at the burning village, and I watched the smoke rise into the darkening sky blocking all stars from sight.
"Everything hurts, and I'm scared, Momma," I watched as her hand brushed back a lock of my hair.
"I know sweetie. I am too," she sighed and looked into my eyes, the way only a mother can, "Come on, I bet where we're going there'll be soft pillows and warm blankets. Just think about all the fresh fruits we'll eat too. Doesn't that sound exciting?" She managed a smile.
"I'm tired, Mommy, and I want to go home." I stepped back from her, watching her swollen face as she looked at me sadly.
"We can't, at least not right now. We need to keep going baby." My tears kept coming.
"What happens if I don't want to?" I said, desperately trying to get away from this madness. Momma sighed, and shook her head.
"Then we join Daddy and your brother with the stars." Momma said unemotionally. She gripped my shoulders hard and stared into my eyes. For the first time, I understood the severity of the situation. I nodded my head, and she smiled. "Let's go then." Just as she stood up and wiped her dress off, the biggest explosion yet went off, and even though we were a considerable distance away, the shock knocked us down.
The smoke traveled faster than a cheetah across the barren land, and hit us with a blow to the face. Bits of burning wood traveled with it, and the ash was so thick, I could barley see through it. I covered my face with my bruised arm, and coughed.
"Momma!" No reply. "Mommy, where are you?" There was no sound but the sound of wind, screams, and my heavy breathing.
Frantically, I limped towards the screams. I had to find her. She promised we were going to live together in a big house, with a hundred and two servants. Everyday at noon we would eat ice cream by the sea as she told me stories. Once you promise something, you can't take it back. The screams stopped, and my breath caught in my throat. It was so black I couldn't see anything anymore. I could do nothing, so I gave up, sat down, and welcomed death.
Minutes passed, and I was still alive, and when I opened my eyes, most of the ash had settled down. I stood up, and did what every four year old boy would do, I looked for my mom. The air was scarcely breathable, and all the ash had made a thin blanket on the ground. I stood up, and fell. My fall told me it was too dangerous to walk so instead, I crawled.
The rough ground of the desert cut into my knees and palms, and the smoke quickly filled my lungs, yet the tears didn't come. It seemed as if the longer I waited, the less intense the situation seemed, and the more I was ready to close my eyes and never open them again. The cloud of ash was dark and perilous; I saw no end and no beginning, it was just me in the darkness looking for my mother who was probably a long way from where I was.
With each inhale, my eyes seemed to become heavier, and the heavier they became, the more energy I used to keep them open. A loud and painful cough trembled in my lungs, and I collapsed once again. My mouth was ajar, still breathing in the poisonous air, and I could do nothing but wait for death's gracious hand once again. My hand involuntarily clenched and unclenched and tiny rocks gathered under my nails, it was painful, but before I knew it, it got worse.
Another boom echoed in my ears, and yet another wave of dirt and debris flew at me. I could feel the unwelcome touch of the sharp stones, piercing my skin, and filling my mouth. Its awful taste consumed my senses and forced me to roll over. I pushed off the ground with my hand, and landed on my side, spitting and coughing as hard as I could. Dirt rolled across me lazily, causing goose bumps and covering me in another layer of its grime. My eyes rolled under my eye lids, desperately trying to see what wasn't there. If was going to die here, I better accept it now. That's when the tears decided to come.
Whether it was my ears betraying me, or it was true, I heard a gentle voice, too weak to speak any louder, whisper my name.
"Desi," it cooed, in the distance I could barely make out a figure reaching out to me. It was Momma, and she was here to rescue me.
"Momma, where are you? I can't see you!" I managed to whimper between sobs.
"Over here, be careful, there are all kinds of things floating around in the air over here."
In one adrenaline induced moment, I stood up and ran over in the direction of her voice. Mere seconds later, I hit a hard, yet soft object, and tripped. I heard a grunt, and then a breath was let out. No matter how hard I tried, the tears wouldn't stop, and soon, I was kneeling beside my mother.
"Now listen, Desi. No matter what happens to me out here, know that I love you, and that you'll make it somewhere safe. Are you listening?" She said with an unnatural strength.
"You're talking crazy talk, Momma," I tried to argue, and then she held my hand, and squeezed it, "We're gonna make it out, and go live in that happy place we talked about."
"I asked if you are listening." Her voice cracked on the last syllable, and deep down, I knew our time was almost up.
"Yes, Ma'am," I hiccupped, and tried to smile.
"Good," We both paused and sat in a moment of silence for a while, enjoying each other's company. The distant screams and explosions were coming to a slow stop.
"Mama," I whispered.
"What is it, Baby?" Her voice was weak now, and she only had moments left.
There was a brief pause, I wanted to ask if we could go home, but instead I decided to say something a little more sentimental. "I love you."
"I love you too," she said, and with yet another moment's hesitation, she whispered," Daddy says hi," And in the darkness, I saw a smile light up her face and with one last squeeze of my hand, she breathed her last, and closed her eyes.
Refusing to believe what just happened, I frantically began shaking her body. "Momma! No! Please, come back! Wake up! I want to go home!" My cries and tears were useless, so instead I laid down over her, and cried even more. The minutes seemed like hours, and the hours dragged on. Soon enough, I was engulfed by my own darkness and fell asleep on my mother's corpse.
Not too shabby I think. Tell me what you guys think, and I'll keep going :)