The Firsts of Life
I.
In that moment, her cold, dead eyes came back to life, and when her vision cleared, he was the first thing she saw.
And as her eyes came to focus on him, she became hardly aware of anything else. The frigid air against her pale, bloodstained skin, the hardness of the cool wooden floor beneath her, the ripped, discolored strips of paper hanging from the walls, the throbbing pain in her cheek…her head…her heart. Everything was irrelevant.
Everything except for him.
She watched with horror and fascination as he stabbed the man repeatedly, blood flying through the air as he lifted the knife up again and again. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of green she had ever seen. They were brimming with anger, desperation, and fear, and they were shining with unshed tears.
As he sat on top of the lifeless body, she stared at him, his chest rising and falling as he reached up to wipe the sweat from his forehead and the tears from his eyes.
"It's okay," he spoke, those magnificent green eyes meeting her own. "You're safe now."
And as he cut her hands free, he spoke to her, and his voice was soft and gentle. Those velvety green eyes were gleaming with worry and care, and for a moment, she wondered if this was the same boy she had watched mercilessly murder two grown men only moments ago.
He continued to speak to her, but for a moment, all she could wonder was why this little boy whom she had never met risked his own life to save hers.
In that very moment she knew that she wanted to stay by his side forever.
And this moment, imprinted forever on her heart and written into her very soul, was the first time she met Eren Jaeger.
II.
She felt her world shatter around her when her own eyes met Armin's deep blue ones, shining with horror as the tears spilled out and rolled down his cheeks.
And then she knew.
Her own eyes filled with horror as the realization collided into her like the hand of a titan. He was gone.
She listened with disbelief as Armin told the story she already knew was coming but didn't want to hear.
Eren was dead.
The only person she had left in the entire world was gone forever, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.
She felt her body go numb, protecting her from the pain she felt six years ago when she lost her mom and dad. Six years ago when he saved her for the first time. When he took her by the hand and gave her a new reason to live.
But this time, Eren wasn't coming to save her.
The stench of blood polluted the air around her and the sound of piercing screams faded in the distance. She would forever remember this moment as the first time she thought she had lost him forever.
III.
She thought she could hear Armin screaming her name, but she didn't care. She was running…running towards him.
It can't be…he's dead…
But there was no mistaking it. The person who had emerged from the neck of the rogue titan was Eren.
She could make out his form clearly now as the steam surrounding him began to clear. The shape of his smooth, handsome face...his messy brown hair sticky out from all angles. There was no doubt in her mind now.
She ran faster, ignoring the limbs littering the ground and the pools of blood stained on the cobblestone street.
And then she collided with him, arms wrapping around him tightly, afraid that he would disappear if she let go.
Everything around her was a blur. She couldn't think clearly. See properly. Hear anything at all. He was the only thing there was.
She never thought she'd ever see him again, and here he was, wrapped up in her arms in one piece.
Slowly and cautiously, she lowered her head to his chest, pressing her ear firmly against the place where his heart was and listened.
And she was so so relieved when she heard the steady beating there. She could feel it pounding softly against her ear, his heart like a soothing song that calmed her own.
In that moment, with him firmly in her arms and the tears streaming steadily down her face, she realized for the first time that she was completely and irreversibly in love with Eren Jaeger. And she was never letting go.
IV.
Everything had happened so fast. One minute, she had been leaning in towards him, and the next, he was standing defensively in front of her. Protecting her.
She looked up at him, her vision blurred with unshed tears, but she could still make him out clearly. She could see the muscles in his back and the broadness of shoulders. When did he get so big? So strong? So protective?
The throbbing pain in her chest and arms…the swarms of titans around them…the broken bodies of their dead comrades…it all disappeared for a moment. Her entire world was him.
"I'll do this again," he shouted, voice filled with rage and determination. "As many times as it takes!"
She watched him, her own eyes filled with admiration, love, and tears, as he stood over her protectively.
"From now on we'll keep on being together," he promised, and the weight of what that meant filled her with happiness. She, Mikasa Ackerman, was in love with him.
And as he picked her up and carried her out of that hell, she knew for the first time that Eren Jaeger was in love with her too.
V.
It was far from perfect, and it was nothing like the books Armin had told them about when they were children.
It was sloppy and full of inexperience. His lips, rough and clumsy, pressed firmly against her own.
Eventually, they found a rhythm, and even though it was a bit off and not romantic in the least, it was enough for both of them.
Because this moment existed. It was real. Their lives were real. Their love was real. Wasn't that all that really mattered anyway?
She felt a loving warmth radiate up from her toes and tingle its way through her spine. She felt his strong arms wrapped firmly around her waist as she flung her own around his neck.
Even though neither of them knew what the hell they were doing, the feeling certainly was real enough.
And on that cool night, with the stars glittering above them and the pale moon shining down on them like a spotlight, they kissed passionately and danced clumsily and held each other tight for the first time.
It was moments like these…the firsts of life…that made it worth living.
And just for that night, she allowed herself to believe that maybe this world wasn't so cruel after all.
fin.