The bed sheets tangle and cling around her figure fueling Lulu's restless energy. Moonlight fights against the curtains attempting to bring cool light to the room, but she prefers the darkness and solitude that exists for the moment. She's not spending the night with the man she's "crazy about" because it would've felt strange with the way her thoughts have been since that morning.
She expels a breath of air at remembering how she told Johnny it was a good thing he let her go because if he hadn't, she wouldn't have met Dante. The moment the words had flown out of her mouth, overly saccharine for her tastes, she had wished she could swallow them back even if they'd ended up twisting inside her stomach. It had felt like driving a sword through both of their chests with an added twist for cruelty. Because sitting there drinking tomato juice with Johnny had reminded her of just how much she'd forgotten about him like yesterday's inconvenience.
And they both know that's not what he is to her. She had told him he was a big part of her life and he returned the sentiment earnestly before high tailing it out of there or risk hearing any more of her crushing words.
Lulu rolls onto her back, sinking fully into a pit of defeat as she runs a hand down her face. That morning was the first time she let herself actually see Johnny. And he was the man she remembers falling hard for, the man the open wound in her heart still bleeds for. Dark and brooding with matter-of-fact fluid words that could have her listening to his gruff voice for hours, that melancholy that hangs over his being, and that soft tender touch to his dusky brown eyes he always has for her. She is the woman that she is today because of relationship with Johnny and he let her go, not because they weren't madly in love with the other, but because he didn't see himself as good for her. And that's something she'll always disagree with.
Just like she'll always love him.
Lulu forces herself to settle on her side fist tucked by her chin, determined to sleep even as her mind lags behind her decision to shut down. The craziest or sometimes most brilliant thoughts come right before sleep which is what Lulu holds onto when the idea drifts into her mind that maybe Johnny letting her go was a good thing. He always assumed he wasn't good for her, and she just knows—knows like his heart is gold and his soul is as breathtaking as the way he plays music—that one day that'll change. He'll become someone he's proud of, someone he feels is worthy of her and... she'll go back to him like the saying goes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours forever. Even though Dante loves her deeply and makes her happy, Johnny loved her in a way that everyone dreams of and he made her happiest.
So until then their lives have to keep going down separate paths until they eventually converge irrevocably.