Chapter 1: Unbearable
There was blood everywhere. A little girl lay unconscious as a team of five doctors hovered over her.
"Her blood pressure is decreasing!" "There's internal bleeding."
"Breathing is inconsistent…" Do something. Please oh god. Don't let this happen. Please! I was beyond crazy. I needed a miracle.
"…we are losing her…"
"I love you Daddy. Forever."
Then the monitor beeped. And a straight line passed through the screen.
"NO!" he woke up screaming; just as he did each night. The same memory haunted him, each and every night. He was sweating and tears rolled down his eyes. His hands clung to his head as he succumbed to his pain. He was a picture of agony.
"No….my daughter…" he cried.
He remembered everything about her; every moment was etched in his memory. He also remember how she died perfectly. Maybe if he could forget it would be easier? Six years had passed since that unfortunate day, and yet he remembered and felt as if it was yesterday. He didn't let go…he never could.
He got up went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water without glancing at his face; it was hard for him to look in the mirror. He couldn't bear looking at his face. It just angered him and caused him immense pain and made those memories even real.
Instead of going back to sleep he grabbed a can of beer and landed on the couch putting on the news and staring at it blankly. It was just 4 am still, and he had three hours to kill to get ready and leave for work. After finishing the beer he went around trying to clean his apartment. It wasn't much, just a single bedroom apartment with a small living room and a kitchen cum dining room. Despite living well off for most of his life living in these conditions didn't bother him.
He changed into his tracks after cleaning up his dishes and gathered his laundry and headed to the laundry room. There wasn't anyone in the laundry room, and it wouldn't have made any difference even if someone was. He was no talker…and everybody knew that. Making sure everything was set right he headed out for his morning run. He just did it to kill sometime. And Seattle wasn't a quiet place like how his hometown was, it was a busy city and he found distractions. When he finished his run he returned to the laundry room, collected his clothes and headed to his apartment.
He took a shower and got ready in black trousers and a white shirt, putting on his blazer and shoes he headed out. His next stop was a small diner three blocks away where he had his breakfast each day-cheese grilled sandwich, salad and tea. Then he headed to work.
Work was monotonous, every morning he was given a set was documents which he had to assign and then send it to the rest of the employees with bigger jobs than him. He hated doing what he did, but he knew he couldn't go back to his old profession; he didn't have the guts to do it. The thought alone made him want to throw up.
Trying to concentrate on his work he worked in silence.
"Anthony!" he looked up reluctantly.
"Hello Tanya," he nodded stiffly and went back to his work.
"How was your weekend?" she asked brightly.
"The same," he muttered.
"Aw, you really need to do something fun," she stated.
"I don't mind," he muttered again.
"Yeah I know" she sighed.
"So, do you want to eat lunch together?" she asked cautiously.
He almost rolled his eyes. It was always the same with Tanya Denali, she spoke to him too brightly each day and went back dejected every time.
"Um, you carry on, I gotta finish this," he pointed toward a stack of already checked papers.
"Oh…okay, later." She still smiled and headed out.
He wished that she would quit asking him daily. Not even the wedding band on his ring finger made difference anymore. But they knew that he lived alone so maybe they had formed their own theories. Sighing he eyed his ring; he missed the woman whom he had promised forever. Stay with her through thick and thin and love her. Of course he still loved her and he never forgot her but he couldn't face her. He was afraid to face her even more than he was to face himself. She had trusted him to save their daughter and he had just broken it.
"No…come-on! Respond baby!" he screamed.
"Turn it higher!" he ordered. He sounded quite mad. He didn't get a response.
"Do it!" he cried. He was trying to shock her, try to get her heart beating again.
"Dr. Cullen…that's the limit."
"Edward…she's gone mate." A softer voice said.
Then it finally hit him, she was really gone. He would never hear her laughter, never give in to her wishes, never watch her grow up, never comfort her when she cries, never promise her that everything would be okay, never watch her graduate, never hear her say "I love you Daddy" ever again. Every possibility had just ended. She was gone. Really gone.
"Do you want me you to break the news?" someone asked him.
He just shook his head. He moved his fingers through her soft hair and kissed her on the forehead.
Numbly he walked out, where the rest of the family wait. All of them stood up and came up to him as soon as they saw him.
"Edward…what happened?" her brown eyes wide with anxiety. She studied him for a second and saw the answer in his eyes.
"I-I..." he couldn't even tell her how sorry he was.
"She's gone," he choked.
She just stared at him frozen. She looked so dead. He knew that it should scare him, but he felt nothing. Nothing at all.
He turned and walked away, never looked back, never heard the cries of his family.
That was the last he saw of them. He had just left.