Summary: [ShisuiIta & ItaSasu When one man falls, all shall follow. Their death was necessary. Sinners shall all burn in hell. Itachi just wish his lover hadn't belonged there...
Warnings: Blood, implied incest, death, violence, multiple disorders, angst, language, suggestive themes. Yes, a lot of taboos listed. No likey, go to hell, m'kay:)
Notice: Itachi is (in this fic, but not in the manga/anime) fifteen, and Sasuke seven. And, no, Itachi is not religious, just mentally disturbed.
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In between silence
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Itachi walked on the streets of Konoha. His fifteenth birthday yesterday still burned in under his eyelids, scarring him.
There had been so much blood.
Of course the perfect wonder child Uchiha Itachi couldn't take a day off to spend his birthday with his own family. No, he had spent it out doing missions for his ANBU squad, assassinating a person who should not exist, whose existence would disturb the flow of Konoha's legal underground business. She had not gone down willingly.
There were thirteen ANBU ninjas on his squad. Yet it was only him who wasn't totally incapable of bringing one single woman down. It was disturbing, and their weakness tested his patience.
So he had to do the work for them. It had been a completely professional action.
That's what he told himself when he drove his hands into her body, put a foot on her stomach, grabbed her slippery white ribs from the inside and pulled. Her death hadn't been instant, but inevitable. It pleased him to know that she would have time to think a bit before passing away. It gave people time to reflex over their lives. If they were pure, they needed not to be afraid as something better awaited them. If they were sinners, fear would claw at their hearts, then they would die and ascend to a place where they would be punished for their sins.
Itachi just wanted silence for now. But the woman screaming in agony and the clapping of hands when the ANBU leaders congratulated him on another completed mission sang throughout his head, carving its way into his brain. He wanted quiet and peace. The whole world was bothering him with its mere existence (sinners, all of them, soulless drones without any reason for staying alive but selfish, greedy desires to possess something, anything, everything) and there was no escaping it. He was stuck, and there was no cure for existing.
He wanted Shisui.
(Angel)
God, he wanted Shisui.
He wanted that safe comfort. He wanted the trusting treasury, the silent sanctuary that only Shisui could offer. He never had to prove himself to Shisui. Shisui was always so perfect and beautiful and intelligent and peaceful and beautiful and just… so beautiful. There was nothing wrong with him. He was so perfect.
Itachi changed his direction away from his dirty father's house (sinner, greedy man with no real purpose or intent in life but seeping up others strength and bask in it, unpure sinners) to beautiful Shisui's house. He lived alone, so there was never someone to bother them.
There always was only Itachi and Shisui. They were… They were… They just were. Like the earth just is and always will be. There was no poetic word for them. There were no haiku for them. They existed together. Together, they were one existence.
The sound of the soles of his shoes hitting the ground echoed in his head like boulders falling off of a cliff. So loud. So much. It gave him a headache and the little buzz in the back of his mind that always, constantly followed him strengthened. He stopped when he was faced with Shisui's front door. The man lived alone in a house in the Uchiha quarters, as he had bee the second child and was to find his own home because his older brother inherited their old house to live in with his wife and children.
He knocked gently on the dark wooden door. The door welcomed him, slid a sense of calm over his fingers into his veins. This place was always calm.
Itachi wanted to die on the spot when a red-haired woman opened the door and looked up at him, surprised. Her clothes were disheveled, as was her short brown hair. The green, intense eyes looked at him in surprise, as if his existence had somehow managed to escape her range of knowledge.
"Itachi-san…" She knew who he was. Everyone did. He didn't know who she was. He didn't care either. She was… repulsing. She made him feel disgusted with her being. His skin crawled, his fingers itched to curl around her throat and choke slowly. Disgusting. And her obvious reaction showed how unskilled she must be as a shinobi as well, sharing her emotions openly like that. Wench.
Disgusting, filthy, filthy, filthy wench!
How dare she be close to Shisui? How dare she breathe the same air as he did? Her entire existence screamed whore and abomination. She shouldn't live in the same life as Shisui!
She shouldn't…
Shisui walked up from the room behind her and laid a hand on the filthy abominations shoulder.
She shouldn't touch him!
She shouldn't touch him…
"Itachi-san…" The older man said, eyes twinkling gently. His hair was also disheveled, but in a more sophisticated, organized way. Nothing like her cheap appearance. He was… angel-like. A few words to the whore, a friendly hug, and then she walked away. Itachi stood mute until she was out of visual range. The smiling brunette in front of him raked a hand though his hair, chuckling.
"Is there a reason for your silence?" he said like an older brother would do, grinning knowingly.
"Who was she?" Itachi asked calmly, trying to sound unconcerned though he couldn't keep the jealous tone out of his voice. He felt somewhat like… someone from TV. Ridiculous and oversensitive. Why should this bother him? She had only been contaminating the air around him and – Itachi took a deep breath. This was taking it a little too far. He wasn't that jealous and… possessive. Shisui could talk to other people.
A blast of… sadness? surged though him for a split second.
But it wasn't okay. It wasn't! Shisui was his! No one else's! Only his! Only his…
"She was from my ANBU squad. I invited her here." he answered breezily, moving away from the door and welcoming him in. Itachi walked in, uncertain. How was he to know where she had been, what she had touched? In other words, what Itachi had to get rid of? "Stop squirming Itachi-san, and don't even think about lying, I know you are. She was here a few minutes. Nothing to worry about."
Itachi hated the fact that the older one knew him so well. (No one is supposed to know…) But not really. He loved it too. Who wouldn't want to the person you loved to know you? It was all common sense, really. Besides, there was something about him that draped Shisui in a cloak of visibility. He could see through sinners because of his own purity. Itachi wished he could have that. He never knew when people lied to him. But people seemed to break and expose their lies because of his mask of indifference. Why did people feel the need to seek his acceptance and reassurance when they had done wrong? He didn't care about them! He really didn't! They disgusted him.
He wished the world would disappear.
He wished there was no one but Shisui and himself. That way, they would be together always. With no one to disturb them. No one but them.
"Itachi-san? You're lost in thought again." Shisui slumped down on his couch and drew Itachi down with him, playing gently with his long ponytail. Itachi felt his face heat up, like it always would. People didn't have this kind of effect on him. Only Shisui. Shisui wasn't people.
"You know that can get annoying, do you? If someone wants to talk to you, and you aren't listening, you can get into a mess. Take it from me." Shisui whispered into his ear, sounding so serious yet jokingly about it and his whole body seemed to unwind. The older man's presence was soothing, relaxing. It was heaven to his sore muscles. Why did he ever leave Shisui's house again?
Oh yes. His family.
Oh well.
"Why was she here?" Itachi insisted, fingering at the hem of his shirt, a habit from his childhood that would resurface at times. Now he had learned not to make unnecessary movements. But… The brunette seemed to take all the pressure of trying to be perfect away.
"I just wanted to talk to her a little about our next mission." He said quietly, not wanting to think about their assassination mission more than necessary. "You don't have to ask that."
"I just want to know."
"No, you want to assure yourself nothing is happening. Itachi, you know that you can trust me. I want you to trust me. Can you please trust me?"
Itachi nuzzled into the warm collage sweater Shisui wore. "Okay."
A conversation they often had, because of Itachi's constant suspicion towards other people that really wasn't his fault either.
He felt like a child. But it was nice to have somewhere he… belonged for… just… not his real self, but where his fake appearance wasn't accepted. That was as good as line as anything else.
His truthful sanctuary.
For a little while longer, at least.
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Sasuke made his way home from the academy. Big brother was supposed to be home, and maybe he could ask him to help him learn the most basic fire jutsu passed down the Uchiha line. Father had promised that the day he started the academy he would be taught those, with some contempt in his voice, indirectly saying Itachi would have done it without any help. And yes, maybe Itachi would have. But Sasuke didn't even know the hand signs! How was he supposed to know? It was unfair.
When Sasuke walked into the house, he couldn't believe his eyes.
Itachi was crying. He was sitting on the floor, knees folded underneath him and head hanging down with glistening, red cheeks shining, contrasting sharply with the snow white skin of his hands.
Sasuke dropped his things, grading papers, used shuriken on the ground with different noises. A gentle swish and a loudmouth clank! How could brother be crying? Itachi never cried. Even rarely showed any type of emotion. What could possibly have happened to reduce his older brother to this state?
"Brother!"
He ran forward and went to kneel in front of the slumped figure and gently tilted his older brother's face up, looking into the empty eyes. He seemed even more drained than usual, more distant and away from this world. What could have happened? Something must have happened. Sasuke withdrew his hands and shyly tried to keep his faze steady as his insides shook with fear.
Maybe it was because of those guys accusing him of Shisui's murder? Sasuke remembered it. Itachi had changed for a moment. His eyes had darkened, his voice had changed, his intent and purpose for living had visibly changed in front of Sasuke when his cousins had accused him in that rude manner. But then, it had all gone away to be replaced with the usual Itachi that Sasuke was used to.
"Brother, what has happened?" little Sasuke asked, sounding concerned.
Itachi wiped his tears away with the back of his hand and turned to face Sasuke, staring dead into his scared eyes. "Nothing. It's nothing. It's okay now. It's nothing to worry about. It's okay. It's all okay now."
The older teen draws his little brother into a hug and for a short second Sasuke can see the red imprint on Itachi's face, only to be pushed into a firm chest, sight gone again. His clothes were wet, the younger one noticed. His entire body was soaked in water, and the larger body shivered lightly. The brunette didn't believe his brother. Something had happened. And Itachi just didn't want to tell him.
Why would brother lie to him? Brother usually did, though. Sasuke never got that promise help with his training. But there had to be a reason. Sasuke had learned that grown-ups always had a reason for things. So why would brother lie to him?
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Another mission completed. (It's all useless really. Why should I do all their sinful work? Why don't they do it themselves? Because they can' do it. Incompetent, lazy sinners, with no real purpose to fill in life. Sinners.) Why was he doing this again? Why did he take other people's orders? Why did he do only what people told him to do? Why didn't he do as he wished and wanted himself? What they demanded from him was filthy, yes. But even so, they things he usually resolved, or, in other words, disposed of, were even filthier than what was required of him.
The people giving him orders wanted to destroy threats.
The targets he killed wanted to destroy old ways.
Itachi could say he didn't feel for the people he murdered, but he cared for their way of thinking. Why take orders? It was not like it was doing him any good. The only thing doing him any good was Shisui, and these goddamned missions that constantly showered him with things to do and stole his precious time certainly didn't give him more time to heal inside with Shisui. Then what purpose did he have to fill?
Itachi hadn't noticed it, but the brunette had ended up in front of Shisui's wooden door, and the entire sight seemed to radiate warmth. His feet had walked here on their own. What possible purpose did he have but to be here?
Without knocking, he swung the door open and walked down the corridor and, in long strides, entered the red living room which was oozing with an unpleasant smell that seemed to punch Itachi in the face like a brick wall. The stank of alcohol drenched the air, made it thick and wet, and the young male felt the sudden urge to gag.
Shisui wasn't supposed to drink. He changed when he drank. He wasn't supposed to. Alcohol made angels sinners! He wasn't supposed to drink!
But there was nothing Itachi could do as it was already too late. He should leave and let it blow over. He turned and was just about to take a step towards the exit when that soft voice rang through the air.
"Itachi-san."
No.
"Please come over here."
No.
Itachi moved soundlessly over to the older man, who still wore that innocent smile. Itachi wouldn't resist, and then he would tell himself later that he couldn't remember what happened. It hurt him so badly to see his love stumbling around, helpless, robbed of his ability to speak or understand anything. Shisui couldn't help it! He couldn't handle it that well! It wasn't his fault!
At least Shisui had never crossed the line. Some people got worse than the brunette, so Itachi could handle this.
That's what he believed, and nothing was going to change. (Unless. Unless, Itachi.)
Shisui talked in a slurry voice about his latest mission where he had visited the Wave country and how he had to negotiate with a bunch of idiots that really didn't know how to at even a little bit polite, which apparently had bothered him a lot. Itachi didn't really listen, and allowed himself to be dragged down on the couch, feeling Shisui play with his silky hair, like he always did.
And Shisui told him many things.
The journey there had been delayed because of one of them breaking their foot. Itachi didn't hear how.
The negotiations had broken down and they had killed each and every one of their new enemies present.
The squad had trouble leaving the city as they were pursued by new Wave country ninja who had somehow gotten hold of the dead bodies.
They had gotten away, but barely.
A man had died, shot in the back with a water jutsu combined with a lightning bolt from another ninja.
Shisui had acquired a long, though only skin deep, cut across his back, running along the length of his spine. Itachi couldn't feel it through the fabric. Maybe it was healed already.
Shisui kept telling him things, and soon drifted away from his new mission to talk about other things, like his deceased little sister, who had bide the very minute she was born.
Itachi felt sympathy and disgust at the same time for his cousin. He had to leave, or else he'd go insane. He couldn't handle listening to this anymore. This was so Shisui-like it was unbearable. This shouldn't be Shisui. This should be someone else! He didn't want Shisui to be the person who… did this to himself. Only sinners did. He rose to his feet, untangling himself from he older man's grip.
"Where are you going?" the ANBU asked carefully, sounding coy and innocent at the same time.
"I'm leaving." Itachi stated, trying to sound emotionless. "I'll come back when you're sober again.
"But no." Shisui whined as much as a mature adult could and tugged lightly at his sleeve. "Stay."
Itachi merely muttered a weak 'no' and tried to walk away, but found his sleeve caught in a deathly grip and bleeding eyes found his with a fierce look in them.
For a split second, Itachi was gripped with fear.
But it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Why should he be afraid?
He wasn't.
"Itachi." The voice was cold and threatening, like it would always when he was trying to leave. Something harmful had yet to happen to Itachi, but so far Shisui had never laid a hand on him in this state. The grip slid over from his sleeve to his wrist, tightening indefinitely. "Stay."
"No." Itachi repeated, and tried to rip his hand back to no avail.
He saw the hand coming, but didn't move out of the way, only wished it wouldn't. He could see it flying towards him in slow-motion, in horror. The only thing going through his mind connected to reality was allow him a chance to not do it! He wasn't supposed to! Only sinners did! Shisui couldn't hit him! He wasn't allowed to! Only sinners could do it!
Still, the hand connected with his face and he flew backwards, temporarily stunned by the brute force. It didn't hurt. The punch was jaw-breaking, but it didn't hurt. He couldn't feel the sting of flesh hitting flesh, skin breaking. It was all gone.
He could only see red.
All sinners belong in hell.
No human was to lay hand on a loved one. That was not acceptable. It was quite unacceptable. Itachi would not stand for such a thing. It was unacceptable. Unacceptable.
All sinners belong in hell.
The only thought that he managed to catch before fleeting into a state of unawareness was that is was his little brother's birthday tomorrow.
All sinners belong in hell.
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Itachi drew in the scent of water through his nose. The air chilled him, and he was cold. The Akatsuki cloak felt heavy and thick on his shoulders, smothering, almost boiling with weights.
The wind blew, made ripples in the clear water. Rain poured down, soaking the ground. The sun was away, and the sky bared nothing more than black clouds of vengeance. The brunette stared, and stared at the water in front of him.
He was trying to figure something out.
He knew, that even after all these years, he wouldn't be able to stop visiting this place. He had drowned the man he loved in this lake. Of course he had emotional attachments to it. He would never stop visiting here. Even though the pain of getting into the center of Konoha was almost bordering to unimaginable,
Kisame understood, in a weird sense because he had no idea why Itachi wanted to be here. But he still understood, and respected that. The fish-like man was good in that way. He was good at understanding. Shisui was good at understanding.
Kisame understood, too, that he couldn't come here.
Like the obedient partner he was, he patiently waited a few kilometers outside the village gates.
Itachi noticed Sasuke in the corner of his eye, standing in the shadows behind a tree.
The older man took in his appearance. Fifteen years had done his brother good. The thick bangs hid his eyes, and brought forth the stretched extent of his pale skin. He had grown longer that when they met the last time, somewhere around Sasuke's seventeenth birthday. The day his little brother had returned to Konoha.
That time, Sasuke had been raging with fury and once he had spotted Itachi he had tried restlessly to injure him. In this very park. But his little brother hadn't managed to give him a scratch, and he had walked away unharmed.
The second time, on Sasuke's eighteenth birthday. Sasuke hadn't rushed aimlessly at him, rather stayed hidden – even thought Itachi always knew he was there – and planned out a cunning plan before launching the attack at him. Itachi had, once again walked out of Konoha without a wound upon his body.
The third time, on Sasuke's nineteenth birthday. They had started things verbally and as ended it violently, and resulting with Itachi walking away without any harm done to him as it always would end. An onlooker would have looked upon it as weird, or perhaps a step forward. The younger brother hadn't immediately attacked his only remaining relative, and that was good, right? You could cherish your family, right?
The fourth time, on Sasuke's twentieth birthday. Sasuke hadn't been there, and Itachi had wondered why, but thought nothing more of it as he enjoyed the warm breeze of peace gently washing his face. It was nice being alone with Shisui for once, actually. He didn't miss his brother's presence. Much, at least. He didn't miss his brother's presence much. And, he left uninjured when the sun fell down behind the horizon.
The fifth time, on Sasuke's twenty first birthday. His sibling had been sitting in the tree all day, merely observing his older brother sit down by the lake. The older raven had felt a spark of something inside himself that he thought he had killed long ago. It was almost bordered to feeling pleasant. Of course he didn't linger longer than necessary on the feeling and just relaxed when his brother's chakra started changing from suspicious jabs into soft waves of content.
This was the sixth time that the two of them had been here. Itachi had been here once a year for fifteen years, granted, but… these six years, he had shared it with someone of his own blood. That was in itself something more pleasant than being alone. Sasuke and Shisui were of the same blood, as was Itachi. They all shared something special. They all were connected in some way. Itachi was connected to Sasuke and Shisui.
Sasuke was connected to Shisui.
Sasuke was Shisui.
His younger brother confidently walked out from his hiding place and in time plopped down next to Itachi's sitting figure, neither of them making a move to look at each other. Why should they? They already knew what the other looked like, knew that they both were sitting there. What was eye contact when they shared the same blood? It was irrelevant.
After a minute of silence, Sasuke said in a quiet voice: "Why do you come here?"
Itachi answered with an equal tone. "Shisui died here."
Sasuke snorted, huffing sourly. "You killed him."
"And he died here, on this day. That is why."
"Why would you care anyway?" Sasuke said, and now his voice was void of any emotion. Numb, inside and out. "You haven't cared for anything in your whole life."
That's not the whole truth. Close to it, but not the whole truth.
"Untruth." Itachi stated casually, watching a green leaf fall onto the mirror-like water surface. The water shone.
"Is it?" Sasuke asked dryly.
"Yes."
"Then what have you cared for in your life?" he pried, wanting to get the older man to attack him first this time. He would have revenge. Maybe Itachi didn't have to die, but he needed to feel the sweet satisfaction of seeing Itachi humiliated and weak. He wanted to see Itachi speechless, Itachi that couldn't defend himself nor his existence.
"Few things." was the short, clipped answer.
"I can imagine, as you killed our family in cold blood." Sasuke stated, as if discussing the weather. His little brother had learned to control his emotions near to perfection, Itachi noted. He seemed to have outgrown his little grudge against him. He couldn't care less. Untruth. Itachi did care. His little brother was one of the two things he cared for in life.
And Sasuke was connected to Shisui.
Sasuke was Shisui. Shisui was in Sasuke. And Itachi loved Shisui above all else, just as he loved his little brother more than life itself.
So with a chaste kiss brushing across his old lovers and little brother's lips, and disappeared in the blink of an eye.
The youngest Sharingan user didn't have time to react. When he did, he was surprised, and confused, and somewhat annoyed. Itachi wasn't humiliated, but had rather shown him that Sasuke was once again wrong, that Itachi did care for things. It annoyed him that he was wrong.
But perhaps that didn't matter anymore.
They were all connected, and there wasn't much else to it.
Sasuke collected himself, got up to his feet and walked away from the cold lake. Water started to pour down from the autumn sky, drowning the ground. Itachi slowly walked out to meet Kisame by a bridge near the outskirts of the Konoha forest. Sasuke walked into his house, and was greeted Naruto's smiling face, asking if he was cold in a flirtatious way and asking if he needed to be warmed up. Itachi blinked rain out of his eyes. The younger Uchiha lightly slapped Naruto in between his waggling eyebrows and verbally reprimanded him for being such a pervert, which he liked really, but would never say. The older Uchiha continued walking in silence with Kisame, about to get back to their base where Leader had a special announcement to make that he couldn't afford to broadcast as it was of too much importance to the organization.
They both parted ways.
And then there was silence.
Until the next year, when Itachi would come back and see his love and little brother, of course.
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A/N: Tell me what you thought of my little plotbunny production. :)