Ben 10 belongs to its respectful owners, not me. Let me tell you why female characters just aren't good enough for me and also why the good ones must immediately be reduced to misogynistic stereotypes in order for me to enjoy them. Because females are supposed to act a certain derogatory way or they don't register in my brain as female, that's why. Did I mention I am totally a feminist?
One day whilst plotting to overthrown her dear Uncle Hex, Charmaster realized she had a vagina and breasts and suddenly lost the will to act like a badass. She collapsed to her knees and began to sob. Like women usually do when they encounter any kind of emotional or physical stress. She sobbed hysterically while hugging her knees. Her shoulders moved up and down with every sob. After two hours, she lightened up the sobbing. She sniffled. She wiped her teary eyes delicately with a silken handkerchief.
"Oh, why was I not born a strong, capable man like my Uncle Hex?" she sniffled. "I feel so inadequate."
Uncle Hex, who had a dick, came running when he caught the sickly-sweet scent of female vulnerability. He threw open her door, a maniacal grin on his skeleton-tattooed face.
"Bitch, you ugly and dumb," he taunted, laughing. "No one loves you. You're fat. You can't do math. You're going to die alone with a bunch of cats who will eat your body. Your self-worth as a human being is based entirely on male approval and how fuckable you are. You serve no other purpose in life than being a walking baby factory. The medical industry doesn't give a fuck about researching cures for the many detriments to your biology. No one takes lesbians seriously."
Charmcaster sobbed more heavily, her face contorted into an expression of the utmost despair.
"Also, I cut off your arms and legs while you weren't looking," Hex said before once again bursting into evil laughter.
Charmcaster looked down. "OH MY GOD!" She sobbed hysterically while shrieking.
She woke up. She sat up in bed, gasping for breath.
"Oh, thank God. It was all some sick, twisted dream sequence," Charmcaster breathed with a sign of relief.
Hex threw open the door to her room and stuck his head in. "Hello, my dear Niece. I just wanted to remind you...You don't have a penis, therefore you will always be treated like a sex object, ridiculed based solely on your appearance, and derided as weak and dependent on a male for validation of your worth," he said. He quickly closed the door.
Charmcaster sobbed. Deep down, she knew this was true. She rolled over to her laptop and began to take nude photos with her webcam for the sake of empty and fleeting feelings of empowerment. Also, popularity. Sweet, sweet, meaningless popularity on the social media. There she could truly be somebody, instead of nobody.
"Liberal feminism, you're my only friend," she whispered while tears slipped down her cheeks.
She posted the to her Tumblr and waited for the notes to come flooding in.
The End