Author: Katy/Darwin's Ape
Title: Unwanted
Beta: June (BaybeeJune@aol.com). However, all mistakes are mine.
Rating: PG
Category: Sam/Josh UST - angst and humour.
Archive: Wherever, but please ask first.
Disclaimer Part I: Aaron Sorkin owns these characters. I'm sorry. If he objects, I'll take this down. And erase my hard drive. And my readers.
Disclaimer Part II: Fascinating facts about Oregon gacked from The Oregon Blue Book (http://bluebook.state.or.us/).
Notes: Based on the Sam/Josh flashbacks in In the Shadow of Two Gunmen. No spoilers beyond that.
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"We're wet."
"Yes."
"And cold."
"Yes."
"And-"
"Sam, is there any chance your next statement is going to add anything to my understanding of our current situation? Any chance at all?"
"We're in Oregon."
"True."
"In a barn."
"Yes."
"In the rain."
"No. As you so perceptively pointed out, we're in a barn. Not the rain. The rain is out there. I seem to recall that this played a large part in our decision making process."
"But we are in Oregon."
"Yes."
"Why are we in Oregon?"
"What?"
"Why are we in Oregon, Josh?"
"Because there comes a time in every presidential campaign when even the best of us have to go to Oregon. It's like purgatory. Only wetter."
"Why?"
"I think it's something to do with the air pressure."
"No, why won't they just vote for us anyway?"
"You see, this is why I'm the brilliant political strategist and you're the speechwriter."
"Because I can make our language sing?"
"Sorry?"
"I'm the speechwriter because I write beautiful, soul-stirring rhetoric?"
"What?"
"We're wet."
"Yes."
"And cold."
"Yes."
"And in Oregon."
"Yes."
"Can you strategise us out of this one?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"I just choose not to."
"We're still wet."
"We're drier than we were five minutes ago."
"And wetter than we were ten minutes ago."
"Why are we in a barn?"
"Because it's drier than not being in a barn, Sam. Now if you could just be quiet long enough for me to work out what to do…"
"…"
"…"
"Sorry."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Okay."
"…"
"Sam?"
"Josh?"
"Thank you."
"For…? For what?"
"For being here." Josh sighed. "For not being in New York with lawyers and secretaries and money and people who can plan a trip to Oregon without any soaking wet detours to barns in the middle of nowhere without a working cellphone or any idea how we're going to schmooze a hundred overdressed liberals in less than twelve hours."
"You're thanking me for not being around lawyers?"
"Yeah."
"Josh?"
"Sam?"
"Did you know that Oregon grows between ninety eight and ninety nine per cent of the entire US commercial hazelnut crop?"
"Commercial hazelnuts?"
"The ones who have contracts with Nike and Adidas."
"I think I've seen them. Do they wear sunglasses even when it's dark?"
"And did you know that - despite this - the hazelnut was only officially named state nut in 1989?"
"Official state nut?"
"Official state nut."
"I never knew that."
"And yet you're the brilliant political strategist and I'm merely a lowly deputy speechwriter."
"I know. I feel we must ask ourselves serious questions about the state of our democratic processes."
"Do our democratic processes get a state nut?"
"Now, you see, here you're mocking yourself. And if you do that, what is there left for me to do?"
"Get us to Portland?"
"I thought you might have forgotten about Portland."
"Did I foil your attempt to distract me with talk of state nuts?"
"Sam, you brought up the state nuts. Now you're mocking yourself and distracting yourself - you really know how to make a man feel unwanted."
"You're not unwanted."
"I'm not?"
"You're not."
"Oh."
"…"
"Sam?"
"Josh?"
"You're not unwanted, either."
***
"Sam?"
"Josh?"
"That's not just…"
"I know."
"You know?"
"I know."
"I don't…"
"Josh, I know."
"No, I don't want you to think tha-"
"I don't."
"You don't?"
"I really don't."
"Because you're really… You're really not unwanted."
"I know."
"I don't want you to think that."
"I don't."
"Oh."
"…"
"…"
"Josh?"
"Sam?"
"We're in a barn in the middle of Oregon, no one knows we're here, no one cares, no one would…"
"But the next time, they might."
"There doesn't have t… Yeah, you're right."
"…"
"I wish you weren't."
"Me too."
"…"
"Sam?"
"Yes?"
"I'm not wet any more."
"Nor me."
"But I'm still cold."
"Me too."
"Can I…?"
"Yes."
And so they lay there for a while, in a barn in the middle of Oregon, in each other's arms.
"Josh?"
"Mmm?"
"This is nice."
"Mm."
"…"
"I wish I could give you better than nice."
"You wish you could…? Josh, it may have escaped your attention, but I'm not a nineteenth century damsel. I'm not waiting for you to save me."
"Sam, I don't care."
"You don't care."
"I don't care."
"You don't care?"
"Sam, I wish we could have better than this. I wish it didn't matter. But this is as good as it gets and as far as it goes and…"
"Josh?"
"Sam?"
"Shut up."
"'Kay."
"…"
"…"
"Josh?"
"…"
"Josh, you're too old to sulk."
"I'm not sulking."
"You're not sulking?"
"What is this, National Parrot Josh Day? I'm not sulking. I'm smelling your neck."
"You're sm… You're…"
"…"
"Josh, I'm still not a nineteenth century damsel."
"If it helps, I don't think you smell like one, either."
"How many nineteenth century d- No, wait, Josh, this is not good."
"I know."
"Your arms shouldn't be-"
"I know."
"It's not good."
"I know."
"It's not going to work. We know it's not going to work. And even if it did, it couldn't. Not while we're running this campaign."
"Sam?"
"Josh?"
"Shut up."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Sam?"
"Josh?"
"You shouldn't be doing that."
"I know."
"Sam!"
"Josh?"
"You really shouldn't be doing that."
"I know."
"Please don't do that?"
"Okay. Sorry."
"…"
"No, you know what? I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry I don't think this is the way it should work. I'm not sorry I'm prepared to risk losing the votes of small-minded jerks just because I-"
"We can't govern if we don't win."
"That's what Toby says."
"Toby's right."
"Toby's always right. Next you'll be saying he's your favourite speechwriter."
"He is."
"…"
"Ow!" Theatrically, Josh clutched his arm where Sam had just hit him.
"That didn't hurt you."
"It could have done."
"How?"
"All I'm saying is it could have done."
"How?"
"I don't know - you're the genius, you tell me."
"You're the brilliant political strategist."
"I stand by my previous statement."
"Did you know that Linus Pauling came from Oregon?"
"You want me to ask you who Linus Pauling was."
"..."
"Sam, who was Linus Pauling?"
"He was a twice Nobel Laureate: once in 1954 for Chemistry and once in 1962 for his work campaigning against atmospheric nuclear testing. When he was invited to a dinner for Nobel Laureates by JFK, he spent the day outside the Whitehouse protesting against ANT."
"Ant?"
"You'll get it in a moment."
"... Oh."
"And then in the evening he had dinner with various other Nobel Laureates. And the Kennedys."
"Sam?"
"Josh."
"You're really, really, really not unwanted."
"Nor are you."
"Not just as far as the campaign goes."
"I know."
"Why isn't that enough?"
"For whom?"
"You can't just say 'who for' like a normal guy, can you?"
"That's why y- That's why I'm so special."
"You know what? That isn't enough because Bartlet's got to win. I didn't come and get you for anyone; I came and got you because he's- Because he's got to win. Otherwise it doesn't matter what you do and I do and it doesn't matter how good a speechwriter you are and nothing matters because if he doesn't win, we can't change the world."
"We can change the world."
"We can try. But we can't change the world if we don't make some sacrifices along the way."
"…"
"…"
"Why do you have to be right?"
"That's what they pay me to do."
"…"
"That and sit in a barn with my best friend, feeling like shit."
"They don't pay you enough."
====== FIN ======
((A/N: Just in case you missed it, ANT=Atmospheric Nuclear Testing))