Game: Mass Effect

Pairing: Kaidan/Shepard

Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T

A Proposition

"Let's get married."

Kaidan Alenko nearly choked on his own spit. He had been minding his own business, browsing through a list of his upcoming assignments, when Shepard had suddenly decided to speak up. The sudden break in silence was not unwelcome but it was odd given the routine he'd grown accustomed to during her month long stay in the medbay aboard the Alliance's fleetship.

In the early days of her recovery she'd been bombarded with friends and acquaintances constantly, all eager to check up on the galaxy's savior. The amount of attention she'd received had been overwhelming—even for someone as energetic as her—and after whoever it was that had dropped in to check on her had left to go about the rest of their day, she had always been too tired to do much or even talk. Kaidan, who would always stop by without fail after preforming his Spectre duties for the day, had therefore gotten in the habit of bringing along something to read, simply enjoying her company and the soft puffs of breath escaping from her mouth as she slowly drifted off to sleep, just grateful that she was alive.

The storm of visitors had dwindled in the thirty-one days she'd been trapped in bed, each gradually returning to their lives, picking up the broken pieces of the galaxy that the Reapers had left behind, gluing them together in an effort to return to some form of normalcy. Shepard had spent most of it sleeping, only awake when visitors were there to see her because just as they wanted to make sure that she was indeed alive and breathing, she wanted to assure herself that she had not lost another soul that was precious to her.

Kaidan had watched over her throughout it all, heart swelling with happiness as she slowly recuperated her strength, not minding in the slightest the time she spent with their crewmates. It warmed him to see her smiling, to hear her laugh. He had thought he had lost her forever, not for the first time but a second and it had nearly torn him to pieces.

But she was alive. And everything was fine. Or, at least it would be as soon as he got to the bottom of what had prompted her most recent topic of conversation…

"What?" he managed to articulate after a full five minutes, cheeks heating up as she watched him with an amused grin on her face. She was sitting up, arms resting on her knees, a datapad on the mattress between her legs, bed covers kicked down to the very end.

"I said…let's get married," she said again, this time more slowly, her lips carefully carving each word.

The biotic Spectre wouldn't have been surprised if he swallowed his own tongue as he attempted to say something—anything!—in response to her proposition. Once again all he managed to get out was, "What?"

She grinned that little grin of hers, that one that made his stomach tie up in knots and his knees go weak. She was enjoying this, he knew that on a subconscious level, but he was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea of marriage.

Sure, he'd thought of it before, been planning to propose back before the Collectors had killed her, after which he'd spent weary days and sleepless nights thinking of what could have been and blaming himself every minute that his heart beat and hers didn't.

A part of him didn't think that he deserved a shooting star like her. Wasn't it selfish of him to have her all to himself? To experience love, real love, love unlike any he'd ever had before?

"Cat got your tongue, Kaidan?" she asked sweetly, tilting her head to the side, a mischievous gleam in her eye.

"I…" He ran a hand through his hair, let out a shaky laugh. "Marriage?"

She nodded, eyes still locked on his face, carefully paying attention to every twitch, every shift. "Marriage."

"Are you—what brought—marriage?"

"Is it so hard to believe that I'd want to marry you?" she laughed—god how he loved her laugh—and patted the mattress, indicating that she wanted him to sit down next to her.

He moved automatically, the inner thoughts of his mind still a raging mess. The bed creaked under his added weight, the tension in his body leaving as she snaked her arms around his torso and hugged him to her, mouth kissing the outer shell of his ear lightly.

Closing his eyes, he put his hands over hers, throat closing, mouth pulling into a thin line.

He loved her. He loved her. He loved her.

And she loved him.

So why was the idea of marriage so hard for him to accept?

He knew, did deep down he did.

He just didn't want to admit it.

"Kaidan…what's wrong?"

"I…don't know," he said after a moment, eyes slipping open again. "I just…I don't know."

"It's not because we haven't been having sex, is it?"

"What? No!" He peered over his shoulder at her, thick eyebrows lifted in shock. Too late did he realize it had been a joke and he rolled his eyes, letting out a huff. "Not funny."

"I mean, I could try to go for a couple rounds, but I have the energy of a corpse."

The biotic Spectre shuddered involuntarily at the word corpse, the Commander's arms tightening around him reassuring.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's fine," he exhaled heavily, twisting so he could see her fully.

Her wounds were mostly healed, the worst of the bruising now just a faint memory, most of the bones knitted back together again. She was almost whole again, he couldn't ask for more. And yet…

"I guess, I do know. What I mean is that…I don't know how to say it." Hesitantly he brushed a calloused hand against her face, eyebrows bunching together, fingers trembling, lips quivering. "I just…I can't."

"Can't what, Kaidan?" she asked softly, nuzzling into his palm. "Can't marry me?" Her voice came out a bare whisper, strained, eyes uncertain.

He wanted to kick himself. He had to tell her the truth.

Sitting there, in the medbay, after the bloodiest war the galaxy had seen since Javik's time, after being stranded on an alien planet, after thinking he'd lost her again but being too stubborn to completely give up hope, living to see her again, to embrace her, to kiss her, to have another chance, to love her…

"I can't…lose you again," he croaked. "I can't…I'm not…I'm not…"

"Not what, Kaidan?"

"I'm not strong enough." He swallowed hard, chest deflating as he finally spoke the words. His head hit her chest and he let it stay there, listening to her heartbeat. "I can't…I can't protect you…"

Silence.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before she spoke.

"You're an idiot."

His eyes snapped open. He drew back, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Pardon?"

She was frowning, her eyebrows nearly touching, lips pursed and cheeks flushed. "You're an idiot."

"Well…yeah, I guess, but why?"

"Because you are strong."

He blinked, his expression becoming one of incredulity.

She sniffed and bopped him once on the shoulder. "You heard me, Alenko. You are strong. And I don't want to hear any word otherwise."

"But—"

"No buts!" she exclaimed, pressing a slender finger to his lips. He resisted the urge to kiss it. "Who do you think made me want to live on? Who do you think I was thinking of when I was buried under rubble? Who was so important to me that I couldn't stand the thought of them in pain? Who did I fight this damn war for? And before you say the galaxy and its citizens, personal incentive goes a long, long way."

"I—"

"Who was it that helped me through my rehabilitation?" she continued, voice rising to shrill volume. "Who is it that comes to visit me every day whether I talk to him or not? Who cares enough to stick by me now, even when I'm broken and can't get down and dirty in bed?"

"Shepard—"

There were tears in her eyes, her voice breaking here and there as she tried to hold in what she had buried deep within her psyche. "Who was it that grieved Ash with me? Who was it that listened to my last breath, who heard my dying screams, who cried for me after? Who was it—"

The commander was cut off abruptly as Kaidan crushed his lips to hers, stealing her breath away and swallowing her sorrow whole.

Yes, he was an idiot. He was an idiot on so many levels. And so was she, to an extent. But they were each other's idiots, and that was all that mattered.

They'd hit the rough patches, bumps that would have torn apart a bond lesser than theirs, and they'd made it through none the worse for the wear.

When they could no longer breathe they broke contact, chests heaving as they struggled to pull in enough oxygen, vision dancing, mind hazy.

"You're not broken," he gasped between pants. "Never were."

"And you're not an idiot. Usually." She smiled again, a lone tear streaking down her face.

It was then that he knew that everything would be alright. He had protected her in his own way and she him. But what was more important was that they were a team, that they would never give up. They didn't have to be perfect, didn't have to be the strongest of the strong. They just had to be themselves. It was a small truth, one that was easy to forget.

He smiled back, brushing the drop away with his thumb before cupping her face and bringing his lips to hers once more. The burning need brought on by her passionate display had simmered somewhat, the kiss they shared this time drawn out and sensual. Her hands fisted into his shirt, small moans escaping from her mouth.

"This should…come off…" she said in between kisses.

"What was that…about…the energy…of a corpse?" he inquired, barely able to breathe as their lips separated and met.

"That was…then…this…is now."

He chuckled. That was Shepard, alright. God, how he loved her. "Your wish is my command." His hands went to the top of the grey t-shirt he was wearing and within seconds it was on the floor.

She moved back onto the bed, resting her head on the pillow as he climbed on top of her, all too eager to rid him of his pants. He was eager to get things started as well—it had been ages since they'd last been together—but there was one thing he needed to say first.

"Shepard?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's get married."