He was an idiot.
An obnoxious, obstinate, mindless idiot that would give and give until there was nothing left of him. And he would never ask for anything back. He would offer but never receive. He would sacrifice but never take. And slowly, in a blurred haze, he began to forget. He began to forget how much he actually meant to other people. He began to forget how much important he truly was.
It was ironic, really. He would stop at nothing to protect and fight for his most important people but he himself never understood his own worth.
If only he realized sooner, he wouldn't be hurting as much as he did.
"Damn it!" he screamed, cold fury evident within his blue eyes. Anger was etched into his features like an irremovable tattoo on skin.
He had him. He almost had him. And due to something as petty as chakra exhaustion, he lost him. He lost the fucking chance to bring him back. He fucking lost the chance and that was the nearest he could've gone. It was his biggest chance to save Sasuke from the dark abyss that he had fallen in. And he lost it.
He threw his fist against the wall and gritted his teeth. Blood trickled the front of his knuckles but he remained unfazed as he continued to do the same with his other hand, his anger bordering on tired exasperation.
"How many years has it been?" he asked softly. His labored panting rang loudly in his own ears and he fell to his knees, bloody fists right beside his feet. "Three… no, five years?"
He laughed bitterly. It had been that long and nothing changed.
He chases after him, and Sasuke runs away.
He took a shuddering inhale and blew out a shaky exhale.
"How long will this cycle go on?"
"Naruto," Sakura sternly began, resolution burning within her somber emerald eyes, "This is enough. How much of your life are you planning on betting to take him back? You nearly died from exhausting your chakra reserves and the injuries you sustained…" Her eyes narrowed. "Those injuries… Naruto, Sasuke was actually trying to kill you."
Naruto stared at her and smirked dryly. "It's obvious he isn't succeeding. And even if he did, what else more do I have to lose? I promised that I'll take him back. I can't be the Hokage if I can't save one of my friends, can I? I can't be anything until he comes back, Sakura-chan. So if I die- I don't exactly see what's so wrong with it."
The sound of skin meeting skin rang loudly within the room.
Blazing emerald met startled blue.
"I've had enough of this bullshit, Uzumaki! You've done enough damage to yourself and to us! You're so fixated and obsessed with taking him back that you can't even see how much you're suffering because of it! And we… we are forced to watch you from the sidelines, incapable of doing anything at all to help you! Do you know how much that hurts? To see one of your precious people suffer while you stand there, powerless?" she screamed. "I can't bear seeing you in this state anymore! You never ask anybody for help. You never rely on anybody. You do everything by yourself! If you can't even help yourself, how on earth do you expect to help Sasuke?"
She gripped his face and only then did he see the tears that came trickling down her pale cheeks.
"Please, Naruto," she weakly murmured, "Please don't chase after him anymore… For us and for you…"
Naruto slowly raised his hands to gently hold Sakura's hands in his own and he looked her in the eyes. He smiled sadly and shook his head as he took Sakura's hands off of his face.
"I… can't."
Sakura closed her eyes. "I guess even I can't change your mind, huh?"
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan…"
"You're an idiot, you know that, right?"
"I know," Naruto said, smiling sorrowfully.
"I guess I never managed to say thank you."
Kakashi blinked, startled out of his wits to hear Naruto suddenly thank him for something that he wasn't quite sure about. He closed his book and hid it in his pocket, expression curious.
"For what?" the man asked.
Naruto stopped walking and Kakashi paused just a few feet ahead of him. He looked up, his blue eyes sincere. "Thank you for looking after me when I couldn't," he said with a shrug. "I don't know how it must have been like to lose everyone you held dear but what I do know is that even in the middle of everything, you managed to do what you could to protect me and not anybody could've had the strength to do that. So, thank you. I'm really glad that you were my father's student."
He scratched the back of his head and grinned. "Don't beat yourself up too much. I can tell that you're regretting that you couldn't have done anything regarding Sasuke's decision to leave the village but really, we all share the blame- me most of all. I was his best friend yet I couldn't have done anything."
Kakashi's fist clenched and he felt the sting at Naruto's words. He had been beating himself over and over again for not managing to keep the team together. And for him to be thanked for something he couldn't do properly… he honestly didn't know what to feel.
"Naruto," Kakashi murmured. There was anguish. There was regret. But most of all, there was gratitude.
"Thank you."
Naruto just smiled.
Naruto sat by the trunk of gigantic tree, his eyes downcast as he fiddled with his forehead protector on his lap. He looked up and averted his gaze from the glaring rays of the sunlight.
Sakura stood not too far behind with worry in her features as she pointedly stared at the white gauzes that were securely wrapped around his head, neck, torso, arms and legs.
"You shouldn't be here outside, you know. Tsunade-sama might get mad at you."
He glanced at her from where he sat and laughed, the sound a lot more haunting than it used to. His eyes were unfocused and his smile was nearly non-existent as he spoke.
"It's fine as long as you don't tell her, Sakura-chan."
Sakura didn't say anything, merely staring at her former teammate with a sad gaze.
His last meeting with Sasuke hadn't ended so well. Hell, she didn't doubt the possibility of death claiming Naruto had Sai not acted as quickly as he did. He was a hair strand away from dying and, much to her unsettlement; he didn't seem all that bothered. He took it calmly when he awoke, demanding that he be allowed to leave the hospital because he hated being locked up in a room when recuperating. Tsunade, not one to let things slide past her attention, frowned contemplatively at first before tapping Sakura's shoulder and shaking her head.
Sakura could only think of one reason for her to make such a face when she did.
There was no hope.
Naruto was breaking.