it waz a steamy late august morning, and the hottest babe in america was bein awoken by the chirpin of lil birdies outside his window. the babe stirred, and let out a massive howl. the birdies dead. blood everywhere. the babe closed his window and yawned w/ exhaustion. he dressed himself slowly, relishin the touch of his supple boday and takin the thyme to send a hot nude to his lover, mikkael sokolich, hoo happened 2 b da mayer of this cool plase in new jersey (aka he*k). finally, the stud finished gettin clothed. he shoved his name tag onto his upper lip, so every1 would b sure 2 see it. so everyone knew he was da boss - chris christie.
sudenly his lil flip fone started a ringin and he had 2 pick et up. it was a number he didnet recognize. "hello, who dis?" questioned chris in his hot, sexy voice.
"it me, babe. it michael" replied the husky, entrancing voice on the end of the line. christie tried real hard not to fall 4 this player. he was a democrate, for gosh sakes! christie no like democrate. but this hot voice just drew christie back every thyme…
"oh hai mike. didn't recognice dis numbr. wat up?"
"o dis is just mitt's fone… anyway uh-"
"mitt? like mitt romenye?"
"ya"
"wat u doin wit mitt romeney?"
"look, chris… i'm sry but… we cant b 2getha any more. i luv mitt nao. i'm so sory. bye" and with that the lvoe of chris christie's life hung up. christie was alone. he had sent a n00d to a mane who did not care baot him. he crie many hour.
chrs cared so much about mickael, he loved him withall his heart and wanted 2 produce the kildrens with the love of his life. live simple lifewith wite power picket fence.
"y, go*dh would u put me thro so much paine fries" chris christie moans as he lies on th floor listning 2 vintage viynle recording of linking pakrings. christ christie could relate 2 these songs on a personal level thts why he cried everytim they played. chris christie continued 2 cry and sing th lyrics 2 numb while thinking about who he thought he lovd.
"u said u wasnt sad 2 see him go, but its clear u were tho" chris muttrs as he chokes on his tearses.
"ur bettr off without him anywey,,," he says as he rolls ovr on his side and faces the wall like a tru pink floyrds.
"come on pull urself 2gether christie, u can do this i kno u can u rlly can liv life withou micheal hes just 1 guy ther r so many othr guys out there tht wont betray u and completely ignor all of the nudes u hav sent evn tho u tried rlly hard in all of those nudes and tbh i thought i looked pretty hot in all of thm"
christ sits up. he was angry now. he was thirsrt 4 revenge and theres a special poison 4 that and its name is expandable boy genius dong.
chris christie went on to google, feeling his pulse rising with excitement. he types in "hot sexy boy genius" and something amazing came up.. first result he clicked was the hottest boi evar!
christie read the boy's profile on friendster with enthusiasm "hey everybodi i'm jimmeh neutron hahah! i'm an expert on sexie enterprises and i'm also ur go to guy for revenge plots! mad at ur ex? i can soothe the pain physically n emotionalie ;))) my hair doublz as a dildo btw. bisexy but def more in2 boys. scene queen 4 lyfe. luve linkin park n mcr. i do drugs but only adderall bc i steal it frm som kid lolz. smoke alochols cant tell me how live lyfe. luv jesus. bai!"
chris christie's jaw droped… this hot sexy genisue could solve all his problem. he could make mikael's life suck and also soothe the pain insyde. plus he was also a scene queen and liked linkin park!
chris quickly made out a request form for this jimmy neutron, and waited for a response.
It took 5 dey. in tht period of tyme chris christie melted away slowly and dyed mor n mor inside. each day he lost mor n mor hopes. he drank tons of baileys and rarely got out of his bed. he hit rock bottom. his once luscious locks began to frizz and die. hiz vibrant eyez lost all colur. they became whit. his teeth fell out.
chris christie was a shell of his former slef. by day 5, he had lost 15 percent of his girth. he felt like he was nekked, hopelessly vulnerable in a world of violennse n miserie.
on day 5, christie was elated 2 fynd a reply from jimbo. "hey babe," it said, "u sound realy hot. i think i heard of u b4. ur fame governror? yes. if u r then i must say u r very haute. very delicius. now look, i hav decide 2 help u. this mikkal has wronged u, n i can sorta fix it by making him wronged 2. duble negativ make postsive hahaha! i'm a genius, rememebr? lol. anywayz, i have construct glorous plan 4 u. it involve a bridge call the thomas jeefferson bridge or sumfin. u dont need 2 no specifik. just no tht i will make mikkal suckonadick suffer 4 wat he did to u. as for ur mor… smexy (as i lik 2 say) needz, i think i can solve ur issuez. meet me at Super Weenie Hut Jr. we will go from dere, kk? seven o clock friday, my lusucois muffin lump. sea u den. xoxoxoxoxoox jimmie vanity neutron (aka jimmy schizophrenia)"
chris found that he was suddenly dwayne the rock hard.
aftr jacking his meat 4 a solid 2 hours, chris christie looked down at his hands and realized his dream goo was infused with another substance. it was bloof, like from bloof on the danse flor. christ christise felt like a true scene kidldren. christ also noticed it was l8 at nite, so he knew he should probably catch som z's in preparation of meeting th dreemy jimbo newtrens and th ruinings of mickals meaningles pathetic lif.
the week went and soon enuff friday came. gainging most of th weight he lost and more, chrit christie was thciker than ever and wore esp tight suits 2 show the ever so sexy jimmy newt just how sensual he truly is. b4 he arrived, christ chrities got a little tipsy so he could ensure tht he could b 100% honest with jimy, knowing tht they r totally capabl of hitting it off.
walking thro the giant glass doubl doors, chris christbles waddles his way in2 the facility. it smells of weiner and sweat, most likely an old chuck e cheeses. just then, sum1 taps christs christmies plump shoulder.
"who tht" christ christie spins around on his kankle.
"it me" jimsey newton whisprs, his bulbous blu eyes lookin right in2 chris chrities mud banks.
"u beautful" christ christie gasps as his double chin wobbls.
"lol thnkies i kno" jimey says as he slick ricks his hair in2 its famous didonk shape. perfect penetration.
"lets get down 2 buesines neton, we can do the flirtlings later. u, however, r alarmingly charming" christ christies says as he blushes,"i belib u hav a good plan rgarding the tj bridge:
"hecks ya i has good plan! but i musnt tell u it, it is 4 ur own good babe." jimmy wonks.
"o, okay. do whatevr u must do. i must make sure michal suffers greatly 4 leaving me out in the cold like tht. I will nvr 4give him for the pain fries he has inflicted on me." christie says as "mam tę moc" by linkin park plays in the bg. did u know linkin park is actually a bnd that oroginiated in belarus which is actually a part of californa? ya i didnt think so. get an educatn ya hek nerds. learn som real inforatmiton. the facts. dont lissen 2 da libral media. watch fox newz.
the song left christie feeling impowered, he knew he was only hours away from completely destorying michals life 4ever, he was ready 2 watch micahl slowly crumbl and fall in on himself. that would bring christie ultimate pleasure.
christie puts out his hand.
"jimy, do ur absoulte worst. i trust that u have the ability 2 go thro with a mission as sinister as this," christie says as he looks directly at the monstrosity ontop of jimys enormous hed.
"i wont let u down " jimy says as he smacks christies butt hard, lodging his little hand in2 the abyss.
"hel ya" christie honks.
jimmy used his lasr eyez to burn away christie's suit. in the process he accidentally burned christie a lil. christie squealed. he lookd like a lil pork chop, all big n pink. jimmy suddenly felt an urge. an overpowering need.
he began to bite christie gently at first, sendin chillz down both of there spines. he saverd the taste of christie flesh and made sweet luvre w/ his tongue to christies boday. his biting increased in vigor. christie's moans turned into screams. shattering, pained, animalistic screeches. he begged for jimmy to stop, and yet pleaded for him to go on. teeth met the hard solidness of bone. jimmy engorged himself ravenously - this was a carnal desire he had felt since the dawn of his very existence. it had buried itself within him, and now, somehow, chris christie, the governor of new joizy, had awakened the beast. jimmy neutron was hungry. the feast has begun.