I think of myself as the most coward man in the whole world since I left myself hanging in the red thread of fate. Call me stupid, weird or anything you can call me. I am now a twenty-five year owner of the biggest company in Japan, a young entrepreneur with skills and made ladies fall in their knees and begs to be their husband. I have everything to own and gain, yet I am still on the edge of the knife. I was still holding on to that pain. Indeed, it's not easy to be loved and be loved, especially when you already told her that you love her and gave her your first kiss. I almost had her in my grasp but it end up with a flaming argument. If I wasn't an insensitive jerk, I could have marry her three years ago, right after I graduated college.
My clock reads ten thirty in the evening as I am nearly finishing my paper works to be done tonight and yet I can still hear our heated conversation echoes in my mind . . .
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"Kyoya-senpai I don't understand why everything must be under the splendor of your high class verdict?!"
"To be precise, Miss Fujioka, in order to keep things right, even though it against other complaints and reaction, the people had given their decision, that's why you need to be out of the club"
"After all these things that we've been going through? Why now, Kyoya?! From the moment that you kissed me in spite of you showing weakness because you love me, and all this time . . ."
"Look, it's not what I meant, I . . . am just stressed"
"No cover ups this time, Kyoya. I had enough"
Tears flow in her cheeks after everyone agreed to let her go after her debt was paid. It was the two of us in the host club when we have the heated conversation. No one knew that silent cold war between us, but as much as I want to, I want to tell her how I really feel that time that I did it because I was so jealous when some guys was near her. But instead, she walk away, never talked to each other again until I graduated from high school. Long before the commotion, it was normal to talk with her all day long, smiling at each other, greeting at each other everyday, come over to her house when I really need her the most and to know more about the other side of her. I was under her father's guidance too in taking her hand in the future, and yet it was all gone: the chances and the things I built was gone.
"I totally hate you, Kyoya! I really do!" these was her last words before she didn't talk to me again.
Probably, I am the worst guy ever known to mankind for being insensitive and clueless.
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Drinking my cold coffee that my secretary gave me an hour ago, I am saving the files on my laptop before I go home tonight. Closing all the applications in my desktop, I was gazing on the collage I made with different clipped pictures of her and saved it to be in my desktop background. I was keeping myself updated about her too: after she graduated last year, she became a multi-awarded, highly-paid and one of the young successful attorneys in Japan today, currently under Mori-senpai's guidance. News over media and publications spread that the two had a good chemistry to each other.
If that's the case I can't fight for it anymore. That's the end for me.
"Sir?" my secretary knocked behind the door as I instructed to let her in. I closed my laptop carefully as she bowed to me in greeting.
"What is it, Erin?" I asked as she bowed at me.
"You have surprise guest tonight, sir. She really wants to see you"
"But I told you that I don't accept sudden appointments, Miss Daiki, especially in the middle of the night . . ." I raised my voice as the uninvited guest stepped into my office. I was in great shock. Of course, of all people, she was the least that I expect to come from the Ootori Zaibatsu. She was no stranger to me either.
Especially, this woman's the broken shard that I still keep and locked inside my heart for years and the other tied string on the red thread of fate.
"Thank you, Miss Daiki. Leave the rest to me. I know how to tame this man. You may leave" she instructed as Erin excused herself and walked away from my office. Looking at me, she closed the door as she walked slowly towards the couch.
"I see you didn't quite change, Mister Ootori" she greeted as she sit on the couch. She was wearing a lilac suit and pencil skirt that portrays her seductive curves with brown stockings and three-inch black leather heels. Her hair was now long and slashed. How tempting.
Back to my senses, I was able to question why she was here in the middle of the night.
"It's pure business, sir. I am here as you requested to sign the papers that Attorney Morinozuka asked you hours ago" she went to my table and hand over the papers.
Yes. This is strictly business.
Looking on the papers, I reviewed it while she sit on the couch. Minutes later, it was all in dead silence as her phone ring. Haruhi stands from the couch.
"If you may excuse me, Sir. I'll take this call" she excused herself as she walk away from the room. When the door was now close, I take a deep breath and heaved a heavy sigh about what happened just now. I can't just hold back after what happened in the past. If possible, I want to fix this. I don't want to close doors. I just can't just let go of her. I still love her.
Minutes later, she came back with a tray with that smile. Then again, I finished signed the papers.
"Here you go . . ." I told her as she put the tray on my table. She puts the Earl Grey tea and a plate of croissants on my table. She get the papers and puts the tray on the utility table near the wine selection cabinet. She put the papers on her briefcase as she look on her watch then returns her soft glare at me.
"I'm afraid that I need to go ahead, Mister Ootori. Sorry to bother you in the middle of the night though. I made a compensation . . ."
"No, Miss Fujioka, It's fine" I blurted out as she left out a small chuckle she hid on her other hand. She was walking slowly towards my door as I stammered. Haruhi looks at me quickly as I my heart was quickly pounding.
"Haruhi. . . about what I did . . ." I lowered my voice as she smiled.
"Yes?" she replied as she turned her head while she is ready to open the door.
"I thought you forgotten me . . . through the years since you didn't talk to me" I even lowered my voice as she turns herself, facing the door.
"If you think I already forgotten you, I never did. Not even once in my life. Have a good evening, Kyoya" she said as she bowed and walk away from my office. Looking on the teacup, I drink it and ate the croissants. With just that, I saw a folded paper, opened it and read the following:
I'll be leaving soon, Kyoya. I think this will be the last time I'm going to see you again after the visit. I just want you to know that everything you do in the past was for my own good. It was for my merit, not yours. It was the first time that I saw you doing something not for your own merit, that's why I didn't talk to you because I am not worthy of your time. If you are thinking that I wasn't there in the times that you wish that I was there, I was always there: inside you heart.
Though I have small amount of time to be with you tonight, I didn't have the chance to ask for forgiveness on the things I did in the past. All I also want was a sincere apology from you, but it seems that whatever your reply is, I already accept what outcomes may be. I will not closing the doors here, Kyoya. I'll be waiting, if you can still catch me.
Haruhi
I was on the edge of my seat, with the profound words of "not closing the doors". Is this the time that I must rekindle our broken friendship?
I rushed through the door while running on the hallway. I don't care if my people was looking at me dashing through the elevator. I entered the elevator and immediately closed the door. I set it on the mode where the elevator cannot pick riders from different floors. I was praying and hoping that she was still on the ground floor, waiting for taxi. I can feel that my heart's racing fast, hands shaking, shortness of breath, shaking voice, sweating and tears slowly fell in my eyes. I wipe my tears as the elevator door opened
on the ground floor. Looking for everywhere, I can see her going out of the establishment as I ran towards her. People were shocked because I was there, and it's not my nature to rush myself in the sea of crowded people. I can see that she walked away from the taxi area.
Is she walking alone tonight?
We were ten meters apart as I followed her. I can see that she was walking through the cold and dark alleys. Walking through the steep stairs, watching out for stray dogs and even I was walking on the past pace to chase her, she stopped as she looked on her back, looking towards me. She turned her body around as the cold wind chills both of us in the dark alley of a subdivision.
"What was your merit that makes you following me here?" she asked as I walk towards her.
"The biggest merit I ever have that I accidentally let go before, and now, I don't want to go home without it" I concluded as she was still standing until I reach her and stand in front of her.
"Kyoya, I . . ." she stammered as I hold her both hands. I can clearly see that her eyes were tearing up.
"Let's cut down the chase. I don't want to spend my whole life to be alone again. I am so sorry for being so insensitive in the past, and I admit I was really wrong to let you go" I explained as tears fell in her cold cheeks as her cheeks were red.
"If I wasn't a coward that time, I could have marry you three years ago!" I blurted as she was shock after the revelation I told her. She was stammering as I can feel my cheeks red.
"If you are willing to give me another chance, Haruhi, please . . ." her glasses were fogged up as I can hear her soft painful sob.
"But I am already broken, Kyoya. I already tried . . . but I am still incomplete. How could I be complete again without you?" she blurted out as she shrug my hands out of her shoulders as she was now crying loudly. As she was preparing to go away, I hold her right hand, pull her softly towards me as I hug her tight enough not to let go of her.
"I am already here, Haruhi . . . " I whispered as she was squirming around.
"Let go of me!" she was squealing loudly as she wants to shrug my arms again, but she failed. I tried my best not to let go of her. Accidentally, I opened my arms as she was let go of my arms. She looked at me with the weary weeping face she was showing. Slowly, my tears were falling in my eyes.
"It must be hard to be on your position. I am so sorry, Haruhi. But if doesn't look like to be the same as before, it's okay"
What was wrong with me? What's with these tears flowing in my eyes? No matter how I want to stop these tears falling from these eyes, it won't stop. Haruhi was shocked after what she saw. She walked towards me as she wipe my tears from my cheeks. Cupping them both, she was looking into my eyes with the weepy eyes.
"Promise you won't leave me anymore . . . please . . ." pleaded Haruhi as I made her calm down as I wipe her tears from her face, then I bring her close to me.
"I was planning not to go home without you . . . I have been longing for this kind of feeling since forever, Haruhi. Please don't make me beg. I am not accustomed to beg, my dear" whispered to her ear as she nodded.
"I beg to differ, dear sir. I hate to pry, but I want to know how much you need me . . ." she asked as I raised a brow at her.
"You never imagine how much I did fell in love with you the day you walk in that door with that big brown sweater and that awkward golden Rayban glasses from your grandpa . . ." I smirked as she let out a small chuckle.
"You never change at all, Kyoya" she sighed as I nodded, leaned on her forehead and closed my eyes. I can feel that she hold my both shoulders, tiptoed and kissed me in the lip. I can remember how I kissed her for the first time in the infirmary on that time. I let her arms wrap in my neck as she allowed me to kiss her back. I closed my eyes, savoring the hungry kisses that I have been longing for years of that silent cold war was now ended with this. As soon as our lips parted, I was looking deeply in her eyes, fires has been ignited once again.
"You never knew how much I love you, dear Haruhi. I'll never let you go ever again" I assured as I entwine my hands with hers as we walk slowly on the cold, dark alleys that leads to her apartment.
"Nothing that I could wish for, Kyoya . . ." hearing that reassurance made my heart lighten up as I smiled at her. There's nothing that I could wish for than to be with you each and every single day. From this, I won't be coward to tell anyone how much I felt for you. Now she trusts me more than ever, I must not fail to this covenant I made to her.
An Eternal Covenant. Yes. I was planning to. But we will start from the bottom where we left of. Even though how long it takes, the important is we're together.
I will never let you go again.