LUNAR RESTORATION
This is a revision of sorts of the final episode of Moonlighting. I don't want to change all the history, just maybe the last 15 minutes. Hope you (and Maddie and David) can live with that.
I don't own the characters, I just love them…and want them to be happy – together!
Scene:
The LA Police Department
After the "Almost" Wedding.
The camera pans down the line up – all of whom are waiting to have their mug shots taken. We stop at the end of the line at Maddie and Jamie.
JAMIE: This isn't going to go on my permanent record, is it?
MADDIE: Oh, I don't think so. They'll probably drop the charges.
JAMIE: I hope so. I don't want anything hurting my chances of getting a P.I. license.
MADDIE: Oh Jamie, you don't want to be a detective. It's dirty, thankless work. Why don't you stick to something more respectable?
JAMIE: I don't know. I mean, I've never felt more alive than being out there in the field with Mr. Addison.
MADDIE: You were out in the field with Mr. Addison?
JAMIE: On the Anselmo case. We went undercover in his shower…..you know, to throw off Mrs. Anselmo. Mr. Addison said I was a natural.
ON MADDIE
….realizing the truth…..looking at Jamie, though not really seeing her. She mutters, almost to herself…..
MADDIE: I'm sure you were. And you certainly tricked Mrs. Anselmo.
Switch to Police Station front desk.
Close up on manila envelope with DiPesto written on it….Agnes pulls out a bedraggled bridal bouquet.
DAVID: You know, it's pretty hard to live with yourself after you've trespassed on private property.
The desk sergeant hands him an envelope.
DAVID: I probably would have hung myself if you guys hadn't been kind enough to take my shoelaces away.
He checks out the contents of his envelope. He looks up and sees Annie, a little ways down the hall, waiting for Mark.
She makes eye contact with David, and he just looks at her for a moment, his expression unreadable.
Annie looks away coolly, as her husband enters the picture and crosses to her. She kisses her husband, and then, the couple turns and exits.
David just stands and watches them go. Across the room, Maddie observes the whole scene, a curious expression on her face.
David heads towards the door to the outside. It's a do or die moment for Maddie…
A familiar sound…
MADDIE: David Addison! I need to talk to you.
David rolls his eyes and keeps walking.
DAVID: You talk…maybe I'll listen later.
MADDIE: David, I mean it.
He turns and faces her.
DAVID: Maddie, I'm tired, I'm wet, and I'm pretty sure I am chapped in places where no human being should be chapped.
MADDIE: I don't really care.
David's eyes blaze.
DAVID: And now, I'm irritated. I'm pretty sure you don't want to start this with me…whatever THIS is.
Maddie deals it right back.
MADDIE: Well, I'm pretty sure I do…right here, right now.
DAVID: Too bad, I'm going.
MADDIE: You're staying.
DAVID: I'm going.
MADDIE: You're staying.
The volume has risen steadily with each exchange until they are screaming at each other. The room is still full of Wobblies and wedding guests, who huddle around, fascinated.
DAVID: Watch me.
David abruptly turns on his heel and again heads towards the door.
MADDIE: (shrilly) David Addison, don't walk away from me!
DAVID: Turnabout is fair play, my lovely.
MADDIE: You need to let that go, David. Anyway, we're not talking about me – we're talking about you.
DAVID: Yeah…and why is that? Why does it seem like we've spent hours of airtime discussing the faults and flaws of one David Addison, and next to no time on the foibles of Madolyn Hayes.
MADDIE: You're avoiding the issue.
The onlookers are absorbed, their heads snapping back and forth like the gallery at a tennis match.
David looks at the camera.
DAVID: Did you hear any issue?
He looks around the room, addressing the other people there.
DAVID: Anybody hear an issue?
They all shake their heads "no".
DAVID: Confirmed non-issue, Maddie. Next?
MADDIE: If you would just shut your mouth for one second….stop entertaining the troops and…..
She sees his expression and her voice tails off. David stands still and silent, staring at her for what seems like an eternity. When he opens his mouth, he is calm, and serious.
DAVID: Fine. We will have your conversation…here in front of God and all these witnesses. But I am telling you…warning you...this will be the last conversation of this type that we will ever have.
MADDIE: Meaning?
DAVID: Meaning I'm just about done.
MADDIE: I wish.
DAVID: Be careful what you wish for, Blondie.
He looks directly at her.
DAVID: I'm done with you lecturing me, haranguing me, looking down on me…
Maddie: I don't…
DAVID: You do – and it's the last time. So rally your troops, get out the big guns…..we're gonna settle this for good.
MADDIE: I don't get it. What ridiculous nonsense are you spouting now?
David shouts.
DAVID: This is the end, baby. A struggle to the death. Divided we stand, divided we fall.
MADDIE: What do you mean? Do you know what you mean?
DAVID: You've never had trouble grasping the English language before. Read my lips – David Addison and Maddie Hayes….mano a womano…air it all out, and then we can both walk away.
MADDIE: Who said anything about walking away? All I wanted to do is ask you a simple question about what Jamie told me.
The onlookers all turn to look at Jamie, who tries to creep to the edges of the crowd.
DAVID: I said something about walking away….ME! Before you make me completely crazy.
MADDIE: Too late…..you're nuttier than a fruitcake. Since when does "I want to talk" mean walk away?
DAVID: Not sure about any of your definitions. But I do know I have had it up to here with your Queen of the Manor act…and your patronizing acceptance of my inferior self.
MADDIE: YOU make your "self" inferior. I thought I knew you. I thought we were friends….partners…
DAVID: Pals? Please, let's not go there again.
MADDIE: Given the way you've acted over the last couple weeks, I don't feel like I've ever known you.
DAVID: Finally, we agree on something. And you know what's sad….I know you like the back of my hand…and you don't know me at all!
MADDIE: I don't know the stranger you've become…..you've been acting like an adolescent, depraved, immoral…
David starts to goad the troops.
DAVID: Here we go folks. Welcome to the craptacular – see for yourself the stupendous eruption of the Hayes internal cesspool!
The crowd begins to mumble.
DAVID: You all should pull up a chair. This could get entertaining.
Maddie and David start to shout back and forth…..not their usual overlapping banter…but volleys that play off each other and seems to complete each other's thoughts. Each statement is tossed out, and punctuated with crowd reaction noises.
MADDIE: Idiot….insensitive jerk…wouldn't know a real emotion if it jumped up and bit him in the…
DAVID: Pain in the posterior, holier than thou, self absorbed shrew who
MADDIE: Has no business interacting with real human beings.
DAVID: At least I am a human being – not sure that your cardboard cutout self could…
MADDIE: Show one ounce of true substance…..cowardly legend in your own mind…
They both pause for a moment…they are almost nose to nose…..chests heaving, eyes glaring…..the volume in the room is pushing major decibels.
The police sergeant enters the room, wondering what all the noise is about. He is bone weary from dealing with all of the day's reprobates, including the volumes of paperwork generated by this wedding/pool party gone awry. His patience is gone.
MADDIE: Virtually preying on a married woman, never considering the consequences…what it might do to her…to me….to anyone but yourself…..and then, when you got bored…..giving her the big brush-off.
David delivers his big shot.
DAVID: (snidely) Eh…just hasn't been my year for blondes…sticking to redheads from now on.
He pauses for effect.
DAVID: Anyway…what's the big deal? It's all in the family.
Maddie shrieks…an almost unidentifiable noise, and raises her hand to slap him. (Methinks this sounds a bit familiar).
A large blue clad arm, grabs Maddie's raised arm from behind, and stops her attack on David. She tries to jerk free, but the sergeant is not letting go.
SERGEANT: Calm down now, lady. In fact, both of you need to stow it, so I can inform you that you are under arrest.
DAVID: What, again?
MADDIE: What for?
SERGEANT: You pick it. For disturbing MY peace. For sober and disorderly. For a suspicion that I don't want to release either of you on an unsuspecting world.
MADDIE: Those aren't real charges.
SERGEANT: So then you won't mind being put in a non-real cell, and going before a non-real judge.
He looks sternly at the others in the room.
SERGEANT: And if all the rest of you don't clear out of here pronto, you're going to be joining them.
The Wobblies…the party guests….even the bride and groom hightail it to the exit door. Agnes looks back apologetically as Bert propels her forward.
BERT: Mr. Addison, Ms. Hayes, don't worry. We'll get you out of here.
SERGEANT: Not for quite a while, buddy. These two need quite a calming down before I will consider releasing them.
Maddie seethes at David.
MADDIE: See what you did?
DAVID: What I did? You…
The sergeant's voice booms.
SERGEANT: Not another peep out of either of you.
David's eyes sparkle and he looks sorely tempted, but remains silent.
SARGEANT: I don't need to use cuffs, do I?
DAVID: Only if it gives you a thrill. Or maybe you'd better ask the lady….I'm not so sure about her habits anymore.
MADDIE: Shut up.
SERGEANT: Both of you shut up. Until I get you to the basement lock-up, I don't want to hear another word.
He takes each of them by an arm…..him in the middle, and the threesome heads for the stairs.
Scene:
A familiar looking room
A long hall, ending in a pair of adjoining cells. We viewers….and David….recognize the setting as the cell block from "Blonde on Blonde". Mercifully, today both of the cells are empty.
DAVID: Hey, I've been here before.
Both the Sergeant and Maddie speak at once.
SERGEANT: Big surprise. MADDIE: Big surprise!
David gives them both an amused look.
The Sergeant leads Maddie to the cell on the left, and David to the one on the right. There are only bars between the cells, which does not really help to ease the tension between the two of them.
Maddie flounces to the back of the cell. The only seat is a bench in the back corner, attached to the wall, and butting up against the shared bars.
She sits, but swivels her body so her back faces the other cell.
David goes into the other cell. He stands, not looking at Maddie.
SERGEANT: Well, you can yell as much as you want down here. Nobody to bother but the mice.
David shakes his head.
DAVID: I'm through yellin'. How about you, Maddie?
She doesn't answer.
DAVID: Guess she's done too. So…..can we cut the comedy here….you've slapped our hands, we promise to behave….can we just get the hell out of here?
SERGEANT: No soap, Addison. You just need to calm down. I'll be back before the end of my shift…maybe even today's shift.
He laughs at his own joke.
SERGEANT: You need anything, give Officer Perez here a holler.
He indicates the female officer who sits at a desk by the outer door. She is clearly engrossed in the sports page, and grunts in response.
The Sergeant walks off laughing, and silence descends.
David walks towards the bars that separate them and addresses Maddie.
DAVID: Would you look at this? His and her cells. Who'd've thunk it?
Maddie's back is stiff. She fails to respond. David walks towards the bars.
Maddie senses rather than sees him.
MADDIE: You'd better stay away from those bars, Addison. Right now, I would have no problem reaching through and strangling you…..and not a court in the land would convict me.
David runs his hands through his hair, rubs his eyes, shakes his head…looking totally defeated.
He sits down on the bench in his cell, just staring at her. Finally, he speaks…his voice is low, and its tone much different that the shouting of a few moments ago.
DAVID: Maddie…..
She doesn't respond.
DAVID: That was a pretty lousy thing to say…I'm sorry.
Back gets stiffer, silence gets more deafening.
DAVID: Please….talk to me.
She turns to face him, but she is not enraged….just sad. Her eyes are wet.
MADDIE: Isn't that what I was trying to do? It just doesn't seem like we have anything to say to each other anymore.
David sighs.
DAVID: Ask me your questions, and I'll answer them.
MADDIE: Not sure I am up to today's version of the David Addison Comedy Hour.
DAVID: …..honestly.
Maddie considers him for a moment, then decides.
MADDIE: Jamie told me you and she did some undercover work in your shower...to fool Mrs. Anselmo?
DAVID: In a manner of speaking.
MADDIE: Mrs. Anselmo – AKA Annie?
DAVID: Yes.
MADDIE: Why did you do that?
David pauses for a moment, then speaks cautiously.
DAVID: Annie's husband invited me for a drink the other day. He needed to tell someone he knew that she was having an affair.
Maddie's eyes widen.
DAVID: He didn't know who with, just that she was involved with someone.
MADDIE: What did you say?
DAVID: I mostly listened.
David shakes his head.
DAVID: He wanted to meet the guy. He wanted to find out if Annie would be better off with her lover. Mark said he was willing to step aside.
MADDIE: Oh.
DAVID: He said it was the only thing you could do if you really loved somebody.
MADDIE: Oh my.
David tries to shrug it off.
DAVID: Annie needed a little push in the right direction.
MADDIE: Hence the shower?
DAVID: Hence the shower. If I turned out to be the bad guy, she'd have no need for future regrets. I owed her that much.
Maddie looks at him, not quite able to make up her mind.
MADDIE: And you walk away free and clear…..unscathed.
David looks at her coolly.
DAVID: Actually, I feel pretty damned scathed.
David looks at her with a challenge in his eyes.
DAVID: You have another question?
MADDIE: Yes…no…I don't know.
His voice is almost a whisper.
DAVID: Ask me.
MADDIE: How do you feel? Are you happy?
DAVID: Happy…no. Feeling stupid….relieved…a little ashamed. Now I have a question for you. Are you happy it ended up this way?
Maddie starts to equivocate.
MADDIE: Well, I'm glad Annie and Mark get another chance…..
DAVID: Madolyn Hayes – how do YOU feel?
Maddie refuses to meet his eyes and mumbles her response.
MADDIE: I'm glad she's gone.
A change of subject seems needed. David stands and walks around the cell a bit, seemingly reminiscing out loud.
DAVID: This feels a little different than the last time I was here. Of course, it's kinda backwards. I was over there, and a different beautiful blonde was in this cell.
Maddie listens…it feels like David has a point.
DAVID: We were both suspects in the same murder.
MADDIE: Murder?
DAVID: Yep, I had just spent the evening chasing you all over town.
MADDIE: Chasing me? Should I remember this?
DAVID: Not likely. I'm a detective, remember.
He smiles wryly.
DAVID: You wouldn't have spotted me.
Maddie is intrigued.
MADDIE: When was this?
DAVID: That night about two years ago – your "blue" period – your chastity belt was pinching you – any of this ring a bell?
MADDIE: Yes, but why were you chasing me?
DAVID: (simply) I was worried about you.
Maddie says nothing.
DAVID: Followed you to a grocery store, to Metropolis…got a real earful of pickup lines never to try.
Maddie grimaces, remembering.
DAVID: Evidently, some one stole your coat and hat.
MADDIE: That's right.
DAVID: Well, I ended up hot on the trail of your coat and hat, thinking it was you in them.
MADDIE: Finest detective skills around.
DAVID: Don't mock, it gets worse.
MADDIE: Worse?
DAVID: The murder part? She did it…all for love.
MADDIE: Oh.
DAVID: None of that is what is memorable about this place….or that blonde.
MADDIE: Do I want to hear this?
DAVID: I hope so. We talked for a while, mostly about you. Then she asked me if you knew that I loved you.
Maddie inhales sharply.
DAVID: I tried to deny it. But she saw right through me. Told me I needed to tell you.
MADDIE: (a little sharply) But you didn't.
DAVID: I tried. Came banging on your door at 4 AM.
MADDIE: I didn't answer the door?
DAVID: Nope…Sam did.
MADDIE: And didn't tell me?
DAVID: And didn't tell you.
MADDIE: God, it's never been easy for us, has it? Feels like the universe conspired against us….so many times.
DAVID: Probably not more times than we sabotaged ourselves.
MADDIE: Missed chances, squandered opportunities.
DAVID: Why?
MADDIE: Why?
DAVID: Is there something wrong with us? Why couldn't we be honest with each other? Why can't we be honest with each other? What are we afraid of?
MADDIE: Who knows? Maybe we will never know.
DAVID: Maddie, that's what I meant about this being our last conversation. I can't keep this up. And as much as I would be miserable without you, right now I am miserable with you. There's got to be a better way. I think I've got to leave.
MADDIE: It can't be better if you go. We need to try…something.
DAVID: Maddie, I've tried. Since Sam, since Chicago, since Walter, since the baby – I've tried at least a hundred times.
Maddie has nothing to say.
DAVID: Don't get me wrong – none of those things are important – water over the damned dam.
MADDIE: Except the baby.
David shakes his head at himself.
DAVID: Of course, except the baby. In four and a half years of mistakes, the way we handled ourselves then is the absolute worst mistake ever. You needed me, and I wasn't there.
MADDIE: You needed me, and I wouldn't let you in.
DAVID: Regrets….I've had a few…We should have gotten stronger together, instead we each got more alone.
Maddie's eyes are brimming. She swipes her hand across her face, whisking the tears away as if they were an affront.
David leans forward, and moves his hand towards the bars as if to comfort her. He seems to think better of his actions, and stops. Maddie takes a breath, and starts to speak shakily.
MADDIE: How come we can talk about it now?
DAVID: I think there is something about the ends of things…when you feel like you've got nothing to lose.
MADDIE: Then, I've got to ask…why the thing with Annie?
DAVID: Stupid, regrettable. Never should have happened. But you made me mad, and I think I wanted to try and make you hurt.
MADDIE: But why?
DAVID: Remember the night when Annie came into town and we all went dancing? It felt good, dancing with you again, even laughing a little. On the dance floor, you in my arms…it felt like a good moment to try again. I asked if we could make a point of dancing more often, and you brushed it off.
MADDIE: Banter, David. It's what we do.
DAVID: And then you said we should be proud of ourselves….for surviving our past…..like it was the plague…or the Hundred Years War instead of remembering what amazing things we shared.
MADDIE: Maybe I thought those went without saying.
DAVID: Maybe they shouldn't. So, I tried again. I asked if you were happy…you said yes. I guess I got mad 'cause I couldn't understand how you could be.
MADDIE: I didn't say I was happy – I said at least I wasn't sad.
DAVID: I guess I had stopped listening after I heard the first part.
MADDIE: Well, those are two very different things.
DAVID: They sure are. Another miscommunication in a long list.
He looks at her seriously
DAVID: Do you really want to hear more about Annie and I?
MADDIE: No, but I think I need to.
DAVID: I guess, to boil it all down, Annie was rolling the dice, and I was convinced I had already lost.
MADDIE: Go on.
DAVID: Annie was spoiled and bored, and looking for a little fun. I've got to admit, it was a little bit freeing, being with a woman and not having my stomach tied in knots all the time. But all the time we were together, all the things we did, I kept imagining how much better it would be doing things with you, sharing time with you.
MADDIE: I'm not sure that makes me feel any better.
DAVID: You know what didn't make me feel any better? That sordid little scene in my apartment, when you came to try and talk to me, and Annie walked in.
MADDIE: Get out of my bed?
DAVID: Nice, huh? Damn, my guilt had guilt. I was leading Annie on, and I was bludgeoning you with it to try and make you wake up…maybe make you jealous. Nothing was working. You said that night, I was doing it all because I was mad at you…..boy, did you nail that!
He looks down and sighs.
DAVID: Then you got attacked in the garage. I know what I did then stunk. I wanted to run to you and make sure you were okay…safe. But I stayed away….abandoned you.
MADDIE: That's not entirely true. You were there when you thought Detective Donnegan was the bad guy.
DAVID: Not the way I should have been. Not the way I wanted to be.
He continues on.
DAVID: The night after your house was wrecked…..after you left me at the door. I almost came back in after you….but I didn't think that was what you would want…I knew you didn't want me.
MADDIE: Oh you did, did you?
He continues on.
DAVID: All the rest was just so much garbage. Annie's husband coming to town was a wake up call. I needed to do something to take control of my life again. I didn't even recognize myself any more. I've gotta move on….stop screwing up other people's lives.
MADDIE: You don't always screw up other people's live. Sometimes you save them.
David senses a glimmer of hope.
DAVID: What are you saying? Can you get past this? Can we get past this? Forgive and forget?
MADDIE: With the litany of my past sins, how could I not forgive? But I don't think we should forget any of those things. Maybe file them in the "older and wiser" parts of our memories.
DAVID: You're a smart lady, Maddie Hayes.
MADDIE: If only I could stop tying certain people's stomachs up in knots.
DAVID: I'm thinking that is fixable.
She smiles, feeling a little more confident.
MADDIE: So you're not going anywhere, right?
DAVID: It's not enough that you don't want me to go, Maddie. You need to give me a reason to stay.
Maddie just looks at him, her heart in her eyes. She doesn't hesitate for an instant.
MADDIE: Will I love you do?
DAVID: I'm listening now.
MADDIE: I love you. I've always loved you. I loved you when I hated you. I love your stupid heart boxers…I love you scruffy faced, hung over and smelling bad… I tried not to love you….it's impossible! You are a force of nature, David Addison, and I can't imagine my life without you.
David smiles.
DAVID: You're not so bad yourself.
Finally, he reaches through the bars and grabs her hands.
DAVID: I love you. I've always loved you. I loved you when you hated me. I loved you when I hated you. I love you when you are shaking your finger in my face, and when you are running it down my thigh. You are a pain in my heart, and I can't imagine not being with you every day for the rest of my life.
They reach for each other, trying to maneuver their two eager mouths around the bars. But where there's a will, there's a way. They kiss…as sweetly as possible given the logistics.
They pull away, smile at each other, and entwine their fingers again.
DAVID: To be continued.
MADDIE: Over and over again.
David: Are you happy?
MADDIE: I am very happy. A little scared.
DAVID: Me too. We'll get better at this, I swear.
MADDIE: We already have.
There is a commotion at the door, and the Sergeant, together with the entire wedding party traipses into the small space outside the cells. Agnes, still in her wedding dress, rushes to the bars.
AGNES: Miss Hayes, Mr. Addison, are you two ok?
DAVID: A-OK.
MADDIE: Better than OK.
DAVID: Great.
MADDIE: Great great.
Agnes smiles. She knows something has changed and it completes her happiness.
Bert bustles over to the bars.
BERT: We have been trying to repair all the horrid things that happened this morning. You know, we never really got married. But it is going to be almost impossible to get…..
DAVID: Give it up, Bert. Move forward….marry the girl you love. Do it now, right here.
Almost on cue, the Sergeant and a black robed judge enter the room.
JUDGE: This what you wanted me to see, Sarge?
He looks over at Maddie and David, quietly sitting holding hands.
JUDGE: They're still alive…and they don't even look like they want to kill each other. You might as well let 'em go. Save the justice system some time.
Bert approaches the judge.
BERT: Your honor, I wonder if you might do us a small favor….
Cue Music:
There are no words. The music plays over all of the pictures…..the conversation between Bert and the judge, the group assembling around Bert and Agnes, the subsequent wedding ceremony, the vows, the exchanging of rings, the first kiss. Through it all, David and Maddie just sit where they are, holding hands, exchanging glances and smiles.
Marry me a little, love me just enough
Cry but not too often, play but not too rough
Keep a tender distance, so we'll both be free
That's the way that it should be, I'm ready, I'm ready.
Marry me a little, do it with a will
Make a few demands that I am able to fulfill
Want me more than others, not exclusively
That's the way it ought to be, I'm ready, I'm ready now.
You can be my best friend, I can be your right arm
We'll go through a fight or two, no harm, no harm
We'll look not too deep, we'll go not too far
We won't have to give up a thing, we'll stay who we are.
Right? Okay then, I'm ready, I'm ready now.
Marry me a little, love me just enough.
Warm and sweet and easy, just the simple stuff
Keep a tender distance, so we'll both be free
That's the way it ought to be, I'm ready, I'm ready now.
Marry me a little, body heart and soul
Passionate as hell but always in control
Want me first and foremost, keep me company
That's the way it ought to be, I'm ready, I'm ready now.
Oh how gently we'll talk, oh how softly we'll tread
All the stings, the ugly things we'll keep unsaid
We'll build a cocoon of love and respect
You promise what you like, I'll never collect.
Right? Okay then, I'm ready, I'm ready now
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready now.
The ceremony concludes with applause, confetti, and lots of hugs and kisses.
We hear David's voice.
DAVID: Hey, could somebody let us out of here?
The Sergeant opens each cell door and Maddie and David emerge into the group of guests. They join the throng congratulating Agnes and Bert, while remaining close.
Maddie and David step back for a moment, hand in hand. They share a long look, an unspoken question hanging in the air.
The judge walks towards the exit door, as we here a familiar voice raised above the noise of the crowd.
MADDIE: Your honor, I wonder if you might do us a small favor…
The entire crowd turns to look at David and Maddie, and we….
FREEZE FRAME
Music credits:
"Marry Me a Little" music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim
Author's note: This turned out far differently than I ever expected. I suspect Maddie and David themselves wrote the last few pages. I thank them.