I do not own the rights to Hellsing
Summary: What if Integra Hellsing consented to some of society's little conventions such as... say marriage... or children? Would there be any repercussions for such actions? A/U. Animeverse.
Rating: T
A/N: Reposting old stories from an old account.
Be not overcome with evil. Overcome evil with good.
Instead, I ignored the very teachings of my church, and persevered onwards only with an illusion of my own religion.
Honor thy father and thy mother.
Foolishly and unknowingly, have I turned my back on the warnings of my own father. There were reasons why all good Hellsings kept their 'pets' caged. Yet, I blindly ignored the man whom I loved and felt so much adulation for.
But, these attributes of honor that I have so ignorantly bestowed upon myself. They were only vain and empty accolades. My bravado, my arrogance, to heed the warnings of the very things which I had placed so high and above all else has ended me. Ended me here.
So, this is what it all meant. This is what they all meant.
Infidelity
Prologue:
The Conventionalism of Marriage
She had never been ordinary. She had always been placed above the normal pedestrian station of life. Her own duty, however, had brought her down upon the grim realism of compromising her wants to abide by the average expectations that someone of her social placement had to fulfill. She quickly found that she was not immune to these ever pressing expectations of finding a partner and securing her line. Marriage was a dismal prospect to her -- a prospect that she had evaded in her youth with the illusion that she had the rest of her life to find a permanent consort to help her bare a child. But once a "tragic" peace had befallen her organization, all eyes turned to her to find a suitable man in her social stratosphere to marry. It was unsaid, but she still could feel the burning of their eyes fall upon her to fulfill her duty. She only felt a tinge insulted by the implications that her youth was fading and it was time to "settle down". Despite the insinuations, however, she also found marriage apart of the most common goals bestowed upon people, and there was no love to be offered from her heart when her duty had called for a successor. Needless to say, she was not a hopeless romantic.
She went at the "challenge" in what would be called "a most unusual way," but then again she was a very unusual woman with the most unusual way of life and career.
Instead of looking for someone to fall madly, hopelessly, in love with to call her "husband", she secretly had her own way of going at the marriage market. And indeed, a market it was to her. She was, in layman terms, "shopping for a husband" -- using the world as a genetic bazaar. She had already, in all "common" respects, set the bar too high for those not already inducted into a Greek Pantheon with the title of "god" in regards to their social position. Perhaps, she knew her standards were too high, and knowingly did this to evade the exercise in conventionalism that she associated with marriage. Or, perhaps she truly felt worthy of such a man that could create a child with strong genes who could withstand the grueling task that was Hellsing. Either way, she held fast and steady to her beliefs of a "husband" suitable for Hellsing. To most, finding a mate to satisfy an organization seems odd at best, but bearing in mind what was at stake, she found it the most responsible way to handle the entirety of her "dilemma."
Integra had fancied herself "safe" when the whispers of her marrying had subsided. Leaving her with the freedom to procrastinate indefinitely. But, perhaps she should have taken the dying down of the provincial "gossip" as a warning, a signal, of what or who, rather, was to come. Stopping shortly of making a "list" of the dos and don'ts for her potential (hypothetical) suitor, she met him. There were no signs of love or severe adulation on her part when this man had taken the position held by his late father at the Convention of the Twelve. But, once she saw him, she instantly knew that evading the endeavor of marriage was all but over. They would be paired, if not by her, by the knights or the society that she felt so much abhorrence towards. Her cold stance towards him was her defying the "system", but he found it more of a challenge much to her disdain. His "agreeable" manner and nature and his "pleasant face" had been the terms she was given as she was forced into the marriage. Little did they know that she had more "colorful" descriptions in regards to her "knight in shining armor."
Integra in time found his company "tolerable enough" to make the institution of marriage less of an asylum. She had not expected, however, a certain backlash that came with the arrival of the imminent nuptials. The "infamous" No- life-King took an exception to her choice of marriage. Upon facing the conversation that would end up destroying her relationship with her "star agent" she had admitted during their last "traditional" conversation, that she had grown up, and choosing her duty over all else she turned her back on her most respected employee -- a choice that would change her life forever. Although, his motives of deterring her from marriage where never in question – by her that is.
After the bride and groom had received the golden bonds of marriage, the subject was never revisited by her employee. Their relationship had been broken save for the lingering tie that would be ultimately manipulated and distorted beyond resolve or recognition. The latter would be devised when Integra made the "untimely" decision to bear a child and bring it to term. By this time she had been freed of her marriage. The parting of her late husband had brought her no tears or emotional empathy at her new deprivation. Her husband had left her world like he had entered, abruptly. She had achieved her goals of having a successor, and now there was no question that the name "Hellsing" would go onwards. Other than being condemned to wear black while in mourning, she was unaffected by the recent passing of the man she had vowed to "love, honor and obey."
There was, however, a slight change in the impenetrable force that was Integral, for she was now a mother. And, while most brashly questioned, with venom, her maternal instinct, they quickly found that while she stood with a resolution of steel upon the death of her husband, she was deeply affected by her child. Integra took motherhood like she took any challenge. She would make sure her child was not only protected, but was given the capabilities of protecting itself. She was the one that would instill the rigid beliefs that came with being a Hellsing. Upon realizing there was no merit in the previous accusations of her inadequacies as a mother, the tide quickly changed to accusations that Integra had grown too soft and placed the stronghold of Hellsing in jeopardy. She was "incapable" of running the organization like her forefathers. The reason? She was a woman plagued now with the inabilities of functioning properly with a woman's "often times eccentric reasoning." In other words, she had "willingly" decided to take part in the "usual" manner of being a woman by giving birth. Knowingly she was forced to separate herself even more from the male Knighthood. Although, when it all came down to it, the nay-sayers were not saying anything new about her abilities as a leader. Barren or with a houseful of children she was still a woman. Blame it all on Eve, but you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Powerful men always like to watch a powerful woman, especially one who has the nerve to challenge them, squirm under pressure, and especially if she falters. But, much to her servant's chagrin, the exaggerations of her reported "softness" did not distance Integra from the child.
But, if truth be told, the "public" opinion of Ms. Hellsing more than inflated her "soft motherly nature." She was by far not in contention for any "Mother of the Year" award. She did care about her child, but that did not stop her from continuing on in a manner she was most accustomed to, and hiring a nanny to be busy with the child when she was working.
Walter was only marginally surprised at how Integra received her responsibility in regards to motherhood. He by far knew that she was out of her element when it came to childrearing. He had been the one to refer a nanny to be appointed in service to Ms Hellsing, but Integra did have a natural affinity towards her baby despite her lack of experience around children.