Summer is coming to a close and I am destined to soon head back to Hogwarts for another term. I look forward to this time every year as it means I will soon get to see all my friends and revel in the nearly endless expanse of space that the castle affords. It isn't that I don't love the burrow, I grew up here of course I love it, but every year as the family grows more and more and we try to fit an ever expanding amount of people into our home I start to feel like the walls are caving in on me. Hogwarts is a maze of empty classrooms and deserted corridors where I can go to be absolutely alone.

At Hogwarts I don't have to worry about caring for Bill and Fleur's children whenever the fancy strikes them to have some alone time, which feels like it is every day for hours on end. I don't have to pretend to like whatever new girl Charlie has brought home from Romania only to be replaced a week later. I don't have to listen to Percy natter on constantly about random drivel that nobody cares about. At Hogwarts it is just me and my thoughts. With a little bit of extras thrown in to make things interesting and fun

To be truthful I don't just look forward to going back to school so that I can have privacy and time alone. I am also looking forward to going back so that I can have privacy and time spent with one devastatingly sexy Slytherin. Nobody knows about our little affair, if anybody did find out I am sure I would be branded a traitor by the entirety of my family and friends. But that is nothing compared to what his father would do to him, or his father's boss for that matter.

We got together midway through my fourth year and have been in a very intense relationship ever since. Fourth year started out the same as it would normally, I went about my day desperately hoping for Harry to notice me or for him, Ron, and Hermione to include me in whatever scheme they were cooking up, that year I got lucky and they did let me in, well they let everyone else in too but that is beside the point. I joined Dumbledore's Army and I knew that it was only a matter of time before Harry would really start to notice me and we would finally be together.

Harry apparently had other plans though, he was clearly smitten with Cho Chang and even though she was clearly not over Cedric and his death she allowed him to court her. From then on Harry paid no attention to any other girl in school, it was like Cho was the be all end all for him. Naturally I was hurt and I was willing to take it out on anyone I could, after many violent rows with Ron I took my rage to the corridors and the first person I managed to stumble upon was Draco Malfoy.

The fight we had that day was epic, and I found that I enjoyed it quite a lot, so much so that I began to seek him out just so I could release a little of my pent up energy. I didn't realize until much later that the exchanges we were having on such a regular basis were a really electrically charged form of foreplay, and once we gave into our baser instincts I wondered why I hadn't been doing it all along. Draco was more manly and virile than Harry could ever be and I quickly found myself falling in love with him.

I can admit freely now that I am very much in love with him but I know that he doesn't feel the same way. He cares for me I am sure, but loving someone involves trusting them more than you trust anyone else and knowing that they would rather die than hurt you. Draco isn't there yet and thanks to the bang up job his parents did I don't think that he ever will be. Even though I know that Draco will never love me as I love him, even knowing that we will never get to spend the rest of our lives together I don't waiver in my feelings. When I am with him I feel whole, like nothing and no one can bring me down. I will cherish every moment I have with him now and think fondly of him in the future when all I have left of him are my memories.

School begins again tomorrow and I can barely contain the excitement that is bubbling up inside of me as I haven't heard from Draco all summer, which is very unlike him. Normally his very regal owl Hesperidia will slip into my room a couple times a week with little missives from him, Promises of the things he is going to do to me the next time we see each other. This summer however, I have not seen her once and the worry is starting to make it hard to breathe. The possibilities for why he has not written to me are swimming around in my head so fast and furiously that if I concentrate too hard on them I start to feel dizzy.

There is a knock at my door as I am putting the last of my clothes into my trunk. I am nearly ready to leave; the truth though is that I didn't even really bother unpacking this summer. The preparations I am doing now are little more than busy work to keep my mind from wandering to unwanted places. Just as I am about to call out for whomever is on the other side of the door to come in Hermione pokes her head into the now open space in the doorway.

"Ginny, can I come in?"

I haven't really spent much time with Hermione since she arrived last week and I think it hurts her feelings that I am no longer attached to the group trying desperately to become the fourth member. I know that Hermione enjoyed having me around, she liked that there was another girl to balance out the stupidity of my brother and Harry.

"Sure."

When she walks further into my room she looks really unsure of herself, if I didn't know better I would say that she is nervous but that would just be stupid. Hermione is never nervous, especially when it comes to talking to me.

"Ginny are you ok? You have been really quiet the last couple of days."

"I'm fine 'Mione, I just have a lot on my mind right now, I haven't been feeling up to being the social butterfly that everyone knows and loves."

Just saying the word love makes by heart beat faster and feel like it is breaking all at one time. It is hard not to let my mind drift to Draco again. Is he hurt? Is he just really busy? Why doesn't he write? Is he sick of me? Has he met someone new? Is it over? I know I'm frowning but before I have the chance to shake it off and go back to neutral Hermione has seen.

"You know whatever it is you can tell me. I'm your friend and I will always be here to lend an ear when you need it."

She has no idea just how much I really do want to tell her what is going on with me but I can't. Hermione is my only female friend, well other than Draco she is actually one of my only friends. I have had nobody to share this information with and I would love desperately to tell her everything that has happened and who it has happened with. I would love to be able to share my concerns with her and use her as a sounding board. Maybe she would even have a better idea than I concerning my lack of communication from Draco. The only problem with telling her is that she would never understand, Draco has never been anything short of atrociously rude to her and no doubt she would see it as a betrayal of the highest sort to know that I was romantically involved with him.

"I appreciate that Hermione but the truth is that I am just over tired and anxious to get back to school." I stand and make my way to the door. "In fact I think I am going to go to bed now…"

I don't actually ask her to leave but she takes the hint well enough and with just a little blush makes her way out of my room. No doubt she is going to go and report on our conversation with Harry and Ron, or even my Mum, but I can't find the energy to care right now. True to what I told 'Mione I change into my pyjamas and crawl into bed. Tomorrow we go back to school. Tomorrow I will get to see Draco.

With so few of us to take to the train this year Mum and Dad were splendid and got us here with nearly an hour to spare. It wasn't so much that they did any better than they normally do it was more that the twins weren't here driving everyone crazy and slowing things down just for the fun of it. It was smooth sailing the whole way and by 10:15 I had hugged Mum and dad goodbye and was snuggled quite comfortably in a compartment at the end of the Red locomotive that would carry us back to school.

I haven't sat with my brother and his friends since the beginning of fourth year, after I took up with Draco whenever we were on the train we would come to this compartment and put a privacy charm on the door. Then, we would do very naughty things to each other. Somehow being intimate with each other is such a public place was a real turn on and we took full advantage of it.

I find that for the first time in a long time I am longing to be with Ron, Hermione, and Harry. They may spend most of their time ignoring me but at least with them I wouldn't feel as alone as I do right now. Draco and I chose this particular compartment because of its location; it is in the last car of the train far from where any of either of our friends sit. There is little chance of running into someone and inevitably having a fight break out. Sometimes I feel like we are Romeo and Juliet, only hopefully without the whole dying thing.

Fatigue washes over me as I watch the English countryside through my window with slightly blurry vision. I feel the sudden need to close my eyes and drift into dreamland and I know that has to do with the restless sleep I had last night. Through all of my musings over what is going on with Draco I could only figure one thing out. If he cared for me as I thought he did, he would have found a way to write to me no matter the circumstances. Once I had figured that out it was fairly obvious to me that whatever was going on between us is well and truly over. He is just too much of a coward to tell me, letting me instead figure it out for myself.

In my muddled dreams that can only come from lack of sleep and a less than comfortable seat on the train, I imagined Draco coming into the compartment and placing his favourite privacy charm on the door. A sleepy smile graced my lips. In my dreams my love had come to me and everything would be ok now. He must have had a reason for not writing, if he is coming to me now then it means something. It means he does care about me. I am ready to forgive him anything armed with this comforting knowledge.

I keep my eyes closed and concentrate with everything that I am to not come fully back to consciousness. I do not want to let go of this perfect image of Draco, he is perfectly silent and contemplative, I think he is truly beautiful when he gets like this. I remember that I have always secretly loved seeing him like this, with his guard wholly down but it always seemed wrong. The only times I would get to see Draco in this state of peace was when he would be plotting in his head the best way to hurt someone and make it really sting when he does.

My eyes snap open and I bolt into ramrod straight posture. Now I realize that it was no dream when he came in here, the person he is plotting against is me. A moment of confusion washes over me when I remember that he put the charm on the door. Brows furrowed I am about to ask him why but he must have sensed the question and answered before I could.

"I thought it best if we were not disturbed. Very much like every other time but with a far less happy ending." The deep baritone of his voice is the only sound in the room save for my short rapid breaths. I am trying as hard as I can to not cry in front of him, I have never done it before and I don't want to do it now.

I am not looking at him but I know he has that Malfoy sneer on his face; he used to get it all the time when I would say something he considered to be particularly repugnant. I want to smack him right now, more than I have ever wanted to hit anyone before in my life I want to hit him. I want to yell at him. I want to scream at him that I love him and if he ends it now he will regret it. But I can't trust my voice not to sound pathetic and weak so I stay quiet.

"You were fun Weasley, always know that no matter what was going on you were really fun." I look up thinking that maybe his plotting wasn't intended to hurt me but to see if he could find the least painful way to end things. Looking at him was a big mistake though, his eyes are cold and empty when they look at me, and the sneer is mocking me with its presence. "You were especially fun when I wanted to piss my dad off, or make Daphne jealous. You knew we were together right?"

I can feel my heart start to break under the pressure of his words. I had told him many times that I didn't like the way Daphne Greengrass looked at him, like she wanted to tie him to her bed and do dirty things to him. He always laughed it off and would smile seductively telling me that that was my job.

"We would get into a fight and that night I would make sure you were in my room in enough time for her to come around and hear you screaming my name. The devastation was a thing of beauty and the fact that I got to put her in her place and ruin you at the same time made it even sweeter. Father was of course very proud. Did you know that he taught me that position you like so much, the one that makes you scream like the dirty used slag you are? Do you know what he told me? He told me your mother had the same reaction when he used it on her. Did you know…"

He keeps going for what seems like hours but I can no longer listen. He used me like a rag and now he is just throwing me away. I was wrong before when I said he cared about me, when I thought that he may even grow to love me. The worst part of it is that even though he just broke my heart into a million pieces and I want nothing more than to run him through with a sword for treating me the way he has, I still love him. I still love him, but now I feel only blackness where my heart used to be. By the time that he has lifted the privacy charm on the door and walked out of the compartment my mind has completely shut down. I curl into a ball and dissolve into gut wrenching soundless sobs for my lost love and my lost hope.