A/N: I wanted to write a one-shot as a small break away from my very long, involved fan fic. Enjoy!
It was in the middle of a school day for the 5th year class and everyone was hunched over their books. Various students were gathered in the Great Hall, scattered between the House tables in silence as McGonagall strolled between them, monitoring them while they studied.
James Potter slipped inside quietly with an apologetic grin for being late. He tip-toed to the bench that held his best friends, who were looking bored as they scratched their quills on parchment as they looked up dates for Professor Binn's homework.
"Hey guys, come see what Snivelly 'left behind'." James whispered to them with a wink.
He sat down between Peter and Sirius and held up a skinny, leather-bound book between two of his crafty fingers. With an artful, showy twirl he slapped it on the table in front of him.
"Why would he leave it behind?" Peter marvelled.
"Don't be so thick Wormtail, Prongs obviously nicked it." Sirius told him. "Whatever 'it' is."
"Not sure." James said. "I saw him writing in it and he put it in his bag as soon as I spotted it, I think it's his diary."
Peter gasped with pleasure as James took a little mock-bow.
"James-" Sirius hissed out of the side of his mouth.
Professor McGonagall was pacing towards them with an expression that clearly indicated she would put up with no nonsense. James swiftly, but not too quickly to draw attention, hid the book under the table as she drew closer.
"This period is for homework only, not to socialize." McGonagall spoke sternly as the Marauders looked to her quizzingly.
"Professor, I'm done my homework." Peter piped up.
"Then use this time to study." McGonagall replied without a beat. "Your last Transfiguration essay was a disappointment, Mr. Pettigrew. I would suggest you start with chapter five."
Peter's face tinged pink as a group of Ravenclaws giggled from another table. It served as a worthy distraction while McGonagall moved on. Remus pulled out his Transfiguration textbook and put it in front of Peter.
"How could you fail that essay? I spent a week reviewing that chapter with you." Remus whispered to Peter.
"I wrote it in a hour- I didn't know the night before it was due it was a full moon." Peter said defensively.
"Gee, if only there was someone you could ask who would know that." Sirius said sarcastically.
"So what do you think?" James said revealing the book after McGonagall had gone a fair distance away from them. "Should we peak inside the memoirs of twisted, ugly git? What we read could drive us mad." He teased.
"Who knows what foul thoughts are scurrying around in that sick mind of his?" Sirius said.
"I want to know." Peter said. He leaned in sharply.
"Back up, Wormtail." James said pushing him away. "Stop crowding me."
James opened the book and began to thumb through some of the pages, it wasn't words he saw but pictures.
"Drawings?" James said, frowning.
"It's not Snape's diary." Remus said amusingly. "it's his sketchbook."
"He's got a hobby apart from being a prat?" Sirius said frowning. "He's into art?"
"Yeah, the dark arts." James snarled. "See?"
James had settled on showing them with a drawing of a large cracked skull that took up two pages.
"It's anatomy." Remus shrugged.
"It's a skull." Sirius said. "A screwed up one at that, obviously the skull of a dead bloke."
"It's a fantasy- he's constantly thinking about skulls- probably aching to get You-Know-Who's mark!" Peter said in an excited gasp.
"Probably!" James whispered.
"Prongs, even you have drawn a skull before. It does not mean you're going to join You-Know-Who's ranks." Remus said incredulously.
"Then how do you explain... this?" James said dramatically, flipping the page.
The next page was full of drawings of common foliage found on the Hogwarts grounds, along with various drawings of flowers crowding the page.
"Ooooh noooo." Remus gasped sarcastically, his eyes wide. "When will the Ministry stop his sinful hand?"
"Obviously he's drawing ingredients for a nasty potion." James offered up.
"Or he's a pansy himself." Sirius snickered.
"I don't see it." Remus said as he leaned back into his seat. He returned to reading from his History of Magic textbook and began marking up a piece of parchment. "You're all reaching. It's not impossible to believe there are parts of Snape that are actually normal."
Despite Remus's protest they all watched closely as James slowly flipped page after page. Some pages did hold notes on potions and other subjects, some were full of half-done illustrations of mundane things. It looked like Snape had even copied one of the paintings hanging outside the Great Hall. One page was a bunch of nicknames crossed out, only to have one clearly written with a circle around the words 'Half-blood Prince'.
"'Half-blood Prince'?" Peter read aloud. "That's probably something important, what do you think it's about?"
"Dunno, something boring." James said completely unconcerned while he turned the next page. "Hey…" James said looking down at the next illustration in shock. "doesn't that look like...me?"
It was a scribbly ink-drawing of a stag looking away from the viewer. Remus dropped his quill and counted the horns of the antlers, his fingers tapping each one.
"I think- yes." Remus said dumbfounded.
"You're Snape's muse!" Sirius roared with laughter.
"Mr. Black!" McGonagall chided him from afar. Her steady pace was quickening towards their table. By a miraculous stroke of luck she was interrupted by a Hufflepuff who sounded like he was struggling with his Transfiguration homework.
"Sorry Professor!" Sirius apologized over his shoulder. He was still grinning like a simpleton as he pulled the sketchbook away from James and turned several pages, each one flashing a new illustration of James-the-stag in different profiles.
"Merlin's beard, there's more!" Sirius proclaimed in an urgent whisper.
"Shhhhh!" James hissed at Sirius as he sniggered. McGonagall was listening to the Hufflepuff but had looked up to narrow her eyes at them in suspicion and annoyance.
Sirius was carefully ripping the illustrations of the stag out out of the book and passing them to Remus and Peter. Some of the drawings were more developed than others; most of the drawings where the stag was standing still had more details, but it was undeniable that Snape had spotted James several times and studied his form.
"The little oily freak is obsessed with you, look." Sirius said flashing James a drawing still in the book. "He even has a drawing of your arse." Sirius laughed, showing him the drawing of James' stag-form from the back. Peter laughed shrilly and grabbed the book out of Sirius' hands with glee.
"Put it away, will you?" James asked him. "Before McGonagall confiscates it."
"He's got a page of just your head." Peter giggled.
"I said put it away!" James snapped.
"...Wormtail thinks it's funny." Sirius said solemnly.
James silenced Peter with a single glare. Not wanting to face James' wrath, Peter closed the sketchbook and handed back to Sirius regretfully.
"How can you laugh? Snape drawing me a very bad thing." James said grimly.
"Lighten up mate," Sirius said quietly as he hid the book on his lap by covering it with his robes. "Snivellus doesn't know it's you- and who would? There's got to be hundreds of stags in the Forbidden Forest."
"But what if he does know? What if this is just evidence he's collecting against me?" James said worried.
He hated the idea of Snape investigating his animagus form. Not being able to roam the grounds would be the least pleasant thing that'd happen if word got out- most likely he'd be expelled from Hogwarts, maybe even spend time in Azkaban for being unregistered. He didn't put it past Snape to do everything in his power to get him thrown in wizard-prison.
"They're just drawings." Remus assured him. "If Snape really wanted to get you in trouble a photo be more incriminating. And even if he did think it was you, what does a sketchbook full of doodles prove?"
"All the same, he's not stupid, surely he's noticed he's drawing the same stag every month." James said.
"So we'll throw the drawings in the fire." Sirius shrugged. "Next full moon you can stay under the invisibility cloak until we get in the Forest and then transform- he'll never have a chance to draw your fluffy tail again."
"But he still might know." James whispered back.
"You're being paranoid." Sirius told him. "You're losing your nerve over nothing."
"Lately he's been following us closely and asking questions where Moony goes every month, right?" James said frustrated.
"Yes, but some of these weren't drawn on the day of the full moon-" Remus said putting a drawing on the table. "This one was done last month on the 3rd. It was the day of the first snowfall."
"Fantastic, so following me around whenever he sees me- whether he knows it's me or not!" James said in a harsh whisper.
"Okay, relax…" Sirius said softly. "What do you propose we do? Break his drawing-hand? Project images of stags in his darkest nightmares?"
James pursed his lips together in thought. How would he go about discouraging Snape from following around a stag? There was no obvious answer to that was coming to him.
"I don't know yet, but until we have a solid plan we can't risk any more transformations." James ordered.
"Merlin," Sirius sighed as he settled back into his chair. "I hate Snape."
James had spent all day wracking his brains to come up with an answer for his problem, but the more he thought the wilder his solutions became. They varied from getting Snape expelled to shipping Snape off to a different part of the country- none which seemed very possible.
They had retired to the Gryffindor dorm for the evening. James was staring into the fire, searching for answers.
"Maybe I should light him on fire." James thought tiredly.
"So, how do we get Snape to go from stag-lover to stag-hater?" Sirius asked joyfully, interrupting James's pity-party.
"From your tone I'm guessing that question was rhetorical?" James replied hopefully.
"Absolutely, my little horned friend." Sirius sang as he sank into the couch. Remus and Peter looked up from their chess game to join them. "First, you lure the slimeball into a beautiful, yet secluded, spot. Second, when he's let his guard down you strike a majestic pose that no aspiring dark-arts-nature-artist could resist."
"Go on." James said with a smile as Sirius paused, revelling in his cleverness.
"And last, as soon as the bugger sketches a few lines, you show him the wild animal you are and ram him!" Sirius yelled. He smacked his hands together loudly, simulating the impact Sirius was imagining. "He'll be so sore from his encounter he won't want to look at you again."
"Brilliant!" James laughed.
"No!" Remus said in horror.
"No?" James and Sirius said together.
"No- not brilliant!" Remus insisted. "Prongs, you're a stag, your body is built to defend yourself against other bucks. He's a fragile human, if you hit him too hard you could kill him!"
"I know," James said defensively. "I'll hit him medium-hard...not hard-hard."
"You think you can hit Snape hard enough to traumatize him but not so hard he isn't seriously hurt?" Remus said slowly.
Sirius and James looked at each other imploringly before nodding.
"It's a bad plan." Remus insisted. "Think about it, if he's really injured we'll have to take him to the infirmary. It's going to be difficult to explain how you found him in the middle of nowhere and It'll definitely cause him to be more suspicious of this stag."
"...Alright, I see your point." James said glumly.
"Whoa whoa whoa...wait a minute...I've got an idea." Sirius said gripping James' arm. "What if you practice? Then you'll know exactly how hard to hit him."
"That works! ...Right?" James said looking over at Remus.
"Well- maybe, yeah, it's better than not knowing but..." Remus said.
"But who's going to let a stag hit them hard to hurt them?" Peter asked.
"Why me?" Peter whined miserably.
"Because you have the most natural padding." Sirius said.
"Just say it." Peter huffed. "It's because I'm fat."
"Come on, stop being such a girl." Sirius barked.
Sirius stuffed a pillow in the front and the back of Peter's shirt before securing it all with a belt around his chest. Steam was pouring off of him as he worked, instead of plotting in the Gryffindor common room James insisted they relocate to the edge of the Forbidden Forest immediately. It was a cold day, the kind where you could see your hot breath, and they were just beginning to lose daylight.
Remus had busied himself by strapping James's Quidditch pads to Peter's elbows and shins.
"It's a good thing one of us is on the team." Sirius said as he knocked against the Quidditch pads with his fist. "Did you feel that?"
"Sort of." Peter sulked. He was being lead by Sirius into a small clearing and positioning him in a short pathway.
"Prongs is just going to give you a little tap at first and work his way up." Remus coached Peter. He was fiddling with the strap on the Quidditch helmet to make sure it wouldn't slip off. "He's going to start soft, so no worries."
"You can say 'no worries' because a stag isn't body-slamming you to the ground." Peter whined.
"For Merlin's sake, Wormtail, you're wearing half of Gryffindor's bedding!" Sirius huffed losing patience. "Prongs could jump on you with four hooves and he'd bounce off you! You'll be fine."
James-the-stag was getting restless and was starting to pace back and forth. Sirius whistled and gave James the signal.
"Good luck." Remus said shuffling away from Peter.
"Don't move from that spot or Prongs might accidently stab you with an antler, okay?" Sirius called to him.
"What!?" Peter squeaked in terror.
James bowed his head and pushed off the dirt in a determined trot as he headed toward a trembling Peter. Just as they were about to connect, the pillows, Peter's clothes, and the Quidditch gear dropped to the ground in a big heap.
"Peter!" Sirius barked. A rat scurried away from the pile and dove into a thicket of thorns. Sirius bent over the pile in frustration snatched the Quidditch helmet roughly. "Fine you scaredy-rat, I'll do it!"
"It was your idea." Remus reminded him with a smile.
"I know that- could you help me stuff these pillows up my shirt?" Sirius said holding one out to Remus.
"We can always think of another plan." Remus said with a smirk. He was tucking Sirius' shirt into his pants so that the back-pillow wouldn't slip out.
"And miss out on all this fun?" Sirius said loudly to the thicket. Remus shook his head and let out a long-suffering sigh.
James-the-stag had circled back and was looking around for Peter before giving Sirius a blank stare.
"Wormtail wimped-out." Sirius explained. "You'll be knocking me around instead."
A large breath pushed out of the stag's nose and the cold air made the smoky breath lift into the sky. Sirius peaked over his shoulder and watched briefly as Remus gathered Peter's clothes to drape on the thorn-thicket.
"Remember not to trod on me, mate." Sirius whispered to James nervously. "Just a firm push and come to a full-halt."
James went back to his original starting point and kicked the ground with one hoof.
"Alright!" Sirius called after checking his helmet was put on tightly. He took a deep breath. "I'm ready!"
James began again at a steady pace and Sirius held his breath. Holding his breath turned out to be a bad idea as James' head smacked right into his middle. The breath he was holding burst from him in a loud grunt and the force caused him to stumble to the ground.
"Padfoot, are you okay?" Remus called to Sirius' motionless form.
"See?" Sirius said after a long pause. He rolling on his stomach before pushing himself to his feet. "...that wasn't so bad."
"What do you think? Too hard?" Remus said brushing dirt off him.
"Not at all." Sirius said adjusting the strap on his helmet. "Prongs, I think you should do twice as hard as that last one!" he called to the stag.
"Snape's smaller than you, that could have been hard enough." Remus said.
Sirius wasn't listening, the knock must have given him a rush of adrenaline because he was leaning forward as if he was going to catch James in the middle of his second rush.
Peter was shivering as he pulled on his clothes. James had taken Sirius' suggestion to heart- his next ram was twice and hard and Sirius slid twice as far. Both Peter and Remus grimaced when Sirius was launched backward and smacked the ground hard enough to bounce once before rolling.
"Padfoot!" Remus said. He slid into the dirt as he dropped next to him.
"Did James knock him out?" Peter asked. He hobbled toward Sirius with one boot in his hand.
James had materialized back into his human form and rushed to pull Sirius to his feet.
"That was perfect." Sirius wheezed giving them all a crooked smile. "Just like that!"
"This isn't working." Sirius said. "Let's just leave him a new sketchbook. This one is fucked up anyway." Sirius said holding up the one with ripped-out pages.
Snape had spent most of his evening in the library doing homework. The original plan was to slip his sketchbook with his other books, but he hadn't moved an inch since he sat down at the table to study, and he was keeping too close a watch on Sirius and James for them to be inconspicuous.
"Or let's just put it in the lost-and-found and leave." Sirius said.
"We've ripped out half the pages, he'd know it was us who got a hold of it and know we know about his stag-obsession. If he finds it in his bag he'll probably assume one his fellow Slytherins did it in his dorm." James said.
Snape had left the library and they followed him at a distance until they saw him slip into the boy's second-floor lavatory.
"Now what?" Sirius asked. "We're wasting our time, he's not going to go anywhere and leave his bag behind for us."
"Alright." James said. He was doing some quick thinking. "Keep your wand holstered, if he thinks we're getting the jump on him we might not get a chance to slip him his sketchbook."
"Maybe we should do it during class?" Sirius suggested. "It'd be a lot easier."
"True, but we don't have another class with Slytherin until next week." James pointed out. "We've done things harder than this, all we need is a distraction."
"Got it." Sirius said hiding the book under his robes.
They approached the restroom door and James opened it with purpose.
Snape was peeing in the urinal and didn't look up until James cleared his throat. His head snapped toward the door and he had a panicked look as Sirius and James walked towards him.
"Calm down." James said with smirk. "We're not going to hex you while you're taking a leak. The toilet is neutral territory."
"Yeah, what do you think we are? Animals?" Sirius joked. James stepped on Sirius' foot as Snape's brow narrowed suspiciously. "Ow." Sirius hissed softly.
James covertly pointed to Snape's bag which was lying at his feet. Sirius nodded to indicate he understood the gesture to put Snape's sketchbook in his bag.
Snape hadn't said anything but had stopped urinating. James sauntered up to the urinal directly next to him.
"Having trouble?" James laughed at him.
"It's hard with you standing there-" Snape growled.
"It's 'hard' with you standing there? Did Snape just admit he got a boner over you, James?" Sirius barked.
"No!" Snape roared angrily.
"But that's what you said!" James said looking sick. He jumped away from the urinal and shot Snape a disgusted look.
"That's not what I meant and you know it-" Snape said through clenched teeth.
"Gross!" James interrupted Snape with a grimace.
Snape was preoccupied with his buttoning the fly of his pants while muttering curses. Sirius was careful not to be spotted as he knelt behind Snape and unzipped his bag. Sirius' cautiousness was making him a lot slower than James liked, and unless the distraction kept going Sirius was sure to be caught.
"You're both acting stupid on purpose, twisting my words to mean something lewd!" Snape accused them when he finally had his pants adjusted.
"You want to see me nude!?" James shouted loudly. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Snape!?"
"What!? You're revolting- I would never-" Snape stuttered in enraged disbelief.
Sirius risked being discovered as chuckle escaped him, but James could see he was on the tail end of their mission as he began zippering up Snape's bag.
"That's close enough Snape!" James said taking another step backward. "Keep your hands to yourself!"
"Let's get out of here before he starts humping your leg." Sirius said stepping to James' side quickly.
Snape had reached his tipping point and dug his hand into his robes pulling out his wand, his face now white with fury. James and Sirius bounded out the boy's lavatory unable to hold back their laughter. James yanked open the door with lightening speed reflexes gifted to a talented Seeker and Sirius shouted, "Wash your hands, Snivellus!" before turning the corner.
Snape ran after them cursing both of them out as they dodged and weaved. One of Snape's hexes whistled between them as they bolted down the hallway and jumped down the staircase and ran all the way to the Gryffindor common room.
"Did you see his face!?" Sirius burst out after he had caught his breath. "You're revolting- I would never-" he mocked in a high-pitched whine. "I bet my mother's best china you would, you freak."
"I know." James laughed. "He over-reacts to everything we say and do, he's so obsessed with us, the creep."
"I take it everything went swimmingly?" Remus said as he walked down the stairs from the boys dorm.
"Yes, we got the sketchbook back to Snape while he was in the middle of a snit." James said.
"I thought I was going to explode holding back my laughter, James had him in hysterics." Sirius barked.
"Why, what did you do to him?" Peter asked with a hungry look in his eye.
"We were dogging him, pretending he fancied James." Sirius said. "He was getting all flustered and snivelly, it was brilliant."
"You were brilliant, I never would have thought of implying he had a stiffy." James said. "Instant freak-out."
Remus and Peter shared a confused look between them as an awkward silence settled over the group.
"You had to be there." James shrugged.
The next day during lunch period the Maruarders had caught a lucky break. Snape had decided to skip the meal and instead wander out on the lawns.
"There's the oddball now." Sirius said pointing at Snape.
He was standing near the lake alone. A cluster of small birds hopped in the snow and was pecking the ground fervently as Snape periodically threw crumbs to the ground. As predicted, he was scribbling in his sketchbook and gripping it tightly so the ripped pages wouldn't slip out while he sketched.
"We'll get into position." Sirius said pointing to a clump of bushes near the Forbidden Forest. "Lure him there."
James nodded as the Marauders snuck away. He took cover behind a tree before transforming into a stag, then he trotted to a little hill a few yards away from Snape and reared on his hind legs, striking an impressive stance.
But Snape hadn't noticed the stag trying to get his attention. A few birds began to fly away and he reached into his robe pocket to throw more crumbs for them to gather again.
James pawed at the snow and did a twirl in place, hoping that the movement would cause Snape to notice him. He was noticed, only it actually wasn't from Snape, but from a Gryffindor first year who was going out on a walk with her friend.
"Ooo!" A Gryffindor girl said pointing at James.
YES- 'ooo'- look up from your stupid birds to see what the girls are ogling at! James thought.
No dice. It seemed Snape was completely deaf and blind to anything that wasn't winged and eating crumbs. James lost patience, he wasn't going to waste his lunch period waiting for Snape to notice him.
Fuck your birds, Snape! James thought as he shambled through them. Snape's mouth dropped in astonishment as the panicked feathered creatures took flight.
Now that he had Snape's attention, James proceeded to frolick toward the Marauder's hiding spot in a slowed trot away from prying eyes. The plan seemed to be working, Snape abandoned his feeding spot and followed James into the reclusive clearing where two doe appeared from the Forest and were wandering around aimlessly.
Get the hell out of here you dumb girls! I need this scumbag all to myself and I can't have you mucking it up. James communicated as he shook his antlers at them. They scattered into the Forest quickly at his unfriendly signal. James spotted Sirius, Remus and Peter were kneeling behind a clump of bushes a few steps away watching the scene.
Snape was entranced as he watched James' ruthless disregard for the female deer. He then flipped an unmarked page in his book, the birds forgotten.
Showtime.
James lifted his head regally, pushing his chest out in what he hoped was a majestic pose.
"You!" Snape gasped, recognition dawning on his face. He dropped his sketchbook to his side and took a cautious step closer.
That slimeball must know it's me!" James thought with a squirm of dread.
"I've been hoping to see you again." Snape said, his voice wavering slightly in his excitement.
"Nevermind, he definitely doesn't know it's me." James thought with relief. "Oh well, get ready to feel nature's wrath, Snivellus!"
James was summoning up his nerve to head-rush Snape and felt his resolve die. Snape was smiling, and it wasn't the malicious, mocking smile he was so used to seeing from the furious, nasty boy but a rare, genuine smile.
"What the hell is he waiting for?" Sirius hissed from his bush.
"I don't know." Remus admitted.
"You're such a handsome beast." Snape whispered to him.
"No, don't say that…" James thought as guilt gripped him. "Don't say nice things to me..."
Instead of putting ink to paper, one of Snape's spidery hands slowly inched toward James' face.
Oh Merlin, what is he doing now? James thought with frustration. He puffed out a breath in warning but it didn't deter the hand the slightest.
James couldn't find the heart to move to action, so instead he stood awkwardly in the snow as Snape pet his muzzle in quiet adoration. James saw Sirius pound both his hands together with urgency in the same way he had done when he had explained his master plan.
Not wanting to disappoint Sirius, James steeled himself and lowered his head, ready to back up and ram Snape into the ground.
But Snape had misinterpreted the gesture and was getting more brave. Instead of being alarmed, he merely wrapped his hands around James' head and pulled him against his chest in a soft embrace.
"What the fuck is he doing!?" Sirius hissed aloud a vicious whisper.
Peter was watching him in awe as Remus smiled. James glanced at the patch of bushes nervously out of the corner of his eye. Sirius wasn't trying to hide himself anymore, instead he making wild gestures at James while looking scandalized.
James did a little half-hearted push, just hard enough to get Snape off-balanced and stumble to the ground before fleeing in the Forest.
"I can't believe I let you knock the stuffing out of me so you could have a cuddle with Snivellus." Sirius growled. It was a long, quiet walk back to the Gryffindor common room. James felt incredibly sheepish while Sirius moved his pawn in a reckless manner across the chessboard. "Maybe you should get a leash and follow him around to see if he'll adopt you."
"We've gone over this a million times- I didn't need to ram him because it wasn't worth the risk. We can all agree he doesn't know the stag is me." James said capturing Sirius's knight. "Can we move on with our lives now?"
"...I told you it was just a normal hobby." Remus said with a smile.
"Shut up, Moony." Sirius and James said throwing their chess pieces at him.