This wouldn't leave me alone. It's very different to my previous stuff so bear with me. Also, its late and I'm tired, so if my spelling is wrong, please forgive me!

Then.

Ruth stood looking over the dock her hands clasped together as she fought down the fear that kept threatening to swallow her whole. In her coat pocket she had false identity papers, passport and enough money to tide her over for at least a few months. Maybe six or seven if she lived frugally enough, courtesy of Zaf. He'd left her alone when the sun was rising, though the grey sky was so expansive and oppressive you could barely tell. Her hands were shaking, and even though the temperature was freezing, she knew that wasn't the reason. She was scared. She was leaving everything she had ever known, to live as a fugitive in a foreign country for the rest of her life. All for the good of her country, and to protect Harry from enemies within the service. So he could keep fighting the enemies of the state. And she knew it was the right decision, for him to keep going. She was replaceable, he was not. In the terms of their job anyway.

Ruth had a couple of hours to wait before the boat would arrive to take her from British shores for, quite possibly the rest of her life. She swallowed down the lump in her throat with difficulty at the thought. From an outside point of view she knew she could survive. She was intelligent and she had skills to cover her tracks which meant she wouldn't be left to be an outcast or a homeless beggar for the remainder of her days. But rational thought didn't take into account that she could be captured and imprisoned before being deported back to England, and a prison cell with her name on it. She had to push the terror aside, she knew that, and take it one step at a time, she couldn't plan every single move in Europe before she made it. She'd have to plan as she went along, stay in one place when it was safe and move on elsewhere when it wasn't. Attachments with other people were simply out of the question. She would be completely alone.

Pressing her palms to her eyes she tried to concentrate on Harry. She'd never see him again. It was a thought she'd avoided confronting so far. But sooner or later it was going to allow her to break down. She'd hoped she could keep it together until she was on the boat taking her to Calais. But if Harry arrived to see her before she stepped off of land, holding it together would not be an option. Just under an hour and a half now, she saw looking at her watch. She wasn't sure if she wanted Harry to show or not. Zaf and Adam had been told not to tell him, but if Harry wanted to know, she had no doubt that they'd cave in and tell him her location. Especially after he had to identify a strange body as hers. Adam had decided on that touch for authenticity and they had all agreed. But she knew it would be hard for him.

"Ruth." She sighed, knowing she'd recognise that voice anywhere in the world. That deep tone which reverberated and made her name sound so much fuller than when anyone else said it. Ruth looked at her hands for a moment before facing him, wondering when someone would next use her real name rather than Rosie Barber on her false American passport.

"I told them not to tell you where I was," Ruth said as she turned to face him. He didn't have a tie on and he had shadows under his eyes, probably mirroring her own from a sleepless night.

"I didn't care," Harry said. "I needed to see you one last time. Before you left. Where are you going to go?"

"Harry…" she said, shaking her head to indicate she had no idea. "I don't know. And even if I did, do you think it'd be wise to tell you? I'm leaving for my safety."

"You're right," he said. "As usual." She smiled at him sadly. "Promise me you'll take care."

"No, I planned to walk into a French police station the instant I set foot in Calais," she said sarcastically. Harry smiled at her. He gently put his hands on her waist and pulled her close to him.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," he said.

"I'm sure you'll mange," she said. Her coat was so thick that she shouldn't be able to feel his hands but she could. Their pressure and warmth anchoring her to the world in which she was soon going to be to tossed into. "Don't get shot."

He laughed quietly. "I promise. I want you to be happy Ruth. Wherever you are, whatever you do with your life, I do want you to be happy. Please remember that."

"I'm leaving the only man I've ever l… Sorry, that was thoughtless of me. Now that I'm leaving."

"Ruth, look at me," he said. He cupped her face with his palm, his thumb stroking her cold skin. "Whatever you say now, I love you. I should have said it years ago."

"Harry, you're going to make me cry," she said quietly. Sure enough there were tears glistening in her eyes. "I love you too," she said. "I always did. Ever since you were shot and I thought you might die."

He leaned in close and captured her lips with his. The kiss was soft and gentle and far too long in coming. They had more than an hour to say goodbye, but she didn't know how long Harry could stay here without raising suspicion. So she enjoyed their first and most likely last kiss. His hands had found their way inside her coat and he held her so delicately. She would never know what his touch felt like on other parts of her body. She'd missed out on so much and now she was out of time.

Their kiss was interrupted when she felt Harry's mobile phone vibrating in his pocket. "Go," she said a tear falling down her face. "I know you have to."

"As clichéd as it sounds, I'll never forget you," he said.

"You're right that is cliché," she said. She was smiling and crying at the same time. "Take care Harry."

"I will. Goodbye Ruth." He kissed her again and then his hands were gone. He was walking away and she let her tears fall. He was out of sight quickly and she cried, knowing she was never going to see him ever again. He was out of her life, and her heart already ached for him.

When she set foot on the boat that took her away from London, her home and Harry, her tears were frozen trails on her face and her heart sunk lower than she thought possible. She stared at England until it was out of sight as she felt her heart break with every passing moment. She'd come to see that life wasn't fair.

Now.

Ruth unbuckled her seatbelt as the light went off above her aeroplane seat. She never enjoyed take off on a flight, but now they were level and she had little to worry about. Except for the fact she was leaving America and heading back to London for the first time in twenty five years. She had no real fear that people would be looking for her after all this time had elapsed since the events that had happened in her MI5 career, but it frightened her all the same. She had avoided going back to the UK at every opportunity she'd gotten, few and far between though they were. It wasn't just for her she feared, it was for her now adult daughter. If they were found and Ruth put in prison, then her daughter would go into care. And she had to stop that from happening at all costs. The safest place for Claire had been with her mother, or so Ruth felt.

So when Claire had received a scholarship from Oxford University, Ruth had been terrified. But Claire had gone and settled in fine, studied and received a first class honours degree in business management. No one ever suspected she was anything other than what she claimed to be, an American foreign student. It hadn't stopped Ruth worrying. Claire often flew back to Connecticut, thinking that her mother was scared of flying, rather than scared of the country itself. This was the first time Ruth had dared get on a flight to London. And it was only because her sweet little girl (who wasn't so little any more) was getting married. Ruth would never be able to live with herself if she missed that. Even if she was convinced twenty three was too young for her to get married.

Ruth sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She had an eight hour flight to think about her life and the imagined fears that most likely would not be waiting for her in London. Sighing, she wondered where Harry was now.

Or even if he was still alive.

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