I stepped over the familiar threshold. It had been five years since I had, and a whirlwind of memories struck me head on. I glanced around nervously, and sniffed. Werewolf, but a lighter scent. Billy had been here.
Making my way into the living room, I examined everything. It was all in place, the same way I had left it. Except for the new lamp, the one Charlie has bought to replace the one he broke after I told him I was going to be married in a month. But that was to be expected.
What I found wasn't. I swallowed hard. Edward had warned me it would be difficult, but I didn't want him here. This was between me and Charlie.
Cautiously, I approached his favourite chair, the one he now sat in, on the verge of death. I heard the beats of his heart, as they grew slower, weaker. They surrounded me, suffocated me. I wanted to tear at my ears, make the sound of death go away. Make it leave, and never come back.
I leaned in, and pressed my cold lips to his neck. Could I do this? I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Once, twice, a third time. I opened them again, parting my lips slightly, before I noticed the picture in his hands.
It was a picture of him and my mom, both young and full of life. And love, I told myself. Don't forget that. I dove into Charlie's mind, wondering what he had been thinking before he… did it. I couldn't make myself think the words.
Emotion flooded me, and I struggled to set apart mine from his. Lonely, he was lonely, and confused. Why had Renee left him? What had he done wrong? He had been a good father, a good husband, right? Only then did I realize that these thoughts filled his mind every day. Why hadn't I seen it? I searched further. Bella won't come home, why?
At this, was it my pain I felt, or his? I couldn't separate them. I'll see you soon, dad, I thought. Then I can explain. Surprise rocked me. I had never called Charlie dad before- why now? Because he was about to die? No, I told myself. He won't die. He'll live.
But will he want to live?
I inhaled sharply. Would he want to live forever? He didn't want to live for years without Renee. Could he handle eternity without her? He was the adult here, could he not make his own decisions?
Then I realized that it wasn't my decision. I was selfish. I only wanted him for me- did he want to live? If he did, then why would he… take the pills? I forced the words into my mind, and they hammered back at me. This wouldn't be the last death I would have to deal with- would I turn everyone I loved into immortals, so that I wouldn't have to suffer? Could I be that person?
No, I realized sadly. I couldn't. I couldn't hurt the people I loved once, the people I love today. I wouldn't do that. Couldn't do that.
I couldn't make anyone else's decisions for them. I couldn't take away what they wanted to make myself happy. I couldn't make them live forever so that I wouldn't hurt. I couldn't make them chose this- to have to watch the people they loved die. I didn't want this for anyone else. And suddenly I understood. This was something I had to do. This made me stronger, watching the life fade from someone I love. It hurt, but it made me believe that if I hurt, then they wouldn't have to. And that last thought made me step back. That last thought soldered my feet to the ground, forced me to watch Charlie as his breathing slowed, and then stopped all together. Forced my ears to open and embrace the sound of his dying heartbeats. Forced me to kiss his cold cheek. It made me realize the true sacrifice of being the way I was. Made me realize that I had never looked ahead, had never thought that one day might come to this.
Had I known, would I still have chosen this life? I don't know.
But I do know this. I couldn't choose this for anyone else. I couldn't make anyone else's decisions for them. And as I stepped out that door for the last time, I wished I could cry. Not for me, to have this wrenching feeling satisfied, but for the loss of my dad.
Author's Notes: Well, hoped you liked it. Had this idea in my head for a while now. Please R&R.