Who wasn't paying any attention. For the past few vorns, being assigned to this base it had become rather routine. The commander would scream, Red Alert would nod, they'd separate, and he'd be the first one to be called up when something went wrong. And the cycle would repeat.
And Red Alert was content with letting it repeat, although he ground his teeth inwardly, he kept a smooth, professional face. At least, until the twins noticed.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker snickered as they nudged each other, laughing at some private joke they heard. Then, born upon the winds came the commanders voice. "Furthermore, you-"
The twins listened to the torrent of verbal abuse that was being poured on Red Alert, then grinned and nudged each other.
They flanked the commander, far enough behind that the commander couldn't see them, but Red Alert could clearly see them. They started pantomiming the commanders words, making huge exaggerated movements.
Red Alerts optics flickered towards them, and widened slightly. Then, as the tirade and the twins continued on, he focused more and more on the twins, trying to ignore the hateful words. The twins went to wilder and wilder motions, at one point, Sideswipe going down onto both knees to plead a haughty Sunstreaker as if it were a scene from a classical vid. Red Alerts lips twitched fractionally before he controlled them.
The commander noticed, and he scowled. "Are you listening to me?" The voice was harsh, making Red Alert nod instantly. "Oh really? Repeat what I just said."
Red Alerts CPU scrambled for a moment before he slowly repeated the mechs words. The twins scowled at that, and Sunstreaker muttered, "He's going to get pranked. Badly."
"But how. We need him gone so that way he can't talk to Red Alert."
They fell silent thinking, as the commander quickly picked up on his berating. This time Red Alert kept his optics trained ahead. "Cake."
"What, Sides-"
"Oil Cake. He loves it. The commander. And we have more then one way of getting into the kitchen."
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Red Alert sighed as he entered the security room, wondering why he was in the army. He knew it was the right thing to do, but at times like these…
Red Alert groaned as the commanders irate voice said, "Red Alert! The twins-"
"I'm coming." Red Alert said, getting back up, groaning slightly as his hydraulics hissed in protest. I wonder what the twins did now…
All thoughts stopped with a jarring halt as the door to the security room opened. In the few, precious moments that Red Alert had been in the room, the twins had come through, painting the wall with a bright red and yellow stripes, creating identical streaks down the hallway. Red Alert instantly spotted the miniature writing that Sunstreaker had hastily scrawled.
As a favor, can we be put into the kitchen?
Red Alert rocked back onto the heels of his feet, considering. If the twins were asking, that meant they were planning on doing a prank to end all pranks. And it was his duty to stop them… his optics picked up another hastily scribbled note. It's against the commander. No one else will get caught.
That settled it for Red Alert. He raised his voice magnificently to echo through the hallways. "Twins! You're going to be scrubbing dishes in the kitchen for the next few vorns!
The twins gave each other a high five.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The commander grumbled to himself as he walked into the kitchen. He really just wanted to have a nice small oil cake, and then get out. The cooks were ordered to make sure that their was always an oil cake ready to be eaten, and he often indulged in the cakes, although he knew it was bad for him. I suppose I should figure out someway to get rid of that disgusting glitch. As well as the twins.
The commander grumbled as he looked at the cold oil cake. They were always best when they were warm. However- his optics sidled over to the side where a warmer waited patiently for someone to use it.
Humming softly to himself he slid in the cake, not noticing the twins exchanged looks of horror. "Sides, that can't be heated, can it?"
"No. It can't. That fool is going to explode-"
BOOM! Cake and pieces of scrap flew around the commander, making him freeze in place, jaw hanging in surprise. Splat! Cake few into his wide, unfocused optics, making him howl in pain as they blinded the delicate sensors. Cursing, he scrubbed at them in a futile effort to clean them out as fluid poured from above, trying to wash the oil away.
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker exchanged looks. "Not quite what I was looking for, but it'll have to do."
"Twins, what was it supposed to do?" Red Alert asked from behind them.
The twins didn't even bother jumping. "It was embedded with a tiny microphone so that way we could send messages to him in the middle of the night, and it'll sound like from his own CPU."
"So you were going to try and make him think he was glitchy?"
"Yeah."
"Twins, I'll give you one more chance. Unfortunately my cameras in this area decided to go on the fritz because after all, I'm not getting the proper funding, and well-" Red Alert shrugged. "Consider it a creation day present brothers."
The twins turned at that. This was the first time Red Alert had ever called them that, and Red Alert looked the two in the optics, snapping, "This is a one time deal however. After this, you're both going to be doing a lot of cleaning."
"Aww, Red Alert! C'mon big brother! Just this once!"
"Yeah, we are doing it for you!" Sideswipe agreed.
Red Alert smirked slightly. "I'm already not turning you in."
"Aww, C'mon!" The twins begged, and all three stiffened when the commander roared in fury, hand crashing down on the nearby countertop.
"That does it! I'm going to turn those two into a pile of scrap!"
Red Alert stiffened, and motioned for the twins to follow him. "Slag, I didn't think that he'd get that mad." Sunstreaker said thoughtfully, thinking. "I say we graffiti him next time, and then embed the microphone so that way we can tell him that it was Wildblaster who did it."
"Not Wildblaster! Maybe Lightfoot, but not Wildblaster. Wildblaster has been in the throes of agony ever since his mate died."
"Really?"
"Happened a few vorns back, but he's still grieving, and you two shouldn't interrupt it." Red Alert said, optics scanning the area. "C'mon you two, you can hide in my room until the commander clams down enough that he won't kill you on sight."
"Pha, as if he could!"
""I have no wish to explain that you attacked the commander out of self defense and ended up offlining him. Now get in there and stay put!"
The twins were unceremoniously shoved into Red Alerts room. The door hissed close just as the commander turned the corner. "Red Alert!"
"Yessir!" Came back the crisp, clear reply.
"I want whoever implanted that device in my cake here now!"
"Sir, I'm afraid I have no idea on what you mean." Red Alert replied tonelessly.
The twins pressed their auditory units to the door, cranking up their volume to full blast as they strained to hear. With wild exclamations and loud swearing the commander told Red Alert what Red Alert already knew. "Very well sir, I'll get right on it." Red Alert said quietly.
For those who didn't know him, even for those who did they would've said that Red Alert would've yanked out the twins that moment, that's how serious he sounded. Tbut the commander stalked away, leaving Red Alert alone in the hallway. Red Alert walked away after a moments pause, and paged the twins. .:You know, he looks very… interesting covered in oil.:.
.:Thanks!:.
Silence, and then Red Alert linked with tem through a private channel. "It wasn't exactly a compliment."
"Why do you say that?"
"You realize that the oil had been turned another color, correct?"
"Really, what?"
"Orange."
Silence fell for a few moments, then, "HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!"
"You know, you weren't the only ones who thought about pranking the commander."
The twins paused, thinking for a moment. "Now way, you didn't-" Sideswipe said, optics huge.
Red Alert smirked as he said, "You know, Orange shows up very well on blue paint."
"You did! I never would've thought you had it in you."
"We're brothers, aren't we? I admit, it's a very underhanded way to get back, but very satisfying. Though I can't do it too much."
Red Alert sighed softly. "Don't worry Red, we'll do whatever pranks you want us to do if you can't do it yourself." Sunstreaker said, optics glinting in amusement. "How did you know that he was going to heat up the oil cake?"
"If you had thought about his habits, you would've realized that he has a habit of heating his oil cakes up, and I knew you already added the microphone, so I simply added the substance to turn the oil orange." Red Alert said calmly, opening the door to the security room.
The twins laughed, and Red Alert allowed himself to smile. It was hard to do so. Long years of being pushed down had made it hard to remember how to smile. But he had family to lean upon now.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker looked up as the door to their room opened, expecting that it would be someone who needed them. To their surprise, Red Alert slidled in, carefully watching the door slide shut behind him. With a sigh he sank down onto the ground in front of the door, trembling slightly. "Bro?"
Red Alert flinched slightly, looking up. "Nothing. Just tired." He muttered, rubbing his optics. "And I'm stuck beside Jazz, so the music-" Red Alert shuddered, and the twins looked at each other.
Something wasn't right here. Red wouldn't come into our room after we've spent so much time hiding our relationship from the Arks crew if it was just the music. "Red Alert-"
Red Alert said nothing, merely staring down at the floor. The twins exchanged looks. They had never seen Red Alert so unresponsive before. They both moved foreword, Sideswipe dragging Red Alert away from the door as Sunstreaker securely locked it, neither wanting anyone to stumble in on what was a family scene.
With no one knowing that they were brothers they might find themselves in a rather awkward position. And with a whole lot of explaining to do. "Red Alert, c'mon big brother, tell us what happened."
Red Alert sighed, optics far away. "He didn't mean it, I don't think."
"What, who?"
"Nothing."
Sunstreakers optics narrowed, as he and Sideswipe sat on either side of the miserable Red Alert. "What's the matter Red Alert, who said what?"
"Nothing, nothing, nothing." Red Alert said, repeating the word as if it could make all of his troubles go away. "It's nothing."
"I'm getting sick of nothing." Sunstreaker snarled.
"Calm down Sunny. Red Alert, you were just in a meeting with Prime-"
Red Alert flinched badly, hands pressing against his auditory receptors. The twins minds instantly clicked. "He insulted you, didn't he? About your glitch!"
"Twins, it wasn't really an insult!" Red Alert said, defending Prime. "And he didn't mean it! He was just quoting what others had said about me-"
Sunstreaker was already storming towards the door. "Sunstreaker!" Sunstreaker turned to look at Red Alerts pleading optics.
With a snarl of rage he stalked back to the smaller Lamborghini, glaring. "What exactly happened?"
"Well, we were in the meeting and I was telling Prime about what sort of security measure would be best, when we got sidetracked into rumors, and Prime told me what he and heard others saying about me."
"What sort of things?"
"The usual, like 'glitchy, stupid, couldn't shoot his own gun in case it malfunctioned on him-' Those sort of things. I've heard worse, like what that one commander told me. The one with the orange oil cake."
Red Alert paused, thinking. "It's just… I never thought I would hear such things again after coming aboard the Ark. Oh, I expected some complaining and moaning… but this? Twins, I know I'm glitchy, and I know that I'm paranoid. But I can't help it! They are out to get me!"
"Hey, Red Alert?"
"Yes?"
"Orange clashes with blue, correct?"
"Yes, but why are you-"
"Good. I figured out how you dyed the oil orange, and Prime likes his oil cake warm."
"Wait! Twins! Don't you dare-"
Sideswipe easily held back the squirming Red Alert as Sunstreaker walked out the door. "Sideswipe, tell him that Prime likes his cakes cold in the morning!" Red Alert cried.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Optimus Prime looked up as a cold oil cake was delivered to his office. "Umm, I thought I asked for a warm one-"
"Very sorry sir, but unfortunately all of the warm ones got swiped before we could stop it and given out to other members of the crew."
Prime laughed quietly as he stood up. "If they're enjoying it, then I can't blame them. I'll just go ahead and warm up the cake myself."
He slid in the platter, and let the machine start warming it up as Prowl entered at that moment. "Prime, I came in to talk about the energon crises-"
BOOM!
Orange pieces of oil cake flew like bullets at the two stunned Autobots.
"What-"
"I'll contact Red Alert." Came Prowls reply. "He should be able to access the cameras in order to find out who did this."
"As soon as you find the, send them to me." Prime said softly.
As Prowl left, Optimus Prime touched the splattered pieces of cake, lifting them up to reveal that they had stained the paint job beneath. It's been a long time since I've been pranked. Prime thought. It's also been a long time since I've looked at someone who, while they may not exactly trust me, they trust in the Autobot cause.
Prime could still remember Red Alerts wary, alert optics, always watching incase of an attack. But he was always like that, and not just around me Prime reasoned. I haven't seen him trust anyone yet.
Red Alert entered, carrying several destroyed cameras. "I'm sorry sir, but unfortunately we won't be finding out who did it any time soon. The cameras were destroyed."
Prime groaned, and headed for the washroom. "Fine, just Red Alert?"
"Yes sir?"
"Make sure this doesn't happen again."
Red Alert was silent for a moment, hands shifting on the broken camera as he said, "Yes sir. I will go the best of my ability that this will never happen again."
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"What do you mean we aren't getting off this time?"
"I told you it was an mistake on his part, and I shouldn't of gotten down about it!" Red Alert said, frustrated.
"You were the one who tipped us off about the cake."
Red Alert paused at that, and sighed. "Alright already! I give up! You two, dismissed." Without pausing to look, he turned and was about to leave the room, when he paused as the door was opening. "Twins, thank you."
It was quiet, nearly lost. But the twins heard it, and it was enough. "Anything for family."
SsSsSsSsSsSsSsSs
If they are family (like I like writing them as, theirs got to be those fluffy moments. Walla!