I just thought I'd tell you firstoff that I didn't organize this after writing it straight through (other than adding a bit), because I figured the ADD-ish garbage that comes out of my head would fit pretty well coming out of Willy's. So it's left as is, with only minimal proofreading. Also written in about half an hour in a sudden bolt of inspiration.

Dear Diary,

Today I found my first grey hair.

Don't get me wrong, I know mid-thirties isn't old. Unless of course, you're young, but back when I was a kid I thought twenty was old. I guess things change. I wonder if someday when I'm seventy I'll say that seventy isn't old. Like those old men who're like all icky and grey and wrinkly (ewww) but still say they're young. Or maybe they just say they feel young. I never really listen when they talk, do you? I mean, they talk so much about the good old days that really weren't that good.

But as I was looking at that heir I realized that, not-old or not, I'm running out of time to secure someone to inherit this factory. Don't couples usually have children around age thirty? I've even heard of forty, but here I am getting closer and closer to that dreaded year with nothing to show for it.

Girls have never been my specialty. Even when I was younger I wasn't good with them. And now it's even harder. I guess it doesn't help that so many people think I'm gay. I may have wondered for a while, but I think I can safely say that isn't true. I mean, sounding girly doesn't mean anything, right?? I swear, those guys in high school didn't know what they were talking about. Just because I couldn't catch a football doesn't mean I'm a 'pansy'… Besides, pansies are flowers, and I am most certainly not a flower. At all. Although flowers are pretty, and I'm pretty (right?), but that doesn't make me a flower.

But the fact still stands that you can't have kids, meaning an heir, without a girl. And I really need an heir. I don't think the Oompa-Loompas are capable of handling the factory. Certainly not the business stuff, the advertising… they might be able to make the candy though. But who would come up with new ideas? I can't have my factory just making the same things year after year! Needs change after all. People don't eat the same stuff they did years ago. Okay, some of it's the same, but if I sold the same stuff year after year people'd get bored. I'd sure get bored making the same stuff year after year.

Besides, prices change, too. There has to be someone to do the math (eww).

Anyway, I'll have to find someway to find an heir. I can't just pick anyone up off the street, can I?

Well, maybe I can observe kids running around in the park. But then wouldn't people think I was going to kidnap one of them? I mean, I remember always being told that people who hung out on park benches when they didn't have a kid there were weird. I don't want to be weird. Like that one guy that took a girl from the park home. He went to jail. Maybe he just wanted to show her something?

But so much for that idea. Um.

Oh, I know!

Maybe I can find a way to invite kids to my factory so I can observe them. I sure some of them want in. After all it's a candy factory, and who likes candy better than kids!

Well, me, but,

Still!

I'll have to start working on that, diary.

I'll write again later.

Yours foreverandeverandever,

Willybear

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