But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh, and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Coldplay – The Scientist
My eyes were closed, peacefully, almost as if I was sleeping. His lips kissed down my neck, stopping to place a soft flutter against my shoulder. The hands that I love caressed down my side, stopping at my waist, pulling me closer against his center. I sighed into his neck, my hands coming up to cup the back of his head, holding him closer to me. I was lifted up, my back hitting the drywall behind me, his hands cupping my behind. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and kissed him wherever my lips could land. "Callie," he murmured. I froze, the spell broken. Opening my eyes I looked into his and sighed.
"Brandon…" I looked up at him, silently asking him to put me down. He complied. I walked around his living room, finding my shirt and jacket. I turned to look at him. "This only works if we don't speak." He sighed as I pulled my shirt over my head, fixing it on my hips. I stood fluffing my hair in his mirror, reapplying my lip gloss and then throwing my jean jacket on, before looking at him.
"I have to go." I whispered. He jumped into action, climbing over their white couches and grabbing my wrist. He pulled me towards him.
"Please, Callie. We can leave them. We can be together." Laughing, I wrenched my hand out of his and shoved my left hand in his face. He recoiled as if I had slapped him. Betrayal ringing in his cerulean eyes.
"He asked me to marry him last night, I said yes. Why do you think I came here today? To tell you that this couldn't happen again, but then I get within fifty feet of you and my body starts to hum, my legs gets weak." I let my words trail off as his hand came up to caress my cheek. I sighed, wiping under my eyes, laughing nervously. "I am only doing what you asked me to do when you came home from college with Zoe attached to you like a lapdog. You told me to move on, and I did."
He growled, deep in his throat. "I didn't mean for you to move on with him!" He spoke slowly, breathing each word out with such venom. "I could handle anybody but him Callie." He placed his hands on either side of my head, bowing his to look down at me. My chest was heaving and my eyes flitted up to him.
"I couldn't handle you being with anybody, you will have to deal with Wyatt." Ducking under his arm I walked to the front door, sighing before turning the knob.
"I love you, Callie." He said. I nodded.
"I love what you've done with the place; it hardly looks like I used to live here Brandon. Give Zoe my regards." I pulled the door open slowly, almost begging him to come after me. He stood, feet rooted to the spot where I had cut him with my words. I let the door slam behind me, all but running to my car. Sliding behind the wheel and sighing heavily. I sped away before the tears started running down my face.
The sun glinted off of the ring on my finger, glaring down at it, and then glaring at the man standing in the middle of the street with his hands on his head in my rearview. Life gets messy when you love two men.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
Carrie Underwood – Lessons Learned.
His arm was situated around my waist, there was a glass of champagne in my hand, and I was sipping it slowly. The nude heels I was wearing pinched my toes, and the talk of business finance was boring me to a dull migraine. I smiled, bringing the flute to my lips and taking a sip of the bubbly. I could feel his eyes on me from across the room. Scanning the area until I found her bright blonde hair, yellow dress, and silver glittery heels, making me cringe to think he let her out the house looking like a seventeen year old heading to prom. I turned my head to Wyatt, kissing him on the cheek, and giving my excuses. I made my way over to Stef, Lena, and Jude.
"Hey guys!" I said, doling out hugs and kisses. "I'm so glad you could make it! Where's Mari and Jesus?"
"They had to pick up Lexi and Steven. They should be here soon." I nodded.
"The hall looks great Callie!" Lena exclaimed, grabbing some champagne for her and Stef. "I can't believe both of my oldest are engaged!" I grinned at her, before looping my arm through Jude's. He had shot up when he turned fourteen, he towered over me at 5 foot 11.
"It seems like a lifetime ago that I sat in your kitchen with a black eye, huh?" Stef nodded her head, laughing aloud.
"I will never forget that day-" "Callie! Hey Callie!" Stef was cut off mid sentence, and I froze. Her voice already cutting through me. I exhaled loudly, before plastering a grin on my face and turning to face her. She kissed both of my cheeks, before nodding her approval at my outfit.
"I love the navy blue lace dress! I was going to wear something similar but this dress just called out to me! This engagement party is amazing, I was just telling Brandon that I want to have one just like it." I nodded my head. The pain of her words ripping through me. Tipping the champagne flute all the way up and finishing my drink. I grabbed another from the passing waiter. She continued droning on about some nonsense, "Oh, and we would love to have you and Wyatt over for dinner this week." That caught my attention.
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, not even bothering to pretend that I had been paying attention to her. My eyes were focused across the room on the tall brunette who had just engaged in a conversation with my fiancé. "That sounds good, Zoe, call my assistant and set it up. I'm sure we could set up some kind of shoot." Jude snickered behind me, and Lena sputter a little.
"Excuse me?" I asked, before handing my glass to Jude, and making my way over to Wyatt, and him. My heart rate quickened, just knowing he was near. I was intercepted halfway between Zoe, the teenaged model, and Brandon. Jesus pulled me into a tight embrace, kissing my cheek. I laughed as his breath tickled my neck.
"Somebody is finally making an honest woman out of you!" He exclaimed, I smiled at him and nodded while flashing my ring to Lexi and Marianna.
"You know, for someone who is twenty-five and married with baby number three on the way, I wouldn't be talking mister." He laughed, the gut busting, belly aching laugh that he had always had, and pulled me in for another hug.
"Hey man! Where is that crazy fiancé of yours?" Jesus asked, looking behind me to who I could only guess was Brandon. My body was on fire when he placed his hand on my lower back and lowered his lips to my cheek. I looked towards the bar and spoke.
"I spy an open bar with a whore attached to it. She better not get drunk and vomit like she did at my last party." I looked into Brandon's eyes, conveying every ounce of hurt.
"You don't have to call her a whore." He said, I laughed and looked over at her again. She was laughing and leaning into Wyatt's boss.
"She doesn't have to act like one." And for the second time in as many months, I walked away from him and to Wyatt. I kissed his lips and burrowed myself into his side. My eyes never left Brandon as he walked across the room to the bar, obviously displease by his fiancé's actions.
I ended the night in the same position I started it in: with my feet aching, a glass of champagne, and a migraine.
Because when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Katy Perry – Thinking of You
I groaned as I came out of yet another dressing room with yet another ball gown encasing my body.
"I don't think this is working." I yelled out to Lena, Stef, and Mari. "These are not what I was thinking of when I said let's go dress shopping." I looked down at myself. There was tulle, and tulle, and more tulle. Sparkles, and lace, and the dress just looked like it threw up all over itself. I turned to look at them and they each laughed in turn.
"Can I take it off now?" I pleaded. Mari shook her head vigorously.
"God, please, take it off. Burn it!" she yelled after me. I came out of the dressing room in the robe they provided for me, and scanned the racks. I could vaguely hear Stef speaking to someone on the phone. I moved closer to listen.
"No B, do not send her down here. We are picking out Callie's dress—" Stef huffed. "Brandon, she is vapid and self centered— fine, but if she upsets Callie, I won't hesitate to tell her off."
I turned back to the rack of dresses, scanning each one for something a little less bridal. I didn't feel like a bride, I didn't want to be his bride. I walked back to the girls.
"I'm going to call it a day. I have some developing I need to get done. Can we pick this up next Saturday?" I didn't wait for an answer.
She was entering the shop as I was leaving.
I don't know if it was memory that lead me to their apartment, or if it was the need to be near him when nobody could see us. But I do know that I stood on his doorstep for five minutes with my hand raised, poised to knock. And when I did, the door opened almost instantly.
Looking into his eyes, five feet in front of me, felt like the world stopped spinning. It felt like it was just him and I. I pulled my jacket off as I crossed over the threshold, throwing myself into his arms. I slammed his body into the wall, kissing his lips so hard that our teeth knocked together. He lifted me effortlessly, wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling at the buttons on my shirt. Five long minutes later found us on the kitchen counter, near what I assumed was their dinner. He was still inside me, grinning like a mad man down at me. I looked up at him, smiling mischievously.
"I should go, before Zoe gets back." I said. He nodded and stepped back, pulling up his pants as he went. I fixed myself and walked to the door.
"Enjoy your dinner, B."
I sat later that night at Fleur, the new French restaurant that opened in downtown San Diego. Wyatt sat across from me, droning on about his day, drinking the two hundred bottle of wine he ordered with our pasta dinner. While in college Wyatt decided to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and become an economics major, which led to him becoming a partner at the family firm. Which in turn led to more money than he knew what to spend it on, I should have been happy, given how I was raised.
He was everything I should have wanted. He was stability, lovability, reliability. He was responsible, with a 9 to 9 job that he was willing to cut back to 9 to 5 if I agreed to give him children. We were building the type of home that I only wished for when I was a foster child. Like I said he was everything I should have wanted.
Later that night, in our king sized bed, with Wyatt on top of me, or me on top of him. Completely naked, and giving him what I felt I had to, to keep this charade going I could only think of him. As Wyatt whispered to me how much he loved me, and how good I made him feel. I imagined he was Brandon, and we were in our old full sized bed, making love until the early morning.
I was constantly thinking of Brandon, the one thing I couldn't have. I sighed and turned my focus back to Wyatt, hoping for this to be over with so that I could shower and take my birth control.
And once Wyatt's snores could be heard from the bathroom I dialed that familiar number, and he answered on the third ring, much like every night. I could hear him say to Zoe, that it was just Jesus, like every night, before he left her in their bedroom, the same one I used to fuck him in. I started to cry and he quietly talked to me through the receiver.
"You're all that I think about." I whispered to him harshly.
"I love you." He whispered to me. I sniffled, and moaned into the phone.
"I love you, too."