It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming…on days like these, kids like you…
SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL
When Frisk sees the sun again they expect to feel happy. They're finally back where they were meant to be, on the surface with other humans. After traveling through the Underground and battling all those monsters they deserve to be happy, feeling the fresh air wafting on their face (cool, so unlike the air from the vents in Hotland)…birds singing (the high pitched tweets reminds them too much of Shyren's song)…the sun setting on the horizon (the color red stands out to them; not many monsters bled, but there was one that did)…Frisk should be ecstatic that they made it out alive.
But they aren't.
Instead, the only thing Frisk can feel is a deep unsettling sickness that sits hard like a rock in their chest.
I was only defending myself. Frisk tries to shake off the pain but it doesn't work. They attacked me first. I just wanted to go home.
Almost none of that was true, and Frisk almost cried with the painful lie. Technically they had been attacked first, Flowey didn't even let Frisk shake off their confusion at falling through a hole in the mountain before hitting them with those 'friendliness pellets.' But then Toriel- Frisk cringed and closed their eyes as tears began to gather- Toriel saved them from Flowey. Toriel had been kind and protected Frisk. Taken Frisk into her home and given them pie. Toriel was almost like the mother Frisk never had.
No.
Toriel had seemed kind, but it was all a lie. Frisk needed to remember that. She tried to keep them there forever. Frisk would have been stuck living in the ruins their entire life, living in fear of being found out and killed by the then mysterious and threatening figure of Asgore.
(In reality Asgore wasn't the strongest opponent Frisk would face during their time in the underground. It was painfully sad how easily he had went down. Despite Frisk's best attempts to shut it down, the niggling doubt in Frisk's mind thought too easy. Maybe he didn't really want to kill me after all.)
Frisk just wanted to explore. They didn't want to leave Toriel forever, but they didn't want to be stuck in the ruins either. The idea of being forced to stay in one place forever, even with Toriel, brought back bad memories of Frisk being taken away from their first home and put into that other house-the foster home- with all the other kids with a sad look in their eyes.
(Toriel actually reminded Frisk of Ms. Smith who ran the foster home. Kind, but always looking at children like something bad was going to happen to them. It was scary because Frisk hadn't understood why either of them looked at Frisk that way. Not until later at least.)
Toriel's death wasn't my fault. But it was. Frisk had been terrified at Toriel's blank faced attacks as she tried to drive Frisk away from the door to the rest of the Underground. The knee-jerk reaction to fight back came from all the fights Frisk and the other kids at the house got into. Frisk just wanted to show Toriel they were strong enough to get through any challenges they would face.
Instead they killed her.
All that was left of Toriel was a pile of ash.
Was that where everything started to go wrong?
All Frisk wanted from that point on was to go home. Home? Where is it? The orphanage? Back to my parents who didn't want me anymore?
Not that Frisk really wanted their birth parents anymore either.
These thoughts hadn't plagued Frisk so much in the Underground as they battled their way through the mess of monsters awaiting them on the other side of the door. Dealing with the constant barrage of terrifying beasts trying to either kill them or take them to Asgore sufficiently consumed Frisk's mind.
Right. They were all monsters obsessed with trying to hurt me. I was just protecting myself. Frisk took a deep breath and began to moved carefully down the mountain, reasoning with themself as they walked.
They didn't get very far before they stopped and turned around, looking at the now almost invisible cave entrance (exit for them) to the Underground. Frisk clenched the knife they found tighter in their hand.
There were still monsters in the Underground. Frisk fought those who tried to hurt them, but never went after the monsters who ran from them. The strange robot, Mettaton, mentioned something about a scientist named Alphys evacuating monsters. Mettaton almost seemed to spit the words at Frisk, as though it was their fault. Had it been? Did they become such a terrible threat that monsters began to run from them? Certainly as their journey went on Frisk noticed less and less monsters coming to attack them, but they hadn't thought it was because they were afraid of Frisk.
Who's the real monster?
Frisk gritted their teeth and turned around again, stomping angrily back down the mountain. It wasn't their fault. None of it had been their fault. They had only climbed the mountain in an attempt to get away from the other kids. Just because Frisk knew how to fight, didn't mean they enjoyed it. They knew never to let the bullies see how much they were hurting, but Frisk wasn't indestructible.
Ms. Smith always told them to be nice to each other. She never tolerated bullying, but she could only do so much. Frisk tried telling her what was happening at first, the cruelties the other children heaped upon them, but in the end things only became worse for Frisk when the other kids punishments lightened. They didn't like tattletales.
So Frisk climbed the mountain in a desperate attempt to just get away, even if it would only be for a little while. Their previous hiding place (a small clearing in the woods near the house) was discovered quickly and the desperate need for a new, safe place to let out their pain was sorely needed. They hadn't intended to stay on the mountain forever, just long enough to get some precious time alone (that didn't work out well at all). The bullies would never dare follow Frisk to Mount Ebott, Ms. Smith told them about the legends and disappearances surrounding the mysterious place and almost every single child at the foster home was terrified of the place.
Frisk stopped, panting with exhaustion. Mount Ebott wasn't a very large mountain, and Frisk hadn't made it up very far before falling through the hole, but that didn't mean a child could easily go up and down the mountain with little exertion. The trees were too thick for Frisk to see where they were going except for down.
The trees were so tall, with their branches splayed out around the tops. It was so different from the short, squat fir trees growing in Snowdin.
Frisk shivered. They didn't like thinking back their time spent in Snowdin where they met the two skeletons, sans and Papyrus. Papyrus…Papyrus had been weird. Frisk's stomach clenched when they thought about Papyrus ranting about his puzzles and claiming he would soon capture Frisk. He seemed almost sweet, if albeit a little stupid. He even seemed to care about Frisk, offering his scarf to them when he noticed Frisk was shivering in Snowdin's cold. Of course Frisk refused, but still, it touched them to see the concern on Papyrus's face.
If only he hadn't done the same thing Toriel did and refused to let Frisk move past him unless they did battle. Frisk couldn't believe they were so stupid enough to believe the skeleton was nice. Just like the rest of them, he only wanted to use Frisk's soul to open the barrier.
Once the bones started flying at Frisk, they didn't even think twice before cutting him down.
Why did I do that?
And then there was sans…Frisk really didn't want to think about sans at all. Frisk tried turning their mind back to their journey down Mount Ebott.
They were hoping they could make it back to the base of the mountain before dark, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. Already Frisk could see the brightest stars in the sky begin to shine against the sun's last dying rays. Ms. Smith told them once about how she used to own a telescope when she was little and loved looking at the stars.
"Of course you can't see the stars very well in the areas around the city. That's why I chose to live out a little farther, so I could see the stars every night, even without my telescope!" Ms. Smith said to Frisk.
Frisk agreed with her. The stars were an oddly comforting sight.
Unfortunately, Frisk's mind wandered back to their journey as they thought about the stars. They vaguely remembered there being a few telescopes scattered around the area of Waterfall. It seemed as though the monsters liked pretending the sparkling gems embedded in the cave walls were like the stars in the night sky. Honestly, in Frisk's opinion, there was no comparison. The gems had a hard glint to them which was, while pretty, nothing like the soft illuminating glow of real stars.
They're still trapped in there. Those left will never get to see these stars.
Frisk felt their soul break a little bit more (which they now knew from their fights in the Underground was an actual thing that could happen).
What did Frisk really gain from their battles in the Underground? Freedom? Freedom to go back to another prison, one that was just above ground?
Frisk sighed and finally sat down on the ground. They were too tired to move anymore. Their fears and doubts wore them down more than any amount of exercise could.
The monsters were still trapped. Frisk escaped, but at the cost of so many lives.
Frisk sniffled, and big fat tears began to roll down their face.
The bullies had been right. Frisk was just a waste of space. They weren't worth anything. Their freedom wasn't worth all those lives. Frisk should have just given up and let Asgore take their soul, allowing the rest of the monsters to be free. At least then their life would have been worth something.
The tears came faster and faster until Frisk was sobbing. The knife clattered to the ground as Frisk curled up and hugged themselves.
It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Frisk thought leaving the Underground would make them happy, but it didn't. Instead Frisk just felt a soul crushing sadness that wouldn't leave them. This feeling would probably never leave them. They were a murderer. sans was right.
Frisk's memories of that terrible fight flooded into their mind. sans did everything to prevent them from reaching Asgore.
"i can't afford not to care anymore kid." sans said to them. "being lazy is fun and all, but you've forced my hand."
Frisk remembered the searing pain of death occurring over and over again. The only other enemy who forced that upon them was Undyne, but she was never as bad as sans. At the very least Frisk could land a few hits on Undyne, forcing her back. sans never allowed that to happen.
But they came back, over and over even though Frisk eventually began to think dying for good might have been better. The will of determination had always been their strongest trait, even though others seemed to hate it about them.
(Frisk would always remember their father shouting at them "You're such a determined bastard!" when he came home reeking of alcohol and would throw them around. Frisk thought crying out would make it stop. It didn't. It only made their father angrier.)
So Frisk never truly died, and could only keep going after sans until they forgot how many times they fought him. When they finally landed the one hit on sans, they couldn't believe it. Frisk thought they would feel a rush of something when it happened, but only the gnawing numbness lingered within them.
With sans no longer standing in their way, Frisk marched on towards Asgore. But sans final words, called out from him lying on the floor, haunted Frisk.
"so that's it, huh? well, don't say i didn't warn ya kid." Frisk stopped, turned around, and listened to sans speak. They didn't know why they did it, and the skeleton, apparently surprised Frisk was bothering to listen to him, added "you know, you're the type of person who won't ever be happy."
Frisk stood there, stunned. sans watched them warily, and the only sound that could be heard was the steady drip drip of his blood hitting the floor.
Never let them see how much they hurt you.
Frisk turned away, moving quickly before sans could see the tears of misery clouding their gaze.
They were the same type of tears now dripping from Frisk's eyes.
If they could just do it all over again, they wouldn't fight. Frisk would let the monsters take what they needed. Maybe they could even spend some time with Toriel again before they went to Asgore. Frisk didn't deserve Toriel's kindness, but they were starving for some sort of love and acceptance.
"I-I j-j-just w-wish I could reset everything." Frisk gasped out. Their voice was hoarse from the crying and not being used for so long. Frisk hadn't spoken since the bullies began their reign of terror against them. There was just no point in talking anymore. It had been easier to remain silent. And none of the monsters seemed to care Frisk couldn't speak, except for Toriel. But in the end she seemed to take it in stride and tried adjusting herself to Frisk's muteness.
Boop!
A loud noise startled Frisk. They quickly rubbed the tears out of their eyes and jumped up, prepared for the threat.
Except…it wasn't a threat. Maybe. Frisk stood in shock, looking at the large, glowing yellow letters floating in front of them.
RESET?
Frisk frowned, confused. What-is this what I think it is?
During their travels through the Underground they came across certain points that Frisk felt more determined upon reaching. If Frisk fell during battle, they would find themselves back at those points as if nothing happened after they reached them. Frisk didn't try to explain it to themselves, they just assumed that since monsters and magic were real, then save points (there was really no better word for them) could be a part of the craziness that was the Underground.
After leaving the Underground, Frisk expected the magic to stop. They presumed it was a part of the Underground the world above didn't have.
But, maybe it wasn't the Underground? Maybe it had something to do with Frisk? Something similar to whatever magical force gave Papyrus, Undyne, sans, and so many others amazing abilities like summoning spears or bones.
Hesitantly Frisk reached out to brush their fingers against the letters. For a moment they darkened, and Frisk jolted back.
Frisk breathed deeply. Their throat constricted a little from their crying, but Frisk continued to take deep, even breaths. They needed to calm down to think clearly.
Two paths were in front of them. The first choice was to not have anything to do with the RESET button. Frisk could continue forward, leaving everything they did as it was. Nothing would change. They could go back to Ms. Smith and the rest of the kids and live out their life in the upper world.
And have my regrets eat me alive. Frisk thought sadly.
Choice number two, press the RESET button and see what happens. Frisk had a good idea of what it might do, but as to how far back it would reset was the puzzling question. Would it take them back to their birth? To their first day in the foster home? Or back to when they fell down the hole in Mount Ebott?
It was unexplored territory.
But.
Frisk couldn't live with what they'd done. This RESET was their saving grace, and when it appeared in front of them they knew immediately what choice their heart, their soul, wanted.
For the first time in forever, Frisk smiled. It was a shaky smile, but it was a smile nonetheless.
Frisk leaned forward and hit RESET.
So, I've got a question for ya. Do you think even the worst person can change? That everyone can be a good person, if they just try?
Sounds strange, but before all of this I was secretly hoping we could be friends.