I lye down in front of his head stone crying for what seemed like hours before I could finally speak.

Hey little man, it's dad. It's been awhile, I hope that you're ok where ever you are. I miss you so much. It's been so hard to come to terms with the fact that we really lost you. My dreams were crushed and my soul left empty, losing you was the worst day of my life. The ground beneath me disappeared, and everything I knew became a lie. I wanted to leave everything behind and run as far away as I could, maybe I even wanted to die with you. Then I looked at your mom's face, she was just as broken as I, maybe even more, If that was even possible. So, I stopped myself from falling apart, and I held your mother when she cried. I told her that it would all be ok, that you were in a better place, but that was all a lie. It isn't better Adam, and I don't know that it will ever be again. It's been six months but at night I can still hear mommy crying, and she asks me why. Why did our baby die? I have no answer for, because I'm still wondering myself. I cant cry in front of mom, I have to be strong for her, but it gets harder all the time. I wonder about you and what you'd be like, even what you'd grow up to look like. I love you son, I'm sorry I haven't been to visit you. It just hurts so bad to know that your little body is beneath this soil. You were my son, you are my son, and you will always be my son Adam. I wish that I could hold your little hand, or that we could play together, but I know that one day we will be together again baby boy. In the mean time I know your uncle Adam will be taking great care of you. There was a time I didn't think you were mine, but that never felt right, it always felt wrong. I was so happy to find out you were mine, now that, that made sense, because I always felt in my heart you were. And even though things turned out the way they did, I still feel so lucky to be your dad.

I wiped away my tears.

Anyways, Besides just visiting you to visit, I have another reason I'm here. I came with news, and I hope it makes you happy. I love your mother, and I'm going to ask her to marry me tonight, I couldn't do it without telling you though. I know you cant respond, but I just wanted you to feel included, and to know you will always be part of our family.

The wind had been non existent that day, but yet the trees started to sway, and I could feel the breeze on my cheeks. He was all around me, letting me know that he was happy, and that he was listening.

I take it you're happy, I'm glad. I have to go now, but I will be back again. I know that you will always be with me, but leaving you here still hurts so bad, it still feels so unfair. Maybe one day it will all make sense, but I don't see how. All I know is that you were here for a little while, alive and well, and now you aren't. Not everything has changed though, you're still everything to your mom and I. We are still mom and dad, and we will love you Forever. We wont ever forget.

I gave his head stone a kiss, and set a picture of Clare and I holding Adams sonogram picture down by the stone. I had it in a zip lock bag, and I found a rock to set on top of it so it wouldn't fly away. I knew it was just a picture, and he could physically look at it, but it just felt good to have it there. I drove away in tears, there was nothing I could to change what happened. I would always be missing a piece of myself.