me is no longer
AN/ this is something that happend to me in march i am playing the part of bella and jake is playing my ex-bff robert and emmett replaces my brother dustin there brother and sister no vamps. dont worry. My counsler said it might help if i wrote it out so here i go.
chapter #1: March,13th,2010
I was sitting on the bed me, emmett and jake had just gotten back from walking to the gas station. We were bored it was like almost midnight. I layed back on my bed listening to jake talk to emmett. I turned on the tv return to sparticus was on. Hmm i havnt seen this yet. I watched the movie it was getting pretty good . When jake walked in. "Yer brother went to bed" he stated as he sat beside me leaveing a bit of space between us. I looked at the clock it was 12:55. "Its late you can stay the night if you want emmetts got the back room you could use the couch" i stated. A smile flickerd across his face but i ignored it. Jake scooted towards me wrapping an arm around me. It felt good to be close to my best friend. "I love you" jake said. I looked at him oddly but before i could say anything his lips crashed to mine. I pushed him back "what are you doing?" i snapped wipeing my mouth off. His eyes looked evil for the first time since i had met him. He dint answer he just pushed me back grabbing my hands above my head. "Get off me" i said. He just smiled. As he began pulling me sweats down i had no panties on. "Jake stop!" i whimperd. I was scared how could my best friend do this to me.
I hadnt noticed he had pulled his pants down to exposeing himself. no no this cant be happening please god! I thought to myself as tears began falling down my face. I felt his hard an pressing against me i tryed sqeezeing my legs together. "Please jake stop please" i begged him he let go of my hands, big mistake i scratched his face. He dint look mad he just ignored it as he pryed my legs apart. That was going to bruise. I felt him push into my entrance i just whimperd in pain i think he ripped me. Tears flowed freely down my face. I scratched him a couple more times but then gave up. He was in i couldnt stop this. I went limp as he finished his job. I cryed but otherwise stayed silent my mind was a fog i couldnt think of anything to stop him. When he finished with a moan he kissed my forhead and got off of me. He threw my sweats to me and began putting his own pants back on. I felt seepage between my legs, he came in me! Fucking basterd. I dont believe in hateing peaple but right now i hated the man before me more then anyone or anything.
I got up slowley. "Where are you going?" He asked i could hear a trace of panic in his voice but it dint register at the time. "Shower" i whisperd. As i walked out of the closed bedroom door and down the holl through th liveing room kitchen and past my brothers door into the bathroom i could hear his snores. I was numb. i turned the shower on hot with very little cold the steam stisfied me.i stripped my clothes. I climbed in letting the scalding water burn my skin. Turning it red immediatly. I slid down the shower wall letting the pain and tears out. a million quistians raced through my head. why me? What did i do? I should have stopped it. I could have screamed. I could have fought! Im worthless. Im pathetic! Those were just a few of my raceing thoughts. I looked around the tub and i saw my shavor on the edge i grabbed it breaking the head off and takeing the blade out. I smiled to myself through the steaming water you heard a slight goggle escape my throught i brang the razoe to my wrist. I cant kill myself he will win i thought. I slid the razoe across my wrist deep but not deep enough to kill me or to need stitches then i carved the word rape!
After i finished cutting i watched the blood flow down my wrist and across the white tub to the drain. Pure beauty. I sat the razor back down and stood up beginning to scrub my body makeing my already red skin raw. I couldnt get rid of the disgusted feeling i had. please let him be gone i thought to myself after scrubbing for what felt like forever. I slowley stepped out of the tub i refused to put those sweats back on with his dna on them the thought itself made me want to scream so i grabbed some dirty pjs out of the hamper and put them on. It was better then those sweats. Tears still flowed like an open foucet down my face i couldnt stop them so i ignored them. And walked out of the bathroom. I walked slowly to my room still with the same thought please let him be gone, When i got to my door i opend it holding my breath. The door swung open and i gasped to myself he was still there. Why was he still there? I dared to look at his face i could see many angry red lines going down his face from where i had scratched him. But it wasnt enough i wanted this man dead. He was no longer my best friend he was my worst enemy!
I sat on the bed tears still rolling down my face. i looked at my knees as i pulled them to my chest i dint speak. He sat back like notheing ever happend i was angry then. How could he think everything was fine now? "I want my brother!" I snapped. I looked at him his straight face turned to one of fear. Was he afraid of my brother? i said it again "get my brother i want my brother i need to talk to my brother" He looked panicked. Yes i had found my weapon. I went to stand up mabe emmett would get him out of here or kill him for me. Jake grabbed my arm and spun me torwards him. "Im sorry" he said still panicked it was leaking into his voice. "Im getting my brother!" i snapped with more courage then i really felt. "He will kill me" jake whisperd i wasnt sure if i was meant to hear but i did. "Probably" i said snotty. "Please dont" he begged. The tears came harder. "How could you jake you were my friend and you hurt me worse then anyone could!" i asked with anger. He just shook his head not haveing an answer and whisperd another "sorry." Im telling my brother i said pulling out of his grip and walking torwards my brothers room jake followed and ran out the door without a second glance. I ran and locked the door then ran to emmetts room. I opened the door and fell to the floor by emmetts bed he slept through all of this he was a very deep sleeper. "Emmett" i sobbed he dint stirr. "Emmett!" i screamed slapping him hard. He jumped up "What!" he snapped and then looked at me. He sat up quickley. "Bella whats wrong?" he asked with the same panic heard in jakes voice. I just sobbed harder. Emmett held me. "Whats wrong?" he asked again soothingly. "He...he...he raped me!" i sobbed. A flash of anger feeled his face. "Who?" he asked. "jake" i whimperd flinching at his name. Emmett let go quickly and jumped standing. "Where is that basterd?" he asked "Im going to kill him" As good as that sounded i couldnt let him get in trouble. "No" i said grabbing his hand he was fumeing. I knew if i dint stop him someone would get hurt and even know it was small i couldnt take the chance of him being hurt. He turned to me and sighed. "Im calling the cops sis" he said as he pulled his cell out. I nodded knowing this was a better alternative he dialed 911. "Hello" he said "My sister was just raped i need a cop here now!" he snapped and read my address off to the opperater.
Emmett walked to the door my tears had finnaly stopped. "Where are you going?" I whisperd my voice croaky from crying. "Im going to kill that son of a bitch!" He said sitting on the couch in the liveing room throwing his shoes on. After his shoes were on he pulled his cell out again dialing a number. He put it so i could hear. "Ya?" jakes voice came over the speaker, i cringed into my brothers arm. Hearing his voice brought on a fresh round of tears. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEND TO MY SISTER?" Emmett shouted. Emmett noticed my cringe and turned it off speaker. "Whatever im gonna kick your ass!" Emmett said. "Meet me down here you pussy!" "Ok meet me at the train tracks" emmett said. And hung up. Emmett walked in his room and came back with a shirt on. And walked towards the door just as i was about to tell him not to go there was a knock i started shakeing. Oh no what if its him? I started hypoventalateing. "Police" the voice on the otherside of the door yelled. Emmett opened the door as i tried to calm my breathing. The police walked in when emmett opened the door a female and a male cop.
I told the police what happened between my sobs and shakeing. "Yer gonna have to come back with me to the station" the male cop said. I looked panicked "Its ok sis ill be right here" emmett said as his phone rang. The cop nodded for him to pick it up. "Hello" emmett said. He then placed the phone to his shirt and whisperd to the cop "Its him" emmett whisperd and explained that jake was sopposed to meet him to fight. "Have him come here" the cop said emmett complied telling jake to come talk to me.
a few minutes later
someones voice came over the cops walkie talkie. "Black is in custady" the voice stated "Taken him to the station now." The cop looked at me "Alright lets go but first i need the bottoms you were wearing" I nodded tears comeing again. I walked to the bathroom and got the stuff. "You may not get these back" the officer said. "Thats fine with me" i whispered and the cop led me to his car.
The rest of the night past in a blur. We went to the cop station i spent 2 hours there with jake in the next room. I cryed i puked i couldnt breath. Then they took me to the hospital which i spent 8 hours being poked and prodedd in my most private ways they talked about doing a sych eval. I shook my head saying i was fine. I went home after that and cryed myself to sleep with my brother laying beside me whispering soothing words. the hospital appointed me a case worker.
1 week later
My mom had sent my aunt to stay with me and keep an eye over me. I hadnt gotten out of bed i wouldnt eat i couldnt sleep Everytime i was so exhosted i did fall asleep i woke screaming. My aunt would sooth me and put me back to sleep. I felt like a baby. My case worker came one day i was in bed. "Bella your caseworkers here" "mmm" i mouned and rolled to face the wall. My aunt left, i heard the door open and shut then i heard talking. My bedroom door opened i no longer flinched i had just became numb. "Bella" my caseworkers soft voice cut through the silence. "hmmm?" i asked. I felt her sit on my bed placeing a hand on my shoulder couseing me to flinch. She removed it quickley. "Sorry" She whispered. "Bella you have to get up and do something...anything" she finished. I rolled and looked at her. "Please talk to me" she asked i just kept looking at her. "Bella if you dont start eating and talking just liveing we are going to have to put you in the mental insitution. My eyes went wide. "I cant!" i said my voice cracking from haveing not been used. The tears flowed fast and so did my words. "I know he is in jail but i cant i just cant you dont understand! Do you?" i snapped. "You have no clue how much he hurt me" She sighed saddly just letting me get it all out. And it helped alot. I started going out and started liveing as she said after our talk.
4 months later
I walked to check the mail. I was leary of going out again jake had just gotten out of jail last week and he had a court hearing two days ago. I hadnt heard from him so i was thankfull. I opened the box there was a letter from victems assistants. I opened it and screamed with joy
jacob black addmited to the crime of sexual battery
and was hereby sentanced by plea bargain to serve
3 years in the washington state prison and 1 year
probation.
"He is gone he is really gone. And i am moveing." i said with a smile.
This story is what happened to me on march,13th,2010 at 1am. I still cant talk about it and i cryed when i wrote it but i feel better and i hope soon i can forgive him for what he has done but entell then i will keep working on myself and my wrighting becouse thats what brings me happiness. One day i would like to publish a book about this to help others who have been through this i want to help others like me like my caseworker helped me.