A/N: Well I finally started writing again… I'm still working on my other Spashley story. I'm like the biggest slacker ever so it may be a while before I update that one. And I dunno if this will be a one-shot or not. But this small story takes place after the shooting. Enjoy!

Well if I did own SoN I wouldn't be living off of cup of noodles and hot pockets. Ha.

Spencer's POV

After everything that happened I wanted to hate her. I really wanted to hate her so badly. But I wasn't able to do it. I couldn't. Deep down inside, my heart still wants her. Needs her. Misses her. And yeah, I still love her.

I miss her so much. My heart misses her. I know I shouldn't but I really do. I still want her. I still love her. And I know I shouldn't.

She has tried apologizing. I know she's sorry. But it still doesn't justify the pain and suffering that I went through. She hurt me. Really bad. I cried. And I cried. And I cried some more. I shed an endless amount of tears. It felt like I cried every single night. Felt like I cried myself to sleep almost every night.

Even though I love her, I still can't trust her. Not yet. Not until she proves to me that I can fully trust her.

If I could be with her right now I would. But I just can't. Not yet. I do want to be with her. Before that happens I need to be able to trust her again.

And if I could move on from all this I would. Of course I find it difficult to separate myself from her. How can I move on if all I do is think about her? Everywhere I am I think about the good times we had together. Everywhere I turn I see her beautiful face. Every song that I hear reminds me of her. I can feel her all around me.

I just wish I could go back in time, before any of this happened. More than anything I want us to be together again. Happy. No problems, no nothing. Just us.

For now we have to deal with the consequences of other peoples choices and actions. And also our own. We need to take the time to look inside ourselves and see what's important. For now I need to figure out my thoughts and feelings.

What do you think? Do I still got it or no? Click the lil button in the corner and tell me!!