RIU Commandments:

1. No one is to allow vermin to conquer Redwall Abbey- Martin the Warrior

2. Don't question why we lack pants-Abbess Germaine

3. The Board of adding rules shall be Martin the Warrior for Abbey Defense, Abbess Germaine for Abbey Basic Rules and Boar the Fighter for Salamandastron. This may be amended in the future.

4. It's never free muffin day at Salamandastron. Stop asking.-Boar the Fighter

5. Whoever tells the new hare recruits that there is a free muffin day shall be thwacked-Boar

6. There is no secret abbey hot tub. And whoever tells you that there is will not sell you the keys for twenty bucks-Germaine

7. No one is to write "made in China" on either the tapestry or sword- Germaine

8. My sword is not "enchanted by ancient demon magic" and I did not sell my soul to Beelzebub in order to do so. Who told you this, Slagar? Maelstrom? –Martin

9. Salamandastron has been proven to be extinct. Don't go around telling people that it's only dormant and about to erupt any second-Boar

10. Yes, Redwall is a commune. No, we are not socialist, so please refrain from calling us commies.- Germaine

B: Telling us that because Redwall must be communist because of its name will not convince us. It's just a color, guys. –Martin

11. The abbey is not a transforming robot.-Martin

12. Neither is Salamandastron.-Boar

13. Don't feed the Kreatures.-Martin

14. I'm not secretly female-Boar

15. Neither am I-Martin

16. Don't sing "The Bad Touch" by the Bloodhound Gang. Yes, we are mammals, but we will not "do it like they do on the Discovery Channel"- Germaine

B. Especially not in front of Cluny or Asterius. Because they might take you seriously.-Germaine

17. Don't sing the waffle song either. Waffles haven't been invented yet.- Martin

18. I didn't father your child.-Martin

19. We are not furries and we will not "yiff" you.-Germaine

20. Stop asking what Clan any of the wild cats are from or if they know where Firestar is.-Germaine

21. It's not a Snuggie, it's a habit. Jerk. -Germaine

22. Stop saying that Salamandastron is proof that Freud is right.-Boar

23. No, October Ale is not alcoholic. Stop accusing us of corrupting minors.-Germaine

24. Stop referring to Salamandastron as Efrara. Those were rabbits, not hares, dammit.-Boar

25. And for God's sake, stop drawing explicit pictures of certain body parts on the abbey walls.-Martin

B. I'm looking at YOU, Slagar -Martin.

26. Yes, we're technically Catholic, but that's because Protestantism hasn't been invented yet-Germaine

27. The size of my sword most certainly doesn't mean I'm compensating for something. That's such a huge lie. I mean, who would even think that?-Boar

28. To whoever keeps putting sales tags on the dibbuns and pointing them out to various vermin slavers…Stop it or I'll have to kill you.- Martin.

29. Stop referring to Salamandastron as Mount Doom and stop trying to throw random pieces of jewelry into it. -Boar

B. Even if you claim the ring you're trying to throw away keeps whispering to you and when you put it on you turn invisible.

30. Stop leaving food wrappers, beverage cans and used hypodermic needles on the abbey grounds-Germaine.