The look in his eyes. Pity, regrets.
I couldn't stand the way his eyes washed over me, taking in the view of me literally falling apart. Damn hellhounds. I'd never wanted this to be the last he saw of me, my blood dripping between my fingers that actually held me together.
I could see the sadness and pain in his and Sam's eyes. Nobody was saying it, but we all knew the inevitable. I was dying and I knew it. Mom was fussing over me, as she would for the last time. And suddenly I felt bad. Not about dying, but that I'd always been so pissed at her for not letting me hunt, all I'd wanted to do was be like dad. And now I was. Killed in battle, just like him.
The pain was unbearable and never-faltering, it felt like hot nails had been shoved in my side, yanked out and slammed in again, tearing my flesh and pulling out what should never be outside the body. My shaking hands were all that stopped me from grabbing Dean. I was weak. Always had been. Too weak to prove myself to him, and now to weak to keep my eyes open. The rusty smell of my blood filled the air and immediately the smell shocked me awake. I couldn't hold on. Not long left.
The others were grabbing salt, iron nails..anything they could put in the bomb to kill those hounds that howled outside the warehouse door. Sam cringed at their howls and snarls, and I could see him eyeing Dean, recalling when his brother had been a victim of them. And now so was I.
Dean handed the finished product to Sam, who in turn handed the detonator to mom. She was staying, as she always had, with me. Til the very end. Dean lent foward and brushed his lips against mine. The rest of the world was lost to me, and when he pulled back I realised how weak I really felt, loss of blood wearing me down.
Mom sat down beside me and pulled me close, wincing as I groaned at the contact. The pain was overwhelming, Even I was suprised I hadn't passed out yet. I felt light and tired. I knew what was coming next, nothing in the world could have prepared me, or made me ready. Dean had just done the one thing I'd wanted for so long..and now..I was dying. The last words I spoke were uttered so low nobody heard, not even my mother, who held me close.
"I love you Dean"
Their footsteps faded away and the hellhounds outside smashed through the door, My head lolled against mom's shoulder, she didn't notice, waiting for the hounds to edge closer. The light, people say they see a light, its all true. The blinding pure white light blasted in my mind as I felt myself fade away, an instant later, even though I knew I was dead, somewhere even in death I heard the blast as my mother detonated the bomb, killing herself and incinerating our bodies in the process. No remains, it was like we'd never existed.
And then there was Dean. The last thought in my mind, even in Death and Afterlife.
The one person who made my life complete in the end.