Deep, dark, saddening, depressing thoughts overflowed my mind causing me to become dizzy and careless. I walked into my room mindlessly knocking over vases and pictures of memories that will soon be forgotten. I struggled to shut the door behind me, I was so weak, my bones felt fragile, too fragile. I collapsed on my bed with tears running down my face. Nothing was okay, nothing would ever be okay. I feel so alone in this world, I feel so sad. I feel like nobody wants me, nobody cares.
I have always been alone, at home, in school, and even when I am dancing with my crew. Mo I'm pretty sure doesn't give two shits about me. He never hangs out with me, he never talks to me, the only time we are really together is when we practice. I feel like he is using me, just to get him more popular. He is always so quiet around me but then when I leave he gets loud, funny, crazy and obnoxious. Everyone loves him he is just so perfect. But what about me? I'm usually always in the back during our performances, he never lets me lead. The fans always push me aside so they could get to take a picture of them with Mo, or tell him how awesome he is. Never has anyone came up to me and told that I was amazing. I doubt no one will ever compliment me, but that's okay… because maybe it's all about to end soon. Nobody cares.
I took a deep breath as I sat up in bed and thought more about me and how useless my life is. I wonder if I went would anyone care, probably not. School is terrible, the kids always leave hateful notes in my locker saying that I am gay, or I am a nerd with no life. Jocks always beat me up while I am walking to school, during school, and after school. The popular girls spread rumors about me and call me ugly, or stupid Asian kid. I sit alone in a corner at lunch and read a book to distract me from overhearing what all the other kids are saying about me. My heart aches a little more each time I hear an insult, I feel like if my heart is about to crack and explode whenever I hear someone say something bad about me. It hurts so much, I feel like I'm half dead. I want to crawl up in a ditch and die. Nobody would care, right? Nobody cares.
I stood up and shuffled through the drawer in my nightstand for my silver video camera along with the remote that came with it. Once I found it I pulled up my desk in front of my bed and placed my video camera so it could record my bed and the remote next to it. Then I went into the dining room and pulled one of the wooden dining chairs into my room and set it in front of the video camera. I closed my door. I sat down on the edge of the chair and gave this another thought. If I do this there is no going back once I'm dead, I'm dead, and I cannot go back. Ever. But I don't wanna come back anyway. What would my parents say? I bet they wouldn't even notice because they are too busy traveling around the world to notice. It was official, I am going to commit suicide. But how would I want to do it? I want it to be quick and not so painful. Or quick and painful doesn't really matter as long as I go.
First I thought about hanging myself, but I have no rope. And I can't go buy one because I left my wallet in my locker, shit. I'm pretty sure someone took it by now and is spending my money. Second option, overdose of pills. I left my room into my parent's master bathroom and open their medicine cabinet. I took every orange medicine bottle I could find. On my way back to my room I stopped and got a cold clear glass of ice cold water. I closed the door behind me again with the bottles of pills in my other arm and the cup of water in my other. I set them down on my bed behind the chair, I balanced the cup of water on there too, then I snatched the remote off of my desk. I sat down in the wooden chair and pressed record on my remote. The red light blinked telling me that it was recording. I sat and thought for a moment of what I wanted to say before I went.
"I don't know why everyone hates me so much," I started to cry a little bit " I don't know what I did wrong. But all I know is that no one cares. M-Mo take good care of the crew. I'm pretty sure you want someone else to dance with you than me, and mom, dad…" I sighed, "I don't know what to say to you guys. You guys were never here… but you don't have to worry anymore because… bye." I quickly turned around then took one pill from a bottle and put it in my mouth, then another, then another, then another, etc. Until I had taken a pill from every bottle. I drank the water as I swallowed all the pills down my throat. Already I felt dizzy and was about to faint. I took the remote in my hand and put my thumb on the stop button.
"Well it won't be long before I die now… so I guess this is it. Bye," I waved one last goodbye too the camera and pushed stop on the remote. The red light stopped blinking which meant it was done recording. I could barely stand up and walk over so I could turn off my camera. I held my index finger on the power button until the screen blacked out, and then…
So did I.
Should I continue it?... Please R&R…