"So, what do you want to do today?" Jacob asks, opening the passenger-side door of his Range Rover for me. It was a gift from my parents two years ago to replace his old Rabbit that finally broke down and was so far past fixing that even Jacob couldn't repair it.

I thought about his question for a second as I buckled my seatbelt. What did I want to do? I knew I could say just about anything and as always, he'd be game for whatever I wanted.

Well, with a few exceptions, I guess. Because when I said, "Cliff diving?" he wrinkled his nose and frowned uncharacteristically.

"It's a little cold for that today, Ness. Maybe if it's warmer we can go tomorrow. Seth's been dying to go, too."

"Okay, how about a hike? Up to the meadow?" I asked. I say the meadow but really it's our meadow. We came across it on a hunting trip a few years back; it's about eleven miles from Jacob's house. It's full of beautiful lilacs and honeysuckles, and absolutely stunning when the dawn hits it early in the morning. We're way past dawn now, but it'd be beautiful jut the same. We had our first kiss in that meadow.

"Sure," Jacob agreed, grinning. The engine purrs to life softly as he says, "You want to go by my house first? Billy would love to see you."

"Of course. I'll need to change, anyway." I frown, looking down at my clothes. Alice had dressed me, as she always does, and the intolerably tight skinny jeans and brown leather high-heeled boots were not exactly hike-friendly. "Alice cannot comprehend my need for comfort."

Jacob chuckles, "Which is why you keep backup clothes are in my closet?"

"Precisely." I say in a serious voice, intertwining my hand through Jacob's that rests on the middle consol.

"What time did your dad say they would be back?"

"Late this afternoon. But I don't have to be home until nine. Weren't you listening?" I teased lightly.

"I was. But then you walked in, looking absolutely stunning, and I couldn't hear the words he was saying anymore."

I rolled my eyes but pecked him on the cheek. "Nice save." My parents were going on an all day hunting trip to Canada with Rose and Emmett, leaving Jacob and I to do whatever we wanted. Not that that was much of a change from our usual doing whatever we wanted. The only difference was that now we didn't have to worry about anyone (my dad) keeping tabs on us.

We finish the twenty- minute drive in silence, not heavy or uncomfortable silence. Just the kind of silence that makes me love Jacob more; silence where nothing needs to be said, because you know the other person is so perfectly content to just have you there next to them. And I was.

We pull in front of the small red house, and I hop out before Jake even turns the ignition off. I race up to the small red house, cracking open the door whilst knocking lightly. "Billy?" I call as Jake walks up behind me, pushing the door the rest of the way open. "Dad?" he calls, louder than I did.

Billy rolls smoothly into the living room. "Hey guys, what are you kids up to?"

I walk up to meet him, leaning down and hugging him tightly. "Hi Billy."

"We're hiking." Jacob says, towing me by the hand down the hallway to his room.

"Seriously?" I sigh, entering his room. It's a complete mess. Clothes everywhere. Bed unmade. I glare at Jacob.

"What? It's not that bad."

"I cleaned this room two days ago."

"It's… not unclean." He retorted. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the small smile that turned up the corners of my mouth. I moved quickly, at an inhumanly fast past. In less than a minute I had made his bed, put all of his clothes in the dirty clothes hamper, and started a load of laundry.

"Thank you," he ran a hand through his hair, grinning sheepishly.

"No worries," I reached up and pecked him on the lips. "I'm going to change."

"And I should probably step out, right?" Jake sighs, feigning disappointment.

"I'm not going to make you," I tease, but he just grins and ducks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I opened the bottom drawer of Jacob's dresser, which was I had claimed as my own for some of my clothes years ago. I was here all the time, this way I didn't have to pack a bag when I wanted to spend the day. I tugged off my boots and jeans, replacing them with black spandex leggings and tennis shoes. I pulled my sweater over my head, replacing my bra with a sports bra and then throwing on a grey t-shirt.

I pull my long hair up into a ponytail and I skip out of the room, running smack into Jacob's chest. "You're going to freeze." He immediately protests, eyeing my t-shirt.

"No I won't," I retort. "I'm bringing you with me for a reason. You're my own personal heater."

He chuckles and then adds sarcastically, "You mean you're using me for more than my good looks?"

My laughter harmonizes nicely with his as I catch a hoodie the throws my way. I pull it over my head without protesting; I am a little cold already.

On our way out the door I call, "Good to see you Billy!"

Before Jacob shuts the door we hear, "Good to see you too Ness, have fun kids!"

We jog into the trees, a light drizzle beginning to fall. I move faster subconsciously, not immediately realizing I've initiated a race. Jacob makes his way in front of me little by little, and it's only moments before I break into a human-paced sprint. Which is still pretty fast, as much as I'm holding back.

Rain starts to fall steadily, dampening our hair and faces. We barely notice, both of us running and laughing and pushing to get in front of the other. We weave through the trees, moving slower than necessary, as to not leave each other behind. I think it's hilarious we both think that we're letting the other person win.

I turn to look at him, is radiantly white teeth contrasting vibrantly against his rich bronze skin. His face is moist from the light rain, but his glittering smile seems to light up the grey sky and dark trees behind him.

I pay the price for taking my eyes off of the ground when I end up face-first on the damp ground. "Ness!" Jacob's voice anxiously yells above my head. I sit up and he relaxes visibly when he sees that I'm laughing.

He chuckles softly. "Are you okay?" I nod, still laughing at myself. He grabs my hands and pulls me to my feet effortlessly. "What did you trip over?" he asks, picking moss from my hair.

My eyes go to the ground, searching for something to blame my stumble on. Seeing nothing, not even a branch, I mumble, "Um, my feet?" I feel blood rush to my cheeks, embarrassed.

"Like mother, like daughter." Jacob murmurs, taking my hand. We walk closely, our fingers intertwined, like he's ready to catch me if necessary.

Sadly, being graceful is not my forte. Usually I can pretend to be, but spend enough time with me and you're bound to see me face-plant at some point.

After walking and chatting for what felt like ever, we got to our meadow. The rain had let up into just a sprinkle and the sun started to peek out from behind the puffy grey clouds.

The flowers and tall blades of grass in the field shine like diamonds in the afternoon light. Or like my family's skin. As we step into the sun I look at my own skin.

It sparkles weakly: like a dull, cloudy crystal. I frown and look at Jacob. He's already staring. "What?" I ask, and he leans down, pulling my face closer to his.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He says seriously, as if he can sense my insecurity.

I shake my head slightly, opening my mouth to protest. Before I can his lips melt into mine, kissing me with an unbearable urgency. I kiss him back just as fiercely, intertwining my fingers into his damp hair.

I am so lost in his fervent kiss and deep black eyes that I barely notice when he unravels the big, flannel blanket that was tucked under his arm while we were walking. I pull him to the ground and we sit, our limbs tangled and our hands ensnarled in each other's hair.

Our tongues dance, our mouths moving perfectly in sync. We break away to breathe for a millisecond, and I pull his sweatshirt over my head, suddenly hot. I pull his face to mine again, pushing him back gently towards the ground. He lets me and falls back, taking me with him.

I help him pull his own sweatshirt over his head and I feel the kiss become slightly less urgent. He puts his hands on my shoulders and gently pushes me away. "Ness," he pants, breathless, "we should stop."

"Why?" I demand, catching my own breath.

"Your dad will actually and literally kill me. I may not live to see tomorrow."

"We don't have to let him dictate everything, Jake." I lay down beside him, laying my head on his chest.

"He's your dad. It's easier to not aggravate him. Like a bear."

"I've been fully grown for over a year. I'm an adult." I inform him, slightly frusterated. "I'm never going to get any more mature than I am right now, and it's not like I'm ever going to want to be with anybody but you."

Jacob says nothing; he lets me cool down. "Jake?" I whisper a few minutes later.

"Hmm?" He responds, eyes closed.

"Do you think we can have kids?"

He's quiet for a second and then his eyes open and he whispers, "I don't know, Ness. I really don't know."

"Would we try?" I breathe, almost afraid to hear his answer.

"Not unless we could guarantee your safety."

"But what if that never happens? I'm kind of unknown, Jake."

"Then we wouldn't chance it."

"Why not?" I demand, scared. Scared of what we don't know.

"Because I could never put you in danger like that." He says calmly.

I sit up. "You mean like my dad did?" I shoot back, frustrated that he's so calm. "They chanced it, Jake. And it all worked out okay."

He sits up too, a guarded grimace on his face. "No it didn't, Renesmee." Jacob never used my full name. He continues, the words coming faster and louder. "I have never seen Edward so hopeless. I watched Bella let herself wither away, and that was one of the most painful things I have ever been through. It was for your dad, too. I can't watch a girl I'm in love with do that to herself. Not again."

Anger flashes through me at his words; then confusion. Again?

Realization seems to slap Jacob hard, and he tries to backtrack. "I didn't mean that…that part… Er, I uh, I didn't mean that, Ness. I just meant—" He keeps babbling but I don't listen.

What did Jacob just accidentally tell me? I knew that my birth caused drama and fear, but the extend had always been withheld, and this new information hurt. I didn't know I had hurt my family as much as I did.

But Jacob's other words ring through my head. I can't watch a girl I'm in love with do that to herself. Not again.

I got the first part just fine. What I don't get is the "not again."

Is he talking about my mom?

"Jacob," I cut him off as he helplessly attempts to cover up his words. "What did you mean, 'not again'?" I almost whisper, completely wary of his answer.

He sighs deeply, sitting down again. I can feel the anxiety radiating off of him as he motions for me to sit beside him. I sit cautiously, studying his face.

He takes my hands in his, and I'm not sure whose are trembling. Mine, I think. "Ness, you know that I love you," he says warily, "but there's something that we never planned on telling you—"

"We?" I squeak, interrupting.

"Yes, you're family and I." He continues impatiently. "It doesn't mean anything anymore, Ness. I swear-"

"Spit it out Jake. You're scaring me," I stare into his eyes intently, holding my breath.

He inhales deeply. "Before you were born, I thought that I was in love with Bella."

I freeze. I hear his words, but they don't make any sense. "What?" I ask, confused.

Jacob takes another deep breath. "It was before Edward and Bella got married, and she never felt the same way I did…."

He keeps talking but I stop listening. I stand, pulling my hands away from his. Jacob…. And my…. Mom? My mother?

I always knew they had a past and were close, but I didn't think...

Oh my god. I am in love with a man who was in love with my mother. I'm just the second best thing. A second-fucking choice.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice Jacob moving towards me until his big hands are on either side of my face. " Ness, please don't cry," he says nervously, wiping away a tear I didn't know was there. "I never wanted you to find out this way. It's really not as big of a deal as you think it is. Please relax."

"Relax?" I choke out, finding my words. "How can you expect me to relax? Can you not understand how weird this is for me? My mother, Jake!" I scream in a strangled voice, jerking away from his touch. I force myself to calm my voice, "How could you not tell me?" I try to make the question as even and levelheaded sounding as possible, but it comes out like a distressed whisper. I back away from Jacob, my vision blurred with unshed tears.

Jacob's eyes bore into mine, pleading. "I didn't want to hurt you. You don't understand how long ago this was! It doesn't mean anything to anyone anymore. I am so sorry, Ness."

I have so much more to say; I have so many more questions, but my thoughts are too overwhelming to form into words. I can feel myself hyperventilating, and I can hear Jacob's voice in the background, but I can't focus on anything except for the image of Jacob, my Jacob, with my mom. It's nauseating.

I need to get out. I need some time to think, and to decide whether or not I'm being ridiculous.

Still stunned, I pull my gaze from Jacob's tortured black eyes just as rain begins to fall. He takes a step toward me and I automatically take one back, throwing a glance over my shoulder to the path we came from.

I look to Jacob, who knows what I'm about to do but makes no move to stop me. Turning away from him, I run. I break into a full sprint, running at a faster and more supernatural pace than I ever have before.

I thankfully feel no pursuit behind me as rain falls steadier. I don't stop and the cold, fat drops soak me to the bones.

I make the eleven-mile run back to Jacob's in around nine or ten minutes. My cell phone and clothes are inside, but I don't dare go in. The last thing I want to do right now is have to explain to Billy why I'm here; alone, soaking wet, and crying.

I can feel confusing thoughts and questions gnawing at the corners of my mind, and desperate to escape, I make a mad dash for home. Home: which is quite a few miles away, I might add.

With every sprinting stride I push away the confusion; tears trail down my face as I blur past tall, green trees. At some point I trip, hitting the ground unreasonably hard. I twist to see what I tripped over and notice the tear in my leggings and the cut on my leg, which slowly oozes blood. Not to mention the mud now caked into my hair and clothes. Way to go, Ness.

I can't give my parents the child that they deserve to raise for the orthodox eighteen years.

I took my mother's mortal life.

I thought I could make Jacob happy, but I'll never be enough; I'll never be my mother. That's what he wants. He loved her; he'll never love me like that. I'm just the next best thing.

I curl into a ball on the green forest floor, sobs racking my chest. The sky cries with me, thunder rumbling in the distance.

I know, how self-absorbed. Believe me, I'm usually not one to engage in self-pity.

Even the green canopy of trees overhead can't protect me from the downpour. The afternoon is turning into evening, and I'm starting to get cold. I don't know what to do. I want to talk to somebody; I want to scream and yell at the top of my lungs about how shocking and fucked up this whole situation is. This morning I was the happiest person in the whole world. How did everything collapse around me so quickly?

I sit up and wipe away the raindrops from my tear-streaked face. I stare into the grey sky for a while, just thinking. I take a deep breath. It's time to go home before home comes to find me, like I know they will.

Probably looking like I've been lost in the woods for days, I walk home, confused and unbearably numb.