A/N: I was watching Jesse's Girl recently and noticed that when Caitlin goes to Ellie's house to confront her, Ellie hands her a cup of coffee. So, I figured, Caitlin's gotta be stuck there for at least five minutes while she drinks it. This is my take on what went down …
This is a one shot, and is in no way related to my other story All Fall Down.
Caitlin Ryan had been standing outside for a good ten minutes. She would mentally prepare herself to go and knock on the door, take a few deep breaths, start walking toward the house – and then whip around and walk back to the sidewalk, scuffing her shoe along the concrete and frowning. She'd gone through this routine half a dozen times.
Maybe I should just leave it, she thought, then chided herself for being so chicken. She hadn't become a famous and influential journalist by running away from things. No; she'd done so by stepping into awkward and dangerous situations that other people would turn and run from. Come on, Caitlin. This is no different. Just go and knock on the door.
She knew she'd regret it if she left without talking to Ellie Nash. She wanted – no, needed – to know why Ellie had done what she had last night. Caitlin was embarrassed enough by the whole situation. Carrying on with a college boy like that – what had she been thinking? And then to have her former mentee walk in on them. It hadn't been something she'd want anyone to see, ever. Her embarrassment had increased tenfold by the younger girl announcing it to the world last night. As well as embarrassed, she was hurt that Ellie would do that to her. She owes me an explanation, she decided, walking – once more – toward the house, determined.
Her head pounding, Ellie prepared a pot of coffee. Well done, Nash, she congratulated herself. You've really done it this time. She'd embarrassed herself in front of Jesse, the rest of the Core staff, various faculty members and other important people. Will I ever be able to show my face around campus again, she wondered.
And even before last night's extravaganza she'd quit the paper, in some hopes of salvaging the sham of a relationship she had with Jesse.
This may just be an all time low for me, she thought. I really have nothing left to lose.
Marco del Rossi was oblivious to the heavy thinking taking place in his kitchen, and outside his house. He'd woken up feeling particularly chirpy, the sun was shining outside, and he was ready to face the day.
He headed into the kitchen, finding Ellie pouring a cup of coffee. "What's the story, morning glory?"
Ellie winced, his voice reverberating inside her head. "Take it down a few notches, please."
Marco's good mood was taken down a few notches. "You're hungover – Ellie I thought we talked about this."
There was a knock at the door, and they both looked up. Caitlin entered, still somewhat hesitant. "Hello", she called, trying to keep her voice steady.
"Hi – famous – Caitlin Ryan, in my house" Marco said excitedly. His excitement didn't spread to the other two people in the room, though Caitlin was somewhat bemused. Marco had met her quite a few times before.
"Uh, could I have a sec with Ellie?" she asked, quickly gesturing towards the girl.
Marco was happy to oblige. "Have a bunch of secs". Then, realizing what he'd just said, "Ah – oh – not sex –" Ellie gestured for him to leave the room. "I'm just gonna go …" he trailed off, leaving Caitlin and Ellie to themselves.
"Welcome to my abode" Ellie greeted Caitlin, who placed her handbag on the counter.
I'll just cut straight to the chase, Caitlin thought, reminding herself that it was Ellie who owed her an explanation.
"So I'm here to ask why you humiliated me in public", she asked, keeping her eyes fixed on Ellie's face. She looked down for a moment, trying to still her hurt and anger. Looking back up, she added "What right do you have to comment on my private life?"
Ellie scoffed lightly. What right do you have to hook up with my boyfriend? "Um, Jesse is – my boyfriend." She nodded, trying to affirm what she'd just revealed.
Caitlin was taken aback, and visibly so. She opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again, realizing she didn't know what to say. She nodded herself. Oh. "Uh –" she stammered, and shook her head. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Isn't it obvious? Ellie thought, half laughing as she replied. "I'm sleeping with the boss! I though that might look … unprofessional."
Her earlier resolute to go in and demand answers gone, Caitlin looked away, trying to gather the thoughts which were flying around in her head. "Ellie, if I had any idea, um," she pursed her lips. "Jesse didn't say anything", she added, a hint of anger and desperation in her voice.
"I know", Ellie assured her, making eye contact. "I know, and that's why I quit the paper."
"You what?" Caitlin asked, as Ellie turned away. "Why would you do that?" How does me hooking up with your boyfriend lead to you quitting a job which you need for your career?
Ellie grabbed a red mug from a cupboard, and turned back towards Caitlin. "I wanted me and Jesse to work so badly." Setting the mug down on the bench, she picked up the coffee pot.
Caitlin paused for a second, then looked up at Ellie. "You could be a great journalist", she said earnestly. A half smile appeared on Ellie's face as she poured a cup. Caitlin continued, "Don't let a freshman romance stand in the way of your career. I learnt that the hard way." Ellie nodded, thinking of the mistake she had already made in choosing her relationship over the paper. But it's too late now, isn't it? She handed Caitlin the cup of coffee. Caitlin accepted it, and decided to bring up the one other thing she'd been wondering about. "And, um, I smelt booze on your breath last night." She leant against table, looking at Ellie for an explanation.
Ellie swallowed a mouthful of coffee, and gave a short soft laugh. Crap, she thought. How can I play this down? "Um, yeah. I had a glass of wine before the Q and A. It's not a big deal."
Caitlin swallowed her own mouthful of coffee. "Can I tell you how it looks from where I'm sitting?" she asked softly.
Ellie nodded, though she was confident she wouldn't like where this was headed.
"I see two possible scenarios here. One is that the Ellie I saw last night was under the influence – pretty drunk – and didn't mean all that she said, and didn't intend to conduct herself the way that she did. The other is that she was in complete control, meant what she said, and knew exactly what she was doing." Caitlin took a long sip of her drink. "I much prefer the first one."
Definitely didn't like where that was headed, Ellie thought. And I definitely don't like that Caitlin's right. "Well – maybe it was more than one drink," she relented.
"Why, Ellie? Why, before such an important event?" Caitlin exclaimed.
"I was nervous!" Ellie protested, feeling defensive. "It felt awkward. There were so many really important people there, I just … didn't want to mess it up. Drinking dulled that. I forgot to be scared." Looking down into her half finished coffee, she muttered "I just made an idiot of myself instead."
Caitlin was confused, and Ellie's answer didn't really sit right with her. "See, that doesn't sound like the Ellie I know. Nerves and awkwardness are a normal part of journalism. You usually rise to the challenge."
The younger girl laughed bitterly. "The Ellie you know has changed, Caitlin. Maybe she's not cut out for this after all."
Caitlin sighed. "Ellie, what's really going on here? Two days ago, at CQJH, you were still completely focused on a journalism career. You were just like the Ellie I knew years ago."
It was Ellie's turn to sigh. Well, I'm already at rock bottom, things can't get much worse. "Right. So … maybe it wasn't about that. I guess I was also – hurt – by Jesse. Although I shouldn't have been surprised." She took a gulp of coffee. "Guys always treat me like crap. I should be used to it by now."
Caitlin looked at Ellie sympathetically.
"Don't, Caitlin. Please don't look at me like that. If you feel sorry for me, it must mean that it's true, and I don't think I can cope with it being true."
Despite an effort not to, Caitlin still looked on sympathetically. "Okay … so the drinking is starting to make sense now."
Ellie walked around to the front of the counter and leant against it, facing Caitlin. "I guess you got me. I thought drinking would make me forget about being mad at Jesse. Because I can't be mad at him. I need this relationship to work, because I've already sacrificed the paper for it. I don't want that to be wasted."
Caitlin was thoughtful for a minute. She could see that Ellie had made a mistake choosing Jesse over the paper, but wasn't sure she could convince the younger girl of that.
"Are you sure you've cut all ties at the Core? Could you go back, retract your resignation as it were?"
Ellie shrugged. "Technically, I guess I could. But everyone there saw my fine display last night. I don't know if I'll ever be taken seriously again. And me and Jesse … we're only gonna work if I stay away from the paper."
Caitlin checked her watch, noting regretfully that she needed to get going. "I need to go, but keep in touch, okay?" She dug through her bag and handed Ellie a business card. "There's my contact details. Let me know what you decide about the paper, and call me if you need anything." She pulled Ellie in for a hug, adding "Don't let alcohol become a replacement coping mechanism, hmm?"
Ellie was startled by the reference to her cutting, something she and Caitlin had discussed only briefly, years ago. She was surprised she even remembered it.
She wanted to say so many things in response, but all she could manage was "I'm sorry I called you a slut."
Caitlin smiled as she pulled away. "Think seriously about Jesse and the paper, okay?" She left, and Ellie was left to her thoughts. Had she made the wrong decision?
She concluded that yes, she had. Alright, Nash, she spoke with herself. What are you going to do to fix this?