Ring Around the Rosie
Chapter 1
Sequel to to London Bridge. Let the fun begin.
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers; I'm just prostituting it for my amusement.
Summary: Cliffjumper wants to make it up to Mirage for acting like an aft. He notices that Mirage is not fairing so well after his run in with the Insecticons.
Warning: M/M robot slashy goodness.
Pairings: Mirage/ Cliffjumper
Mirage lay on his berth, optics open even though he should have been deep in recharge. He couldn't physically shutter his optics, and he couldn't quite his mind. The lights of his room were still on; Mirage found himself afraid to turn off the lights. Darkness held new terrors for him. It brought him back into the small corner of his processor where Bombshell had kept Mirage trapped in the dark unable to move his body or even feel it. It was embarrassing to feel so terrified, like a small sparkling, but Mirage found himself unable to suppress the fear. Even with the lights on, Mirage couldn't shutter his optics. With them closed, he would be in the dark and his memories would begin replaying themselves in a continual loop. Mirage tried not to shake. His intakes took one quick breath after another, and his engine revved while his spark pulsed violently within its chamber. Angry with himself, and his own childishness, Mirage rolled onto his side, shuttered his optics tightly and ordered the lights off. He hugged his limbs close to his body and tried to fight the urge to turn back on the lights.
After two days, Cliffjumper knew something was wrong. The first day after Mirage had been released from the medbay, Cliffjumper had spied on him and Hound and seen how tired Mirage looked. He'd put it off as Mirage needing more time to recover from his ordeal. By the second day, today, Cliffjumper realized there was altogether something more going on with Mirage than just tiredness. For starters, Hound seemed anxious when he looked at Mirage. Of course neither Hound nor Mirage knew Cliffjumper was spying on them. When Cliffjumper had seen the expression on Hound's face he'd tried to sneak closer. His red paint didn't lent itself to camouflaging with the forest but the underbrush was thick and Hound seemed entirely too focused on Mirage to notice him. Mirage didn't seem focused on anything. Cliffjumper heard him answering Hound, speaking about the forest, about the Ark. Mirage's tone seemed normal enough, but Cliffjumper wasn't about to trust that. He inched through the bushes and tried to get a better look at Mirage.
He was smiling in response to something Hound had said but Cliffjumper could see what must have had Hound worried. Mirage's smile didn't reach his optics. Cliffjumper stayed very still and watched Mirage's optics. Whatever expression Mirage was making, his optics remained the same. They looked strained. Maybe Mirage just needed more time to recover; Cliffjumper tried to avoid becoming too alarmed.
"Are you sure you're ready to go back on the duty roster," Hound asked, his voice carrying over to Cliffjumper's audios.
"Of course," Mirage replied, he seemed to be trying to look at ease, at least from Cliffjumper's angle, but it wasn't working. "I'm not damaged, Hound."
"But you don't look good," Hound replied. "I'm worried about you."
"Thank you for that," Mirage replied tersely. "I'm quite alright; there is nothing for you to concern yourself over."
"I didn't mean it like that," Hound said. "You just look tired."
"I can assure you I am fine," Mirage said, irritation made his tone sharp. "Let's return to the Ark."
Cliffjumper moved back through the bushes. Mirage never snapped at Hound, never. When the three of them had lived in the same house on Cybertron, Cliffjumper had never heard Mirage even raise his voice at his lifelong friend. The tone Mirage was using now was cutting. Whatever Mirage thought, he was not fine and Cliffjumper would be damned if he was going to sit around and pretend he hadn't just seen this argument.
He raced as fast as his wheels would take him and returned to the Ark. He knew he'd beat Mirage and Hound because Hound would certainly be trying to make up with Mirage. Cliffjumper went straight to the medbay, looking for Ratchet; he raced in at such speed that Ratchet seemed to think there was some kind of disaster brewing.
"What's wrong?" Ratchet asked. "Who's damaged?"
"No one, I think," Cliffjumper said. "You can't clear Mirage for duty."
"Pardon?" Ratchet asked and narrowed his optics at Cliffjumper.
"He's not okay," Cliffjumper said, actually oblivious to Ratchet's irritation with him. "He's pretending to be okay, but somethings wrong."
"He went through a bit of an ordeal," Ratchet replied.
"Because of me, I know," Cliffjumper said quickly. "You fixed him, I know, I know. But something is still wrong with him. I can see it. Hound sees it too but Mirage isn't talking to him about it and I don't want him to get hurt again, all because he's not okay because of that Insecticon, because of me."
"How do you know he and Hound are having issues?" Ratchet asked. His patience had returned. The prospect of a patient in need always brought the professional out in him.
"I've been watching them," Cliffjumper said. "Just to make sure Mirage was really okay."
"Cliffjumper," Ratchet sighed and rubbed his optics. "Okay, what are you seeing that makes you think Mirage is unwell."
"He looks tired," Cliffjumper said. "Really tired and there's something wrong with how he looks. His optics look different. Dull."
"Mirage will be here later today to have a final exam before being cleared for duty," Ratchet said. "If I see something wrong, I'll hold off on clearing him for work. No promises."
"Thanks Ratch," Cliffjumper said.
"You could consider talking to him," Ratchet said.
"After how I've treated him, I don't think Mirage wants anything to do with me," Cliffjumper replied.
"I'm not going to pretend you weren't an aft," Ratchet said. "But Mirage said he forgave you when you apologized back when he first woke up."
"Not much of an apology," Cliffjumper mumbled. "And don't you think he could have just accepted it to be polite?"
"Maybe, but I doubt it," Ratchet replied. "I think Mirage was genuinely happy that you came around."
"Hmm," Cliffjumper hummed. "I'll think about it."
Something was indeed wrong with Mirage. Ratchet looked at his scans and noted the low energy levels. His fuel cells were full, so Mirage was consuming his rations, but from the looks of things, he may not have been recharging, not properly at least. The levels read at 65%, and Mirage looked like he needed a long recharge. He'd put on an up beat mask before he'd entered the medbay but Ratchet could see right through the guise. Mirage's optics were dull and he looked as if he were under great strain.
"I don't like the look of you energy levels," Ratchet said. "I'm not clearing you for duty until these levels come up. You need a few long recharges. Are you having memory fluxes?"
"No," Mirage replied. He was being mostly honest. While he had had a couple of minor memory fluxes it was Mirage's conscious processor that was making him feel harried.
"Then why do you look like shit?" Ratchet asked humourlessly.
"I," Mirage tried to quiet the hiss of intakes and slow down the pulsing of his spark. He felt cornered, trapped. "Ratchet..."
"No one looks like shit without a reason," Ratchet informed him. "So if it isn't fluxes, what is it?"
"It's just," Mirage tried not to stammer. "I've just been through an ordeal and am not quite myself. I think that's understandable."
"True enough," Ratchet replied grim faced. "Until you're feeling more like yourself you are on medical leave."
"If you insist," Mirage replied, his mouth was set in a thin line and his voice was a perfect mimic to the forced politeness Ratchet remembered from his Towers patients back in Helix when he'd still worked mostly out of the Academy. Ratchet hated the tone. It meant deception but he wasn't going to get anywhere with Mirage by locking him in the medbay. With any luck Hound would get to the bottom of whatever was eating at Mirage.
Mirage slid off the berth and walked away with such a stiff posture that Ratchet was certain he was barely containing his anger. Hound was waiting just outside the medbay doors, he was about to wish he hadn't been.
"What did you say to Ratchet?" Mirage asked, he was fuming. His optics weren't dim but rather burning with anger.
"What?" Hound said, surprised by both the question and Mirage's anger. "I didn't say anything."
"Just stay out of it Hound," Mirage ordered. "I don't need you meddling in my life."
"'Raj!" Hound called to him, panicked as Mirage stormed off.
"Leave me alone, Hound," Mirage shouted without look back. Hound stared after him, anguished. The medbay doors opened behind him and Ratchet looked on as Mirage disappeared down the hall. A deep frown scoured lines over Ratchet's faceplates.
"'Raj," Hound mumbled. Ratchet put a servo on his shoulder.
"He has to sort himself out," Ratchet said. "The Insecticon attack must have effected him more than we realized."
"I'm sorry Hound," Cliffjumper said from behind them.
"Cliffjumper?" Hound asked; he turned around to face the minibot. Cliffjumper looked stricken with guilt, and he hung his head.
"I spoke to Ratchet about Mirage," he confessed. "I thought he was in trouble and I asked Ratchet to keep him off the duty roster."
"Why?" Hound asked. While Mirage definitely seemed to need more time off, he didn't understand why Cliffjumper cared. Unless, of course Cliffjumper had finally come around.
"I'm sorry," Cliffjumper apologized again. "It's all my fault. I was an aft and accused him of being a traitor and he got himself hurt trying to prove himself. I was wrong. I should've known better. Mirage saved me and it's like I just forgot all about it. I can't make it up to him but I didn't want him to get hurt anymore. And now he's blaming you, and I'm sorry and it's all my fault."
"Oh, Cliffjumper," Hound said. That was unexpected, to say the least. "It's okay. I'm glad you talked to Ratchet. You know you can make it up to Mirage. I know he considers you a friend, albeit a challenging one. Maybe you can get him to talk to you seeing as I'm now a persona non grata."
"I don't think he's going to want to talk to me," Cliffjumper replied.
"I don't know about that," Hound said. "Could you at least try?"
"Sure," Cliffjumper replied. "I just need to find him first."
The first place Cliffjumper went in search of Mirage was his berth room. When Mirage didn't answer, Cliffjumper overrode the lock with the code Hound had taught him back on Cybertron. Mirage wasn't in the room. If Cliffjumper hadn't known that this was Mirage's room, he would have thought it vacant. There was nothing of personal value in the room. No pictures, no trinkets, the room contained Mirage's berth and a desk. He didn't even have a TV. A few data pads sat in a neat pile on the desk and a few more sat just as neatly on a small table by his berth. Hundreds of books could be loaded onto one pad. Either the only things Mirage did in his room was read and recharge, or he brought his work home with him. The room made Cliffjumper's spark ache. It hadn't changed at all since he'd last been in it. Mirage had nothing of his former life, no mementos of his youth. Then again, how could he? He'd never had a chance to go home and take back a picture or a toy. Hadn't Hound ever given him anything since they crashed onto Earth? Or did he give Mirage the pads? Was it possible that Mirage had no good memories here?
Cliffjumper couldn't stay in the impersonal room any longer; he needed to find Mirage now. But he promised that he would give Mirage something to make the room his own. Mirage wasn't in the common room either. Cliffjumper thought about asking if anyone had seen him but thought better of it. Brawn and Huffer were already bemoaning Mirage's extended leave.
"Probably hamming it up so he gets a vacation while we do all the work," Huffer complained.
"Getting made to look like a hero," Brawn added. "Can't believe anyone is buying it."
"Mirage had an Insecticon burrow in his processor," Cliffjumper said, boiling with anger at his two friends. "I think he could use a break."
"Oh that's just a cover for what he was really doing," Brawn said. "You don't actually believe that Towers mech, do you?"
"I saw the thing come out of his helm!" Cliffjumper snapped. The room quieted as other Autobots began listening in on the argument. "He didn't do that to himself."
"Course he did," Huffer said. "What better way to trick Prime into letting him back here."
"He didn't lie," Cliffjumper shouted. He couldn't believe he was having this argument but the horrible realization that this was what Mirage dealt with every day was just too much to bare. "No wonder he never comes to the common room. No wonder he put himself in danger like that. He was trying to prove himself to everyone and no one cares. No one cares if he's hurt. No one gives a Pit."
"What're you a Towers lover now?" Huffer asked snidely.
"Slag off," Cliffjumper snapped. "You're worse than Decepticons."
"Why you," Brawn stood up, spewing expletives and ready to give Cliffjumper the fight the red minibot only now realized he wanted.
"Enough," Prowl ordered from behind Cliffjumper. "There will be no fighting in the common room, or anywhere else in the Ark proper. If you want to bash each other's faceplates ask Ironhide to give you a training exercise."
"Sorry Prowl," Cliffjumper apologized. "I'm out of here."
Cliffjumper had known Brawn and Huffer said these sort of things. Them and Powerglide and Gears were always running their mouths about something, and more often than not, about Mirage. He'd always sat back with Bumblebee or Windcharger and tried to ignore their diatribe. Mirage must have known it too, from the moment he had stepped on the Ark, Cliffjumper had sat with those 'Bots while Mirage had hung around with Hound, acting like he didn't hear anything. How could he not have?
And at some point Cliffjumper had started to believe the garbage those other minibots were always spouting while forgetting that Mirage had been a good friend to him. Cliffjumper felt like such an aft. He needed to find Mirage and to tell him how sorry he was for how he'd been acting since after Helix. But where would Mirage be? Rather than scour the entire Ark, Cliffjumper went to the security room. There were cameras all over the Ark, wherever Mirage was, Red Alert and Inferno would know.
"Mirage?" Red Alert asked when Cliffjumper arrived at the security room. "He's not on any of my monitors."
"I saw him heading towards the damaged sectors," Inferno said. "A while ago, I thought he was looking for something, or someone."
"Out of view of my cameras," Red Alert commented with more than his normal anxiety in his voice. "He'd better not be up to something."
"Easy Red," Inferno soothed.
"He's having a rough time," Cliffjumper said, jumping to Mirage's defence. "He must have gone there to be left alone. Don't worry, I'll get him to come out."
"Don't trigger a collapse," Inferno warned.
"I won't," Cliffjumper replied, and set off for the damaged sectors deep inside the Ark.
Cliffjumper stepped through the doorway that led to the collapsed hallway that marked the beginning of the damaged sectors. Only a few lights in the hall were still operational. Sticking close to the wall, Cliffjumper looked around the the largely sealed off hall. The light wasn't so dim as to allow any mech to hide in the shadows, especially not a white and blue mech like Mirage. But he couldn't see Mirage either.
"You're using your generator, aren't you?" Cliffjumper asked the seemingly empty room. "You can see me, and I can't see you, right?"
He knelt down and felt along the wall, hoping to feel his way to Mirage. Only a metre or two from the doorway, Cliffjumper found Mirage. At least he was pretty certain it was Mirage. Cliffjumper felt along the air like a mime but he was actually feeling for Mirage's chassis, his legs, just to confirm that his processor wasn't playing tricks. His servo found the edge of Mirage's chassis; he felt along the invisible chassis and felt the pulse of Mirage's spark. Comfortably certain that this could be no other mech, Cliffjumper stopped feeling around Mirage and sat down next to him, leg to leg.
"Say something," Cliffjumper said. "If you aren't going to turn off that slagging generator, at least say something."
"What Cliffjumper?" Mirage said. His voice sounded strained, and sad.
"Something," Cliffjumper replied. "I'm sorry Mirage. I... Hound didn't talk to Ratchet about you. I did."
"Why?" Mirage asked, appearing immediately next to Cliffjumper. He was leaning back against the wall, one leg bent in front of him, the other stretched out. His servos were both on his bent knee. "You don't really trust me, do you?"
"What? No," Cliffjumper exclaimed. "No I trust you. It has nothing to do with that! I was worried. You aren't yourself and I don't want you getting slagged because you went out on a patrol or something when you weren't ready."
"I just tore into my best friend because you were worried about me?" Mirage asked, incredulous.
"And because you aren't yourself," Cliffjumper argued. "If you were yourself you wouldn't have yelled at Hound for anything. Talk to me Mirage. Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong," Mirage said. "It's not like I was damaged or anything.
"I'm concerned I've underestimated Mirage's injuries," Ratchet said to Optimus after he called the Autobot leader into his medbay.
"How so?" Optimus asked. "I know you haven't cleared him for duty, can you tell me why?"
"I can only guess," Ratchet replied. "He didn't admit to anything but what the Insecticons did to him may not be so cut and dry. Mirage is standoffish, not recharging, and not admitting to having fluxes. But I can almost guarantee that he's having some or at least something is stopping him from resting. I believed him when he said he was basically unaware when the Insecticon was controlling his body. I'm beginning to doubt that. More went on, I don't know what. Maybe nothing else did happen, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Mirage is displaying textbook symptom of a traumatized mech."
"What can we do to help him?" Optimus asked.
"He needs to open up about it and talk to someone," Ratchet said. "He's closed himself off from Hound. And I can't get anywhere with him. Cliffjumper is trying to track him down to have a talk."
"Cliffjumper?" Optimus asked, surprised. "Really? He's come around?"
"And then some," Ratchet said. "He's feeling awfully guilty for how he treated Mirage and he wants to make up for it, if Mirage will let him. If he doesn't open up to Cliffjumper I'm going to have to force a psych eval on him and that might makes things worse."
"Keep me posted," Optimus said.
"Will do," Ratchet replied.
"How can you say that?" Cliffjumper asked he looked up at Mirage, and tried to read his optics. "That thing was buried in your processor. How is that not damaging?"
"There isn't a scratch on me," Mirage said in too soft a voice.
"Doesn't mean you weren't damaged," Cliffjumper replied. He reached up a servo and touched it to Mirage's helm. "You said you didn't feel anything when it was in there. Is that really true?"
"It is," Mirage said in that same too quite voice. "I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't feel anything."
"You were awake," Cliffjumper said with horrified awe. "He trapped you in your processor, and kept you awake?"
"It was dark," Mirage explained. "I couldn't see anything. Not until he started playing back my memories. I don't know if he wanted me to see what he was doing or if he was just digging around in my memory banks and I just happened to see them."
"He was in your memories," Cliffjumper couldn't hide the horror in his voice. "Mirage."
"He knows more about me than anyone," Mirage continued. "He just took it all straight from my processor."
"That doesn't mean he knows you," Cliffjumper argued he had both his servos on Mirage's shoulder now. He knelt next Mirage in order to get a better look at his profile.
"Yes it does," Mirage replied. "He knows how I feel, how I felt about... mechs and I think he wanted me to see because he replayed the same memories for me over and over. I couldn't hear anything but I felt like he was laughing at me."
"He's a dirty 'Con," Cliffjumper said. "He wanted to hurt you. And he did. You're damaged, Mirage. In your spark, in your processor. He might as well have 'faced you because what he did is as much rape as anything else."
Mirage hid his face in his servos. Cliffjumper knelt up and wrapped his arms around Mirage's shoulders and pressed his helm into the side of Mirage's neck. He heard Mirage's intakes hitch and he felt him shake; Cliffjumper didn't make a sound.
"Whenever I offline my optics I see it again," Mirage said there were tears in his optics but they didn't spill. "The memories play back endlessly. I'm scared of the dark because I feel like I'm back there in my processor."
"I don't blame you," Cliffjumper said. "You aren't weak, Mirage. If that's what you're thinking. No mech could come out of that without feeling shaky."
"You think so?" Mirage said. "Because I feel pathetic."
"You aren't!" Cliffjumper insisted. Mirage shuttered his optics, trying to stop the tears. His body shuddered as his memories began to replay.
"Optics open," Cliffjumper ordered, he held Mirage's faceplates and turned Mirage's helm to face him. Mirage onlined his optics and look back at Cliffjumper with such distress. "Something is definitely wrong. We're going back to Ratchet."
Mirage didn't fight him, and didn't argue. Cliffjumper led him, by the servo, out of the damaged sectors. They passed Percepter in the hall. The other mech stepped closer as if to ask what might have been wrong; Cliffjumper's furious scowl scared him off. From talking with Cliffjumper, Mirage was too raw to mask his distress. No one was going to bother Mirage while Cliffjumper was with him, not if Cliffjumper could help it. Ratchet was alone in the medbay when Cliffjumper led Mirage in. The medic leapt into action, pulling Mirage away from Cliffjumper and manhandled him over to a berth. Though he normally gave Ratchet a lot of space when he was working, Cliffjumper stood on the opposite side of the berth and held Mirage's arm with his servos. Cliffjumper relayed what Mirage had told. Mirage was trembling too hard to speak.
"I know you don't want to, but I need you to offline your optics while I run the diagnostics," Ratchet said. Mirage nodded and did as he was told. His whole body tensed and memories played out inside his processor. He reached for and clutched one of Cliffjumper's servos.
"Pit scum licking slagger," Ratchet swore. "Okay Mirage, I see what's wrong. Just one more minute and I'll erase the hack he left in your processor."
The memories stopped cycling in his processor and Mirage onlined his optics. His intakes hissed and his spark pulsed just a little slower. Both Ratchet and Cliffjumper looked down at him. Mirage managed a weary smile.
"He hacked your memory banks," Ratchet said. He wanted very badly to get his servos on the Insecticon so he could take him apart. "I didn't notice it before because it only showed up when you were online but you had your optics offline. I'm afraid I ran my scans when you were offline."
"That's okay, Ratchet," Mirage replied. "I'm glad you stopped it."
"Waking fluxes happen," Ratchet said. "But not like that. Next time, though I hope there isn't one, I need you to tell me when you're suffering like that."
"I thought I was being weak," Mirage explained. "Overly sensitive."
"Don't be an idiot," Ratchet scolded. "I'm sure that kind of thinking came from your slagging creator."
"Yes," Mirage admitted.
"Figures," Ratchet sighed. "You're recharging here, now."
"Okay," Mirage felt his optics dimming and the shutters closing. "Thank you, Cliffjumper."
Mirage was in recharge seconds later. Ratchet vented angrily and gave the berth's read outs a once over, before he turned to look at Cliffjumper.
"I slipped him something that'll help him recharge," Ratchet explained. "I don't know what you did, but you did good, Cliffjumper."
"I guess I just knew what to say," Cliffjumper replied. "I'd love to find the slagger and take his head off."
"My sentiments exactly," Ratchet agreed. "Stay as long as you want; I know you're worried about him."
End Chapter 1
Heading to Bot Con. This fic will be updated once a week after I get back on the 10th.