Title: Laws of the House

Paring: You'll find out in later chapters

Rating: T

Summary: House has new Rules for his team, but is he going to break his own rules?

Disclaimer: NOT MINE

Chapter One: Welcome to Splitsville, Where there's a fine line between Love and WAR!

"I've met someone…"

"You're married, or did you forget that?" House looked up at his only friend, who was standing just inside his office door.

"She's already filed for divorce." James Wilson didn't look too upset by the fact that his third marriage was about to end.

"Another one bites the dust." House laughed off. "You'll never have a successful marriage until you learn to LOVE yourself, Jimmy. And of course by love yourself, I mean get a quick one off at the wrist." House was making rude hand gestures.

"Okay stop." Wilson looked at House in disgust.

"Who is she?" House said wile picking up his ball and chucking it at the wall, catching it with his cane.

"Who?" Wilson was really confused.

"You met someone, and please don't get married. Remember third times the charm. Your third time has passed and no charm."

"No one you know. The reason I came in here was to ask if I could stay with you for a while."

"You already have a key. Why are you asking?"

"Because if I didn't you'd be asking, 'why didn't you ask?'" Wilson did a bad impression of House.

"Anything else you want?" House questioned.

"No, not really. What I can't just bother you in your office?"

"NO, you can't… Why did you tell me you've met someone and left it at that?"

"Can we drop this?"

"No, its interesting. Why'd you say it?" House was still playing with his ball.

"This is not a puzzle for you to solve." Wilson was kicking himself for his mistake.

"Everything's a puzzle, who is she?"

"House, you have a problem." Cuddy came into House's office.

"You need to get laid, your turn." House paused, but Cuddy just made a face at him. "I though we were playing the state the obvious game. What?"

"It's Chase and Cameron. They split up."

"Aww, and I was sure they'd make the best couple in the Princeton Plainsboro High School Yearbook." House mockingly wiped a tear from his eye. "And the problem is?"

"They are refusing to work together. Chase came in asking if I'd transfer him to NICU for a few weeks and Cameron wants to know I'd let her make up your missed Clinic hours."

"Go with the second one." House chose for her.

"House you need to talk to them." Cuddy had an angry expression on her face, but left before House had a chance to say anything else.

House went to the phone and paged his team with a, 'my office 911' page.

"So how's daddy going to deal with his ducklings?" Wilson questioned laughing.

House gave a look, "Keep it up and you'll have to fine somewhere else to stay".

The three rushed into the office completely out of breath.

"Line up." House barked, and the three as they were instructed. "I'm passing a mandate, so take note."

The three looked at him confused.

"No INTER OFFICE dating. Anyone! GOT IT?!" House dictated. "That means NO Chase and Cameron, NO Foreman and Cameron, and NO Chase and Foreman. GOT IT?!"

"What?" Foreman questioned.

"Well it turns out these two love birds been fighting and headed over to Splitsville, but on the trip back both detoured to talk with momma hen for a temporary transfer." He pointed to Chase and Cameron, who were standing on either side of Foreman.

Wilson was sitting at House's desk with an amused expression on his face.

"I have a new case. Twenty year old with continuous abdominal pain." Cameron said trying to hide her blushing face, at the idea of her personal life being aired in front of everyone.