~Matt's POV, and I've made him very vulgar, beware~

A big ass house on a hill. Great. Looks pretty creepy. Even better.

Alright, time for the best part; figuring out why I'm here.

I can't go anywhere else. I don't fucking know why, and I don't know why I'm not questioning it. All I have is this creepy ass house in front of me. That must mean something, right?

I climb up the hill, dead grass littering the yard. Adds to the atmosphere that I wish wasn't spookin' me out.

I push on the wooden door, leading into the seemingly haunted house. 'Pfft, I ain't 'fraid of no ghost,' I think sarcastically. I lead my way into the main room of the house.

It was basically like the void. I was standing in a nothingness. "Um, I don't think this is how this works," I state sarcastically referring to how I was standing on nothing.

Then I see a door on the other side of the nothingness. As I start to walk over to it, I begin to fall.

My pterodactyl screech comes out as I twist and turn in the air.

Well shit, I should take this a bit more seriously.

Then I hear someones voice. I could clearly hear him.

"Baby boy, I think you're right."

"Hey, don't fuck with me Caspar!" I yelled at whatever was talking.

"Caspar?" He laughed "No, no, no. Daddy doesn't like," He sounded like he was having a ball in his alternative ghost fucking realm.

"Can you please just stop? Are you able to maybe just put me on solid ground?" I finally got serious. "I'd appreciate if I didn't go splat either."

"Well, you're no fun. Splat is the best part," Suddenly, my head starts to spin, realizing I'm finally not free falling into oblivion.

"Geez, thanks for the migraine ya douche," I put a hand on my head and try to sit up.

I look up and see that I'm in a Hello Kitty themed, dirty kitchen. I hear clattering of pots and pans, and then see a dude behind the counter.

"Hey! I'll have you know that being a douche makes my job more fun," He points a spatula at me. A fucking spatula.

"The fuck? What even is your job?" I narrow my eyes at the apparent ghost.

"Um, excuse me boi, watch your language," he puts a hand on his hip. God, can he stop acting so gay? "Ryan Magee, giving the best service in guiding the dead to their destination. And baby boy, that attitude won't be getting you into Heaven," He sasses me.

"Pfft, by the sound of it, sounds like you're good at giving other services to baby boys," I instigate him. "And there's no way I'm dead, I was just..."

"Remember something?" He says smugly.

"No... Why can't I remember at least how I died?" My eyes go wide. "You're goofin' me, right? This has to be a joke."

Ryan opens a drawer and and tosses a sharp knife to me. It slides right in front of me. "Go ahead, try it."

He can't be serious, right? He doesn't mean cut myself...

"I said try it. I ain't goofin' ya," His face serious as he speaks.

I shakily grab the knife and hold to my wrist. It's just my mind telling me that it'll hurt...

With a burst of confidence I press the knife down into my skin, and yelp in pain.

Blood gushes from my wrist. "Y-you said it wouldn't hurt you son of a bitch!" I tear up, holding my wrist out to him.

"I didn't say if it would or not. I just wanted you to do it," He grins evilly at me. "Just smile, no one gets out alive, and here is better than there anyway," He walks over to me with his 'Kiss the Chef' apron on, and starts to stroke my hair.

Suddenly, I can faintly hear Shakira singing 'Hips Don't Lie" in the distance.

My vision starts to go blurry, as flashes of neon colors flash in front of me. Munchkins start running around in fucking pink unicorn shit, Pikachu starts to morph into different shapes and his little Pikachu yelp resonates in the air. A hot air balloon pops in the sky and it starts raining jizz.

Then I wake up in bed, instantly sitting up in cold sweats, my breathing heavy.

"Oh my god," I put my hand up to my bare chest and try to calm down. "RyaN WE ARE NEVER DOING LSD EVER AGAIN!" I yell out to wherever Ryan may have ended up last night.

"Tell me about it," I look over to a naked Ryan laying next to me wearing a Minecraft Steve box head and only having a fucking stuffed four leaf clover plushie covering his dick.

Please god tell me I'm still tripping balls.

~Fin~

Authors note ~ Cheers to this shitty oneshot where Matt is having a bad trip xD

I love this fanfic so much, I'm glad I wrote it all hopped up on Capri Sun Lemonade

Thanks for reading, Nikki out Homie Slices :)