Agent Melinda May sat at the bar looking at her boss. The conversation had been uncomfortable for her, talking about her and Ward. Somehow Phil managed to make it less awkward than she expected, he always did, but now she needed to discuss something that would be uncomfortable for him. She took a breath to steady herself as she set her tea back on the bar.
"Skye requested a moment alone on campus." She figured it was as good a place to start as any. Coulson looked toward the floor, staring at nothing. "You told her didn't you?"
"I had to." He replied quickly, his voice softening. May sighed.
"Must have destroyed her to hear all that." She said with a small shake of her head. He locked eyes with her once more.
"That's the thing about Skye," he began wistfully. "What I told her shattered her world. Her life-long search led to stories of murder, and now it's too difficult to continue. Her search is over, her story ends here. But you know what she said?" His voice was soft and May began to realise just how important the young hacker had become to him.
"Tell me." May's voice was soft as she realised how emotional this discussion was getting. There was a spark of something in his face as he replied. May couldn't decide if it was wonder, pride or admiration. Just how close had those two gotten?
"She said 'no'. Her story started here. Her whole life, she thought she wasn't wanted. That she didn't belong, that every family that took her in didn't want her to stay, didn't care. But all that time it was SHIELD, protecting her, looking after her. That's what she took away from this story. Not the family she'll never have, but the one she's always had." His voice had become husky with emotion and May thought she almost saw a sad smile creep onto his face before he continued.
"Here I am telling her something that could destroy her faith in humanity, and somehow she manages to repair a little piece of mine." He took a breath and May decided it was all three emotions. It was wonder, pride and admiration, and probably some awe as well. He was close to her. She was important to him and May wondered if it had happened a little too fast.
"She's important to you." May said softly. She had to admit she felt a bit of admiration towards the girl herself after what Phil had just told her. Coulson seemed to reel himself back in and compose himself as he answered.
"She's a member of my team." He replied wondering if he should tell her just what made Skye important. May leaned forward, her voice softening to an almost whisper.
"It's more than that, isn't it?" Phil blew out a half laugh. Hiding from her was impossible. May knew him too well.
"Yeah." He sighed and moved to the other end of the bar and slid onto a stool, leaving a gap between them. He thought back to that moment when he knew, when he discovered just how exceptional she was. May said nothing, waiting for him to speak again, and he would. He wouldn't have sat down if he didn't want to share, even if it was only subconsciously.
Phil Coulson closed his eyes and took a deep breath. May was one of his closest friends and yet she didn't realise how much this one little thing was hurting him. Hell he hadn't realised until Skye had made him painfully aware. Not that Skye noticed it. She barely knew him after all. But thinking back to that day, even now, more than a month later, his heart ached as he remembered that moment of painful realisation. He was speaking again before he even made a conscious decision to.
"When this thing with Skye began, back at The Hub, and I found that unredacted file that she was looking for," He paused, staring at the glass top of the bar between his arms. "I told her an un-named SHIELD agent dropped her off at the orphanage, and she hugged me." He looked up at May and she thought he looked a little lost. "I gave her next to nothing and she hugged me like I'd given her the greatest gift and it surprised me." May's eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. It seemed like the action itself was important in what he said, not the reason for it.
"You hug people all the time." May said but Phil shook his head.
"No." He refuted immediately. "Not since New York. Not since I…" He trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. "Since then it's like most everybody has kept me at arms-length. Like no one wanted to get close, so I did the same. I didn't even notice I was doing it until she…" he trailed off again and May sat back, stunned.
"No one? Not one person?" she asked. Phil shook his head.
"Audrey thinks I'm dead. Clint might have, Nat would have." He grimaced like he'd just divulged one of the Black Widow's darkest secrets. "Like I said, I didn't even notice. But in that moment it hit me and it was like a wound I didn't know about healed over. One little hug and a pain I didn't know I had disappeared. So yeah, she's important to me."
May slid off her stool and took a step around the one that was between them. He immediately knew what she was going to do and he slipped off his own seat and took a step away, raising his hand to stop her. "Don't." he added gently.
She froze and he felt a little guilty. But he didn't want her to hug him just then. He didn't want her doing it just because of what he'd said. She seemed to realise it because she took a half step back and sighed.
"I just don't want you to think that I'd…" Her soft voice was interrupted before she could finish.
"I know. I know. But that… I know it's never really been a big thing with you especially not after…" He left the sentence hanging, not wanting to bring her own demons up right then. "It's okay, really." He drew in a breath to compose himself and he turned to leave. He managed a couple of steps before her voice stopped him.
"Phil." He turned back to her and it seemed to him that a little softness that she had been missing for some time was reflected back to him through her eyes. "If you ever needed, or even wanted…I could, no, I would…" She didn't seem to know how to finish and he offered her a small smile.
"I know… Thanks." She offered him a small smile back and he left May to her now cold tea.