The following is an Animorphs fanfiction.
Usual disclaimers.
THE PSYCHE
Part Three
My name is Jake.
I've been some unusual places since becoming an Animorph. I went into G-space and traveled back in time to the dinosaur era, but neither one on purpose. I've also been to a couple of other planets. Last, but not least, I've been inside the body of my best friend. I thought it couldn't get any weirder than that. Well, as Marco told his father, "Never say it can't get any weirder. It always does."
You see, my conscious mind as been taken out of my body and put in Ax's subconscious. Ax has broken under the pressure. That's something I never expected. I thought that I'd be the one to snap. Mary, she's a long story, has put us in Ax's mind to try to help fix his thoughts. Now here we are, and I'm looking at myself.
Mary had told us we could meet images of ourselves. I just wasn't expecting to see myself this soon.
He will not recognize you. You should not let him know who your really are.
"Who are you," my other image asked. We came up with fake names.
Don't mention me, said Tobias. He'd flown out of sight. No sense in arousing suspicion.
"I am Prince Jake," said my image. "Leader of the Earth Resistance movement. The force behind a cause that may be lost."
I wondered about that. Did Ax think that I wondered if fighting the Yeerks was a lost cause? If he thought that, he was right. Perhaps Ax was starting to doubt me. That was O.K.. I was doubting myself.
"We're here to see Ax," I said.
"If you feel you can trust him, feel free."
"Don't you trust Ax?" asked Cassie.
"I no longer know," said my image. "He betrayed me. Struck me unconscious and violated my order. That cannot be tolerated from a aristh, perhaps he does not belong with us."
When I heard that, I knew had been too silent. I'd told Ax that understood why he'd done what he had, that maybe he'd done the right thing, but he was not to separate from the group's plan again. There should have been more dialogue.
"Ax does belong with you and he always has," I said. "He did what he felt was right. It wasn't betrayal; it was desperation. Ax did not violate his oath to you. He is and will be loyal. You must know that."
I added to myself, "And you must let Ax know you know that."
"I do not fully understand why he felt the need to go so far as knock me out."
"Ask him," said Cassie. "Let him know that you're open to his explanation."
"Ax is one of the group," said Marco. "When one of the group strays, you guide him back and ask
him why. Don't judge the reason til you've heard."
There were a few moments of silence.
"I suppose you're right," said my double. "I'll give Ax an opportunity to explain."
"So will I," I thought.
We said good-bye to my double and went on our way.
I didn't think that Ax was still that upset, said Tobias.
"Neither did I" said Rachel. "He just doesn't talk much."
"Maybe we need to listen more," said Cassie.
Part Four
My name is Marco.
Not long ago my friends and a group of aliens went inside my body. That was strange. Now we're someplace even stranger. We're inside Ax's mind.
The pressure of war are getting to him. It's getting to all of us of course, but I thought Ax would be the last to cave in. Now he has, and we've got to help him.
We rounded a corner in the corridors of Ax's mind. There, leaning against a tree, was Ax himself. Well, not exactly, it was Ax except that he was colored yellow.
Have you ever seen a yellow Andalite?
No, I guess you haven't. Well, it was a new experience for me too.
That wasn't the problem though. The problem was that he looked miserable. We went to see what was wrong.
Are you all right? asked Tobias as he perched overhead. The yellow Ax looked at him.
Nothilt? he asked.
Yes, said Tobias, are you all right?
No, I have betrayed myself. My morals, my standards.
He told us about the threat he had made to Visser Two. How he wasn't sure if would have used the bomb. How he had felt barbaric.
"I understand," said Cassie. "I've done things that I regret. Things that I thought were terrible. But I didn't do them because I wanted to. I did them because I had two."
"Did I have to threaten hundreds of lives?"
"Maybe," I said. "You did to save billions of lives. We humans have a saying, 'The lesser of two evils.' Between letting millions die and threatening hundreds, maybe the latter is better."
"Don't forget why you did it," said Cassie. "It wasn't to hurt the hundreds, it was to save the billions."
It was, said the yellow Ax (who now had blue speckles,) but it still seemed a hateful thing to do.
"Perhaps it was necessary," said Jake. "Remember the saying, 'Love the warrior, but hate the war.'"
"You actually stopped a second war," said Rachel. "I won't say the end justifies the means, but I can say your motive was just."
Don't fall completely into guilt Ax, said Tobias. Guilt might have a place, but don't let it control you. If you do, it will destroy and you're need.
While we were talking to him, his blue spots grew into blotches. Now, he was blue with yellow
speckles. Maybe yellow signifies guilt in the Andalite culture. At any rate, he seemed less unhappy.
Perhaps you're right my friends, he said. I will consider what you said. Thank you.
We left in went on our way. Deeper into Ax's mind.
"This has been easier than I thought," said Rachel.
It's about to get more difficult. As I warned you before, Ax's mind will initially resist. I suggest you go into battle morphs.
To Be Continued