Okay I know every man and his dog has written the "oh no the world is ending we have to confess our feelings and have sex" but here's my contribution. I always loved the song "Animal" by Kesha as a Bellarke song, and there was really no better time to use it as inspiration.
It's just not in Clarke's nature to give up. She's been left for dead more times than she can count, but she's still alive, and she'll be damned if she gives up now, even with the apparent end of the world looming over her.
She does her best to ignore those who have decided they can't be saved, the ones who are living up what they believe to be their last days, instead of spending countless sleepless nights poring over plans, obsessing over options and holding on to any shred of hope the way Clarke has been these past two months. And she'd get it if they were days away from their doom, but they still have four months, if Alie is to be believed, and she can't help being pissed off that so many people seem to have so little faith in her and Bellamy, and her mom and Kane, and their ability to save their people. Haven't they proved it time and time again that they'll stop at nothing to keep their people alive?
"Don't you get it, Clarke?" Raven sighs when Clarke complains to her, on a very rare occasion that Clarke stops to eat. "They don't want to be saved."
And Clarke gets that, to an extent. She spent three months wishing she were dead, and she's so sick of fighting. But now she wants to live. In fact she doesn't think she's ever wanted to live so much as she does now, not when glances over Bellamy, a table away, and he catches her eye and he even smiles and she knows that if they can just get through this there's something there waiting for her. And she thinks she might even get that chance. She truly believes they can save the world together.
"But there's so much to live for," Clarke says desperately, and Raven shakes her head.
"You know I'll do everything I can. But it's been two months, Clarke. None of us have had any brilliant ideas to save everyone. We don't even know where all the reactors are. Did you ever think maybe there's no way out this time?"
"No," Clarke says honestly.
"I'm just saying," Raven follows Clarke's gaze to land on Bellamy. "Maybe you don't have forever."
Raven's words, instead of instilling her with doubt, only serve to spur her on, and she's up past everyone else that night, somehow her thoughts racing and her mind totally blank at the same time. She eventually collapses in a chair, exhausted, and she kids herself that she might actually get some sleep tonight.
"Clarke," a quiet whisper rouses her from across the room and she looks up to see Bellamy standing in the doorway. "You said you'd be twenty minutes. It's been an hour."
"So why didn't you come and get me forty minutes ago?" she manages to joke, despite her exhaustion.
"You should come to bed," he tells her gently, and it sounds so domestic, when really it's just the convenience of sharing a room when there's not enough space for everyone. She hopes one day it can be domestic.
"What difference does it make if I'm here or in bed? I won't sleep anyway," she sighs. Bellamy is silent, and she knows he can't argue because he barely sleeps either. There's too much weight on their chests, and on their shoulders for them to ever get comfortable enough to sleep.
"Come with me then," Bellamy says finally.
"Where to?"
"Do you trust me?"
"You know I do," Clarke says and Bellamy gestures with his head for her to follow him.
He leads her to the rover and she gets in the passenger seat and he starts the engine. She still hasn't learnt how to drive, though she'd like to. There's still a lot she'd like to do.
They head out the gates of Arkadia, the guards letting them through without any questions. Clarke, however, is more inquisitive.
"Where are we going?" she asks.
"Do you have to know everything?" Bellamy snorts and Clarke bites back a smile.
"You know I do."
"I just thought I drive might clear your head," he says. "It's a nice night." Clarke nods and falls silent again, closing her eyes and rolling the window down to let the cool night air blow through her hair.
"Can we get out? I want to walk," she says and Bellamy slows down, stopping on the edge of the tree line. Clarke jumps out of the rover and heads into the trees, Bellamy following her closely.
"It's nice that my mom and Kane got married, isn't it?" she muses.
"Yeah," Bellamy agrees.
"Do you think they did it because they think it's their last chance?"
"I think they did it because they're in love."
"Everyone thinks we're going to fail," Clarke says matter-of-factly.
"Maybe."
"Do you think we're going to fail?" she stops to look at him and he pauses.
"Maybe," he says finally. Clarke sighs. "It's not that I think we're going to fail," he explains. "But you know… what if this is our last chance?" he swallows and Clarke studies his features in the moonlight.
"Our last chance for what?" she asks him. He licks his lips.
"For everything." Clarke shivers at his words, and she opens her mouth to say… something. She wants to tell him she loves him and that they're going to get their chance, but of course she can't promise that. So she stays silent, instead walking on, further into the forest.
"Don't get lost," Bellamy warns light-heartedly. They walk on, and Clarke does her best to rid her mind of thoughts of the end of the world, but it's all she can seem to think about lately. That and Bellamy. She plays his words back over in her head. This might be their last chance. And maybe they'll somehow pull through again, like they always manage to do, but maybe they won't. And what if she never gets to love him like she wants to? Like he deserves? That would be her one true regret.
"Do you see that?" his deep voice cuts through her thoughts and she looks ahead to see light of some kind through the trees in front of them.
"Fire?" she wonders, but she's pretty sure it's not. The colour's wrong, more of an ocean green than the warm orange of a fire.
The two of them head towards the light and she can hear eventually the trees thin out and they're standing in a clearing and she can't help but stare in awe at the sight before her. By the light of day she's sure it could be an ordinary spring, but now, in the early hours of the morning –
"It's glowing," Bellamy says incredulously, and he looks so astonished that Clarke realises he's probably never seen anything like this before. She herself had almost forgotten things like this exist in this world.
"On our first night…" she starts, and she has to pause at the memory of Finn, "Finn and I saw something like this. The plants… they were glowing."
"Do you miss him?" Bellamy asks, and she's startled, because no one has ever asked her that before.
"I don't know," she answers honestly. "I try not to think about him. Or about Lexa…" she trails off, swallowing. A second later she feels Bellamy's hand slip into hers, squeezing gently, giving her the comfort she needs, yet also somehow making her lose her breath, and she has to remind herself that she can't do this with him yet.
"Bellamy…" she says hesitantly.
"It's okay, Clarke," he tells her. "You're allowed to miss them."
"It's not that," she sighs. "It's just… I can't…" she pauses, and he's looking at her so intensely that she almost has to look away. "I want you to know that I…" she starts again and she doesn't think she's ever had so much trouble speaking. "Everyone I love dies," she settles on finally, and hopes he can read between her words, see it in her eyes the way he's always been able to with everything else, except the way she really feels about him. He's silent, and she doesn't know if he gets it, but then he finally speaks, quietly but surely.
"Clarke, they didn't die because you loved them," he says. "But did you ever think maybe you love them because they died?"
She doesn't have anything to say to that. She doesn't remember when she started loving Finn or when she started loving Lexa, and it makes her think maybe he's right. And it doesn't mean she loved them any less. But memories are easier to love than real people.
"You think it's safe to swim in?" she asks gesturing to the glowing spring.
"You only live once, right?" Bellamy grins, pulling his shirt over his head. Clarke rolls her eyes but she admires the view in spite of herself because the world is ending after all and Bellamy's bare chest is one of the beauties of the world that needs to be appreciated. He catches her watching but doesn't say anything even as she flushes, just pulls off his pants and slides into the water. Clarke follows his lead, stripping down to her underwear and slipping into the spring.
"It's warm," she says in surprise.
"Probably from all the radiation," Bellamy says seriously.
"You're right, we're probably going to die from radiation now," Clarke deadpans.
"Was that a joke?" Bellamy smirks at her.
"Maybe," Clarke says coyly. "In all seriousness though, it is beautiful," she sighs, closing her eyes in a moment of bliss.
"Very romantic," Bellamy agrees, and she has to open an eye to see if he's joking or not, but she still can't tell, so she opens both eyes.
"Bellamy," she says and he swims over to her, just inches away.
"What is it?"
"What if we really fail this time?"
"Then… then at least we'll know we did everything we could."
"Everyone thinks we should be doing this differently. Me and you, I mean. Raven… my mom… they think it's now or never."
"Listen," he tells her earnestly, his face illuminated gently by the glowing pond. "It doesn't matter what everyone thinks. Whatever we are, whatever you want. It's enough for me."
"What if this really is our last chance?"
"For what?"
"For everything," she whispers, and she thinks she hears his breath hitch.
"Then… I feel like I should tell you, if you don't mind hearing it…" he says cautiously and she doesn't say anything so he goes on, "I love you."
She already knows, of course, but hearing it out loud is something different and she feels a rush of emotions she can't possibly put into words.
"You don't have to say anything back," he assures her. "I just thought you should know. Just in case."
"Bellamy," Clarke says hoarsely, her heart racing.
"Yeah?"
"I want you."
"You have me."
"No, I want you," she says, more fiercely than she intends.
"Oh," he breathes, and Clarke closes the distance between them, closing her eyes as their lips meet, and Bellamy pulls her closer, crushing her to him as he kisses her back. Kissing him is easy, like she's done it before, a million times, though she didn't know until this moment how much she longed for it. And she wants him to keep kissing her, forever, again and again, every day until the end of time.
"I love you," she says, her mouth pressed against his, and he pauses for a moment. "I love you," she repeats, and that spurs him on again, kissing her harder now, not holding back anything. And maybe they're going to die, but for now she's alive.
She guides his hands where she wants them, which is everywhere, but he seems to know exactly where to touch her to make her whine in pleasure. He doesn't bother trying to tease her and she comes quickly and almost silently, his fingers inside her.
"Bellamy," she pants as she comes down. "Make love to me."
"Anything you want," he murmurs, but she knows he wants it too. She breaks away from him, climbing out of the pool and Bellamy follows her. She shivers as she turns to him and he kisses her gently before slowly peeling off her wet underwear, then his own before he fucks her in the soft grass beneath them, slowly and sweetly, kissing her the whole time, like his mouth can't bear to be away from hers. She knows how he feels.
She clutches him to her as she comes again, crying out his name this time, and Bellamy's own release comes shortly after. He wraps his arms around her, and she's content, happy, even, in his embrace until the cool night air gets to her.
"We should go back," she whispers. "It will be morning soon."
"I know," Bellamy sighs, and somehow they bring themselves to get dressed and walk back to the rover, the sun just peeking over the horizon by the time Clarke climbs into the passenger seat.
"Let's not tell anyone yet," she says as Bellamy starts the engine. "Let's just… get through this."
"We're going to make it," he assures her, and somehow she believes him. She's more determined than ever to find a way to save everyone.
"Bell?" she says after a long but comfortable silence.
"Mmm?" he responds absentmindedly, the gates of Arkadia coming into view.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything."