A/N: I got the idea for this little baby after hearing about President Obama's declarations to degrade ISIS. He also said that he would not order combat troops on the ground to fight ISIS and it made me wonder exactly how he and the US Congress plan to accomplish that without getting into an even bigger war. This led me to wonder if the President can give a direct order, of a non-national security matter, to a private citizen. My conclusion is the President can give the order, but a private citizen is not required by law to answer or comply. And in a Modern ASoIaF AU, how exactly would that play out? Enjoy!
Jamie Lannister stuck his head into the Oval Office, hand to the headset in his ear. "Mr. President, your ten o'clock is here."
"Well don't keep me waiting, Uncle. Send him in!" Joffery Baratheon-Lannister spun around in his chair, hands folded in front of his face.
Jamie nodded, slightly irked at the way his Commander in Chief always regarded him so unprofessionally, and stepped out into the hallway. Jamie Lannister was a pretty boy in his prime who had the job of a lifetime protecting one of most iconic celebrities in the world. For that's all Joffery was-a celebrity. Some would say that the President only got the job through his 'connections' in the Senate, specifically his grandfather Senator Tywin Lannister. They would be absolutely correct. But Joffery had a tendency to act as if he had earned the position, rather than having it handed to him through multiple bribes and threats to vote-counters, members of both political parties, and many federal judges. No, Joffery was a spoiled brat who had an entire country handed to him-he had not earned a bit of it.
A moment later Jamie returned with Sandor Clegane. "You wanted to see me, Mr. President?" Sandor plopped down on one of the sofas and put his muddy combat boots on the coffee table, ankles crossed. His black hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. With his simple black on black suit and slicked back hair, he wasn't exactly the typical ex-Secret Service agent.
Joffery grit his teeth and attempted a smile. "Yes Mr. Clegane, I did. I see your wounds from the Camp David incident are healing up well."
"Not that you gave a rat's ass to begin with Mr. President, even though it was your father I was rescuing from that damn car bomb," Sandor barked out. He had multiple third degree burns on half of his face; most of the burns were grafted but none of them had improved his features much. "But don't worry; I see you got Golden Boy uncle over here to protect you from any dangers like that. Unstable extremists that is."
Joffery's ears turned red and he bit out, "We sorted that bit with the Blood and Fire cult out. And the social media approval ratings are up I'll have you know-"
"I don't give a shit about your approval ratings Mr. President so just cut to the goddamn chase. What. Do. You. Want?"
"That's no way to speak to your Commander in Chief, Clegane." Jamie spat out from his post by the door.
"He's not my Commander in Chief anymore, Lannister. I'm done with the military and the dirty politics of this country. So I'll say it again, boy, what do you want?"
"I am not a boy!" Joffrey leapt out of his seat and slammed his fist on the desk in front of him. "Remember your place Clegane! Or I'll see that you remember it in Guantanamo Bay!"
Sandor stared at him in tightrope-tense silence. Finally Joffery ran his fingers through his hair, straightened out his suit, sat down and began, "We know that your new position at Stark Security Industries is going very well, Clegane. You do like it there don't you?"
Sandor continued to sit silently as the President continued, "We heard through the our sources that Eddard Stark is doing some research into the Baratheon-Lannister family tree as well as the private funds of Senator Tywin Lannister."
"If you wanted to know what my boss was up to, you could have asked him yourself," Sandor rolled his eyes.
"But that would prove extremely unsuccessful; everyone knows old 'Icy Ned' is as tightlipped as that Sansa of his is tight-assed."
"No need to get personal just because she rejected you," Sandor smirked. "So your sources thought I would be the weak link? Damn, your intelligence is low."
"She didn't reject me. She wishes I would stoop to her level," The President huffed. "But I digress, we did think you would be more willing to…share information if we played a game of 'You show me yours and I'll show you mine."
Sandor eyed them both suspiciously, "You think you've got dirt on me? I'm a model fucking citizen."
"These pictures prove otherwise," Joffery smirked. He pulled a thick manila folder out of his desk and tossed it onto the coffee table near Clegane's feet. Sandor glanced quickly between the pair of them. He placed his feet on the carpet, gingerly picked up the folder and opened it.
The simple folder contained photos of Sandor participating in almost every illicit activity on the planet. Buying drugs, picking up prostitutes, brawling outside multiple clubs; if it was illegal activity, there was a photo of Sandor partaking in it. Sandor nodded seriously and placed the pictures back in the folder.
"These photos are enough to land you in any prison I choose, Mr. Clegane. All the greats-maximum security, hidden locations, or even a Mexican prison with the right phone call. I suggest you think over this game very very carefully," Joffery leaned back in his high back leather chair.
"Name your price," Sandor said gravely.
Joffery grinned with the smile of a predator who had successfully captured its prey. "Any information you or your employer has obtained concerning the funds of Senator Tywin Lannister needs to be removed from the Stark Security databases, immediately following this meeting."
"Also, any information regarding the Baratheon-Lannister genealogy will be eradicated instantaneously," Jamie cut in from his corner, his lips pursing.
Joffery rolled his eyes, "Yes apparently the genealogy and birth records hold some level of importance and Grandfather is very insistent upon the," he made finger quotes in the air and spoke in a disdainful tone, "immediate disappearance of those wretched papers for the good of our legacy."
Sandor nodded and placed his feet on the ground. After considering carefully for a moment, he folded his hands carefully and leaned forward to get a bit closer to the President and his head of security. "Go fuck yourselves."
Jamie Lannister put his hand on the holster of his gun and asked, "What did you say, Clegane?"
Joffery leaned forward over his desk, palms down on the surface in front of him. "Do you realize what you're saying Clegane? I shall have you thrown in prison for such talk-"
"On what charges?" Sandor smirked.
"You saw those photographs-"
"All I saw were some badly photo-shopped photographs with my burned side switching sides of my face in every other picture. You have no proof. You have no warrant for information obtained by and in the possession of a private company. This is a pathetic attempt at blackmail. So again I say, go fuck yourselves," Sandor smirked and stood up.
"We also have information regarding you and Sansa Stark," Jamie threw out in the desperate manner of a man grasping at straws.
This statement gave Sandor pause. "And what would that be?"
"We know she's pregnant. And we know it's yours. It would be a shame if something would happen to the happily expecting mother," Joffery spat.
Sandor stormed over to Joffery's desk and leaned over until he and the President were nose to nose. Reaching forward, Sandor groped under the desk and ripped out the recording device. As the wires sparked in his hand he whispered menacingly, "Now you listen here Mr. President, she is my family. And if you ever threaten my family again, I will destroy your precious family legacy and all of its members with it."
President Baratheon-Lannister turned white and beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. "How-how dare you-!"
"No how dare you! You are supposed to be the leader of the free world but you're threatening an unborn child for reasons you don't even understand but only because that damned grandfather of yours told you to. Fuck you Mr. President," Sandor walked towards the door and got right in the head of Secret Service's face.
"Oh and Jamie, you might want to control your son more, before he starts World War Three during a temper tantrum," Sandor quipped as Jamie turned a vicious combination of white and green.
"What is he talking about Uncle?" Jofferey sputtered.
"Those genealogy records your precious Tywin wants destroyed? They prove you're not a Baratheon at all, just a Lannister," Sandor said with a mix of disgust and determination. "Hey Jamie, how's it feel to know that your big secret, your big incestuous secret is out?"
Jamie pulled back to punch Sandor but Sandor just grabbed his fist and squeezed. "Your uncle is really your daddy, Mr. President, oops. Guess they forgot the condom."
Joffery laughed a defiant laugh of disbelief. "That's impossible. Robert Baratheon is my father. You offer a rambunctious lie to defend yourself. Mother would never do such a sick thing, Clegane. Release my Uncle this instant."
"It's no lie, Mr. President," Sandor released Jamie's hand and turned back to face Joffery. "I've got pictures too. But unlike yours, these aren't photo-shopped."
Sandor reached into his inner coat pocket and dropped photos on the President's desk. They were clearly explicit photos-starring Jamie and Cersei Lannister.
Joffery turned and barfed into the trashcan beside the desk.
Sandor heard the tell tale sound of a gun's safety clicking off. "Those photos will never see the light of day, Clegane."
Turning around, Sandor sneered. "They will. The only way those photos will stay away from every newspaper and magazine in the world is if I walk out of this meeting alive and make it back to Stark Security in," Sandor checked his watch. "Half an hour. If I don't, Sansa will send the email to the Enquirer, the Times, and the Herald. And it will only spread from there."
"What's your endgame?" Jamie asked, still not lowering his weapon.
"Joffery Lannister resigns his post. He's damaging this country and it's morale more than anyone cares to admit. Tywin Lannister removes any spies he has employed at Stark Security. Also, just for the hell of it, Cersei has to shave her head and say it was for charity."
"If any of these conditions aren't met, the photos will be released and eyewitnesses will testify to their validity."
Grimacing at the putrid smell and awful twist his life had taken, Jamie Lannister lowered his weapon. "It will be done."
"Have a fucked up life Lannister," Sandor said as he pushed past Jamie, the President's retching echoing pleasantly in his ears. "I don't expect I'll be hearing from you anytime soon."
xXx
BREAKING NEWS-FORMER FIRST LADY LOSES LUCIOUS LOCKS
In an interview with D.C. Herald, Cersei Lannister reveals that she has shaved her head in order to raise awareness for breast cancer. She has donated her formerly waist length hair to Locks of Love, an organization that creates wigs for cancer patients.
xXx
PETYR BAELISH, CFO OF STARK SECURITY INDUSTRIES, RESIGNS SUDDENLY
Baelish resigned suddenly last night after a mysterious accident on the fourth floor of Stark Tower. Although mostly unmaimed, Baelish has resigned his post and will be enjoying a well deserved rest in Miami.
END.