AN: In response to a comment on saying Arizona isn't a fan of penises, I want to make sure we're all on the same page here: Arizona is a lesbian. She is not a fan of men (at least as far as sexual/romantic partners go). She is interested in women. A trans woman is a woman. Period, full stop, end of discussion.
Questions at professional conferences tend to fall into one of three categories: those intended to make the presenter look stupid, those posed to make the asker look good, and those that someone blurted out just to fill the silence after the presentation. As the lecture droned on, Arizona jotted down the occasional note and fumed. Nearly half the session still remained, but the list of questions Arizona had prepared most certainly fell into the first category. If nothing else, she didn't want any of the other doctors present to leave this conference thinking that the course of action recommended by this lecturer came anywhere close to approaching the standard of care. By the time she was done with him, this speaker would crawl with tail tucked between his legs back to whatever third-rate hospital had funded his blatantly biased "research."
It turned out that she needn't have worried. As the session reached a close and the speaker asked for comments, another woman beat her to the punch. She sat across the aisle from Arizona, and a row ahead, and shot to her feet the moment the floor opened for questions. She cut an imposing figure, nearly six feet tall with a thick afro and wearing a well-tailored pinstripe suit that accentuated her long and elegant frame. Her manicured nails traced down a list of notes at least as long as Arizona's own as she prodded with question after question, methodically destroying the lecturer's position. By the time the moderator announced the end of the session, half the room had turned to face her, crossing out and rewriting their session notes as they jotted down the information that would actually help them to help their patients. But eventually the question period drew to a close and everyone stood to shuffle out into the halls of the convention center to find the meeting room for their next session or to duck out an hour early and hope to grab a seat at a nearby restaurant before the thousands of other attendees had the same idea.
As the room emptied, Arizona stood and approached the doctor who had so thoroughly decimated the lecturer's argument. "I could swear you were reading my notes."
The woman looked up from packing her notebook back into her bag. "At least there's some of us who know proper patient care for LGBT kids," she said. "For a minute there I was pissed thinking that if I'd missed this session, everyone else in here would have walked away thinking that that conservative dinosaur's course of treatment could pass for acceptable medicine."
Arizona smiled. "I wouldn't have let that happen," she assured her. "But you saved me the blood pressure spike of taking him on. So, thanks for that. I'm Arizona, by the way, Peds surgery." She extended her hand.
"Janet, family practice."
"Are you going to another session now or can I buy you a drink?"
Janet actually paused to scan the conference guidebook before answering. "I think that was my last one for the day, so sure. On the condition you let me buy you dinner in return?" Her dark eyes fixed on Arizona's and a tentative smile accompanied the offer.
Arizona shouldered her tote bag. "Deal."
Arizona honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd had this much fun on a date. She and Callie had both agreed, after that disastrous dinner with Penny at Meredith's house, not to date anyone connected to the hospital. The few women she met away from the hospital either didn't like that she had a child, couldn't handle her long and erratic work hours, or had nothing in common with her outside of being sapphic women.
Janet took her to dinner at a classic Chicago deep-dish pizza place just a few blocks from the conference center. When they finally left the table - after sitting and talking so long that the waiter started giving them sidelong glances and Janet over-tipped to make up for it - they found a bar with live music and a loft with pool tables, where they could drink and play and listen to the music without suffering the crush of the crowded dance floor below.
The problem with traveling for a conference was that it meant walking everywhere, taking cabs, or renting a car. When they left the bar just after midnight, they had almost a full mile to go back to their hotel (they'd both booked through the conference, and were in the same hotel). Arizona leaned on Janet as they walked, a result of both being on her feet all day at the conference and having more than a few drinks that night. Janet wrapped an arm around her waist and didn't seem to mind as Arizona rested against her.
When they approached the hotel doors, Janet slowed. They hadn't actually talked about what they wanted after dinner and drinks. Arizona felt a little like the brash girl who used to kiss strangers in bar bathrooms when she slid her hand down from Janet's hip to her ass. "Come up with me?" she offered.
Janet smiled. "I'd love to." She paused. "Arizona, there is something I should tell you before we go upstairs, though."
Arizona stopped and pulled away from Janet's side so she could turn and look at her. "What is it?"
"I'm trans, so..." she gestured downward, "my stuff looks a little different from most women's. I just wanted to make sure you know before we go upstairs."
Arizona nodded. "Okay," she said. She leaned forward to catch Janet's lips in a kiss. "I have one leg," she blurted out. Usually she didn't put it quite so baldly, but tipsy-Arizona had a tendency to say whatever was on her mind.
Janet laughed. "I know," she said. "You've been saying since we left the bar that you couldn't wait to get back and take your leg off. I don't know how many other scenarios there are where that sentence makes sense, but I figured a prosthesis was the most likely option."
"Right." Arizona grinned.
They fell against each other in the hotel elevator, exploring with hungry lips and wandering hands during the ride up to the 23rd floor. Arizona was glad to have the ADA room right next to the elevator; they didn't have to separate for long to make it from the elevator to her room.
Arizona went into the bathroom to take off her leg; she still didn't like removing it around other people. When she came back out, Janet was waiting for her on the bed. Arizona stopped in the bathroom doorway, leaning on her crutches as she took in the sight. Janet stretched out on the bed in nothing more than her matching pink bra and boy-shorts."You're beautiful," Arizona rasped, her mouth suddenly dry.
Janet flushed, color darkening her warm brown cheeks.
Arizona crossed the room and leaned her crutches against the wall as she sat on the edge of the bed. Then she lay down and rolled over to face Janet. Arizona ran her hand down Janet's side, raising fine goosebumps in its wake. Janet wrapped her in her arms and their lips crashed together again.
At some point, Arizona remembered that she didn't have any protection - dental dams or condoms. She said as much to Janet.
Janet stopped. "I don't have anything either," Janet said. "I wasn't planning on meeting anybody this weekend. Do you want to stop? I think we passed a pharmacy a few blocks away; I could run out and get some."
Arizona groaned. She didn't want to stop. She moved slowly, grinding against Janet's thigh wedged in between hers. "I got tested after my last girlfriend a few months ago," she said. "And came up negative for any STIs. Do you have anything I should know about?"
Janet shook her head.
"Then fuck it," Arizona said. She pulled Janet to her and kissed her deeply. "Let's not worry about it."
- Three months later -
"No, mija, ya te dice que necesitas arrumar tu cuarto antes que salir." Arizona could hear Callie's stern voice before she even reached the apartment. That might have had something to do with the fact that the door hung ajar, Sofia's bag already sitting beside it.
"Mom, that's not fair," Sofia whined, "Mama no me hace-"
"I don't make you do what?" Arizona interrupted as she reached the doorway. Sofia spotted her and her shoulders slumped. Her mothers exchanged knowing looks over her head.
"Nothing," Sofia muttered. She looked to Callie.
"Ten minutes," Callie warned, "and then I'm coming in to check on you." The kindergartener knew better than to argue anymore, but that didn't stop the huff as she turned on her heel and stomped toward her room. Callie sighed and sank back onto the couch, wedging her hips between the armrest and the pile of laundry waiting to be folded. "I'm pretty sure she was about to try to tell me you don't make her clean her room before she leaves your house."
"Ha," Arizona snorted. This habit of trying to play her moms against each other was a relatively recent development and not one either Callie or Arizona approved of. Sofia never got away with it either - Callie and Arizona might not have the best history when it came to their romantic relationship, but their parenting skills were solid. "Eventually she's going to realize that doesn't work."
Callie closed her eyes and leaned her head back into the soft cushion. "I don't know, I've seen some kids do that all the way through to high school - even with parents living in the same house."
Arizona shifted aside a few stuffed animals to clear off space on the loveseat across the coffee table from Callie. She braced her weight on her good knee as she lowered herself into the seat, and couldn't stop the groan of relief as she relaxed. It would take Sofia more than ten minutes to clean her room, so she might as well get comfortable.
Callie frowned at Arizona's groan. The shift from mildly amused frustration at Sofia's antics to concern for her ex-wife happened in an instant. "Long day?" she asked.
Arizona rubbed her left thigh. Though the difference was not visible through her pants, the leg felt swollen and sore. A long day of surgeries had kept her on her feet and now she just wanted to get home and take off her leg for the night. "Not that bad," she deflected. "I've just been tired lately." Arizona hesitated. For the last two weeks she had been trying to find an opening to talk with Callie, and every time they were alone she found an excuse to put it off. "I've actually been meaning to talk with you about something," she said. Her stomach twisted. Arizona ignored it. Sofia was busy and she and Callie were alone. If they were going to have this conversation, it might as well be now, before Arizona couldn't hide it any longer and it came out at the hospital. Everything else in their long and bumpy relationship had come to a head at their workplace and Arizona was tired of dealing with all of their personal issues there. "So maybe while we've got a minute…"
Callie sat forward. "What is it?" She tried to keep a neutral tone, but Arizona knew her too well, knew the fear and worry that hid underneath the cool, guarded tone.
"It's nothing bad. Well, it's…" She stumbled over her words. For two weeks she'd known this conversation would have to happen at some point, but somehow she had never settled on deciding exactly how to bring it up. "You remember when I went to Chicago a few months ago? For the Peds conference?" Callie nodded. "I met someone there."
"Arizona, I thought we agreed we weren't going to do this?" Callie questioned. After Penny, they had both agreed that it was just too awkward to meet each other's romantic partners. They kept their dating out of the hospital - and away from Sofia. If either of them found a serious relationship, then they could talk about introducing their partner to their daughter. But short of one of them finding a new spouse, they didn't want to confuse Sofia with the comings-and-goings of middle-aged romance.
"No, this isn't… It wasn't anything serious. Just one night at the conference. I got paged back here for an emergency surgery the morning after, so it wasn't even a conference-long fling."
"Alright." Callie's stiff posture did not ease.
"We met in a session and went for drinks afterward. And dinner. I invited her back to my hotel room." Arizona glanced down to where her hands rested on her knees - one flesh, one metal. "When we got to the hotel, she had something to tell me before we went upstairs."
Arizona paused, her eyes fixed on the coffee table.. This was not a conversation she had ever imagined she would be having. "I've never been on birth control, never had a reason for it. And she didn't have any condoms with her. By the time we, er, got to that point, neither of us felt like running out to find an all-night pharmacy and get some." Arizona flushed just thinking about how unbearably stupid they'd been. Chance of pregnancy aside, unprotected sex with a one-night stand was never a good idea. "When I got home, I did run an STI panel and came up negative. I didn't even think to check for anything else. Then a couple weeks ago, I realized my period was late. More than two months late."
Callie cocked her head to the side and bit her lip. She was never one to hide her emotions and a smile played at the corner of her mouth. But she kept it contained. "Arizona, you're pregnant? Are you…? Is this a good thing?"
Arizona raised her eyes to Callie's. As much as Callie was trying to hold back her excitement, it leaked through in her voice. There was none of the judgement she'd feared and a wave of relief swept over her. She nodded. "I… I think it is."
The smile Callie had been resisting swept across her face. "W- you're going to have a baby! Oh, god, Sofia is going to be so excited to be a big sister!"
"I haven't told her yet," Arizona said. "I know most miscarriages happen before 8 weeks, and I'm already at 11. But I haven't gotten an ultrasound yet, and I don't want to get her excited before I-"
"Before you hear the heartbeat," Callie finished. She stopped and winced, realizing she'd spoken over her. "Sorry."
Arizona shook her head. Even after their separation, they still tried to work on communicating better. Sofia deserved two moms who could work things out without always fighting. They were both doing better these days, but it was still all too easy to fall into old habits.
"I have an OB-GYN appointment next week," Arizona said. "If that all checks out, then I'll tell Sofia."
"Does the other mom know?" Callie asked. "Is she going with you to see the ultrasound?"
Arizona flushed. She rubbed her eyebrows and sighed. "I want to tell her. She deserves to know. I've been asking around with everyone I know who was at the conference, to see if anyone knows her. But I don't have much to go on - it was a one-night stand almost three months ago. Her name was Jane...Joane...Janet? Something like that. And she's in family practice, but I have no idea where or what hospital she's with. Or even if she's in a hospital at all - family medicine, she could have her own practice."
"Have you thought about getting a PI to help you look?" Callie asked.
Arizona shrugged. "I'm not sure I can afford it," she confessed. It was embarrassing, being a middle-aged surgeon who couldn't afford the mortgage on her own house without a roommate. But they had sunk the money from the settlement into buying the hospital and while she didn't regret that investment, owning a hospital didn't exactly pay dividends - or at least not much. Then there were the pro bono surgeries and the fact she'd cut back on her hours compared to when she had been a childless woman with two legs. Plus, prosthetic legs didn't come cheap. Insurance only covered so much and she was still paying off her new leg that she bought last year. By the time she met her monthly expenses, paid her share of Sofia's tuition at the highly-recommended private kindergarten they had found for her, and put aside a little into Sofia's college fund, there was precious little left. And I'm about to have another child. She paled at the thought and her stomach flipped over. The vomiting wasn't as bad this time as it had been with her first pregnancy, but she almost wished it were. Puking every morning and then moving on with the day would be vastly preferable to this constant nausea that sat in her belly and rushed up to burn her throat twenty times a day.
"I could help," Callie offered. She leaned forward and stretched her hand across the coffee table. Arizona mirrored her movement. The skin-on-skin contact steadied her and stopped the trembling Arizona hadn't even noticed running through her body. Callie squeezed her fingers and Arizona closed her eyes, allowing the soothing touch to help push away the queasiness and discomfort.
"You don't need to…" Arizona said, but her tone betrayed her as the words faded.
"No, it's no problem. If you want to get in touch with Jane/Joane/Janet and tell her you're pregnant, then not being able to find her shouldn't stop you. Let me help you?"