NOTE: I wrote this in a time of deep sorrow, which is what I subtly tried to make a reference to during the run of this quick fanfic. It's nothing special, and my first real go at anything.
I felt the tingle of my skin, as the sun burst it's dazzling golden rays into the atmosphere onces more, as it had all the days before this. It's going to be a warm morning, I thought to myself. The winter was in full swing, and the townspeople below we're surely making a fuss about the cold, as I sat here warm, watching the red ring around the planet that was the expanding daylight make it's way across the shape of the land, so far below. A city burn's out its torches for the daytime, preparing for another day hard on the factory most likely. I imagine the children, brothers, sisters, friends, enemies, all alike playing in the timberyards, undoubtedly being yelled at by the workers that it wasn't an area to play in. Silly children.
The thought of children sticks in my mind as the great Sol sitting out there, so many millions of miles away makes its way around the galaxy, bringing warmth and daylight to all those below and all those beyond. I wonder how a child might think of the sun. How a human might think of the sun. Is it really so special to them? There are so many like them out there. I begin to think back to how I thought the sun worked when I was younger, back home. Ha! Thematic energy, who am I kidding? Such an idea was preposterous of course, just the daft ramblings of an ignorant child.
I let my mind wander a small bit, something I hadn't had the chance to do in a while, with Clara usually around. She was still sleeping at the current moment, probably enjoying her comfortable bunkbed in the back rooms and hallways. I wonder how she feels today, how much she'll look into my eyes with that same yearning that's always there. That longing for me to be something she can... have. I know how she feels about me, though she keeps it secret. Maybe she writes about me in her diary. Does she even have a diary? I can't remember. I'm pretty sure she did. Somewhere. I wonder what she would write. Maybe she thinks my hairstyle is goofy. Maybe she finds my antics to be wild. I'll probably never know. I wonder how often she thinks of me. Probably a lot more than is healthy for her, eventually she'll tear herself apart if she isn't already. Such a beautiful girl she is, but it's such a pain to see her longing eyes.
I let my conscience flow free. I feel the warm feelings that I always get when I imagine Clara. I wonder if she'll ever know how I feel about her, truly. I wish I could tell her, but I'm sure it would only damage her further. She's had quite enough for all the lives she's lived for my sake. But the feeling lingers within me. It's the same as it always had been, but never quite gotten used to. Perhaps one day I can let her know, if not only for closure. Maybe I'll drop a note in her bedroom before she wakes, letting her know I care about her. Maybe I'll try my hand at breakfast again, I've learned from my last mistakes with the pancakes. Those poor pastries too...
I get up from my position seated in the doorway of the blue box, and get to my rather cold feet. A blanket would be nice at the moment, I think as the cold chill and shiver that was inevitably on its way threw a glance at me. I had been sitting in that doorway for around, uh, five hours I think? I can't remember that either. I know Clara had just went to sleep when I made my way out here, though I can't even remember why now. Why had I come out here? To relax? As I ponder the mystery, I realize, once again, that most of my thought processes had been about Clara. Maybe I'm the one who thinks about her too much.
I pass by the console, the beautiful girl. I run a cherished hand along it's smooth, cold outer rim. You're cold too old girl. Perhaps you should take a break for a while, and get some sleep. I reach my hand to the HX058 Lever, and pull the white handles, slipping the TARDIS into a deep sleep mode as she floated around the big blue ball below. There you go. Have a good rest, sexy. I make a smirk to her, and I feel her winking back at me as I slowly leave her to rest, returning to my previous mission. I head underneath the console area for a moment to grab my sticky note maker, and a produce a pen from my chest pocket, writing in nicely sized letters:
Clara,
Meet me in the console room, breakfast is urgent
-Doctor
P.S. - You look pretty as always
That oughta do it. I smile as I think of her smile again, one of the few things that can still really make me happy inside, all the way out here. The steps back up the console are passed inn seconds as I hurriedly make my way back to her room. Being a teacher, she usually didn't sleep much more than five or six hours, so she would likely be waking soon. I had to act quickly. But I passed an all too familiar sight along the way to the back rooms. I dark tan tweed and black pants catch my eye, but the red bow tie is the most outstanding feature. I've ended up in my thinking quarters.
I keep all the old suits I wore as my past selves in here. This one was special, though. I hadn't regenerated when I lost this one, merely, I lost who I was. I lost Amy and Rory, easily my best friends in the entire universe, the one's that really knew who I was and really cared about me. But did I care about them enough? Maybe not. After all, it was my fault I lost them. Perhaps I've learned to be more careful. Perhaps I'll always be this way. Only time will tell.
A particular suit next to that one really garners my attention though. I brown cotton, with lighter brown pinstripes running down the length of the jacket and pants, with a blue undershirt and tie, along with a large brown overcoat to compliment. A mock-up I had made of my old sonic rests in the chest pocket of the overcoat. I smile at it breifly. I remember being ten. How young and naive I was then, but how much fun did I have. My mind really soars back through the memory clouds now, as a memorable blonde comes to mind. Rose. How I still miss Rose. Rose was the first face to see my face after the war. After it all ended. She was the first to see me, after what I had become. The monster that I was. The thing that lived inside me, and I think she was the only one who ever saw that really come out. But that was before I turned ten. Much happier days they were when me and her were together and I was ten. I remember how much she looked at me then with the same yearning that Clara has in her eyes for me now. It's a slightly depressing thought, maybe I'll move on to something else. My mind wanders forward in time from there, to when I met Donna. What a hilarious first meeting, eh? I laugh breifly to myself as I remember all the harsh yellings she had on stand-by just for me, but I remember how much, that, through it all, she still cared about me, and gave up almost everything for me in the end. It's such a shame I can't see her right now. But I know she died happy, finally remembering who I was as I held her hand for a last time. Again, such a shame I can never hold that hand again.
My mind leaves the more depressing thoughts behind for a moment as it begins to focus on another figure nearby to that suit, a black leather jacket over a V-colar t-shirt and dark pants. Ah, me when I was nine. What a beautiful time that was, though short. Rose, again. The thoughts occur. She saved me from becomming something much worse, even though I was bad to begin with. She didn't care about the things I did, she card about who I was. Still wrong of her, but better than the alternative. Even for such a short period, we shared many adventures too. I never forget the way she looked at me then. Not with a yearning for love, but with a yearning for fun. A happiness to just be around me, because I was truly magical to her then, a mystical force emerging from the swamp that seemed to care about her. I pull the mockup sonic out of the inside pocket of the leather jacket, letting the memories the small wooden object instills in me take me over. You've done a great job, old pal. You can rest now. I kiss the emitter end of the mock-up, placing it back inside the pocket and giving it a gentle pat.
I shake my head. I had a mission, to deliver this note. Surely she would wake soon, I have to get it to her before she does. I hurry out of the thinking quarters, trying my best to make sure she wasn't already awake and wandering the TARDIS halls. I makem my way down a long corridor, down a left, right, left, left, right, long corridor, left, and I'm almost there, when I here a small thud. The sound of feet leaving the bed, and impacting the floor. She was awake. But there was still time! I wait for the footsteps to fade, as she made her way to the loo as she always did in the mornings, before I move again, quietly as I can as I curse myself for wearing such boots on a metal corridor hallway. I reach her doorway, as the light of her lamp spills into the hallway, illuminating the red carpet inside the bedroom in a faint orange glow. She was still in the restroom, I could make my move. I dart inside, careful to be quiet as I can, and plant the note gently on her nightstand, where I was sure she couldn't miss it. Yes! I've done it! I share a small victory to myself, doing something that I hoped resembled some form of a dance.
Then the door behind me opens.
"Doctor?" I hear the English female voice hit my ears.
My heart sinks a little. I had been too late.
I turn around to meet the curious gaze of the beautiful woman standing in her nightgown, now ahead of me. "Clara!" I say happily, lighting up as I always did when I saw her. "Good morning, good morning indeed!" I say.
Before I can say another word or react further, the brunette lurches forward and envelops me in her arms, giving me the biggest hug I think she's ever given me, her head resting on the top of my chest as her short height became evident to me, and given my boots had a slight heel to them. She quickly let's go of me, awkwardly, her eyes darting around a little bit as her nervousness became apparent too, "Sorry, sorry, I-I had a, bit of a nightmare."
"Nightmare?" I say, a little cautious. She hasn't had a nightmare in a long time, its worrying that she suddenly had one. "There's no need to worry, Clara, all, well, most dreams aren't real, and I highly doubt your dream had anything to do with reality, unless though a temporal link with the-"
"Doctor!" She quickly hushed me.
"Sorry! Sorry, your dream is absolutely not real. I promise, it's all okay." I let her hug me once more, and I feel her hands pull against me tightly. It must've been a horrible nightmare, I've not seen her this clingy in a while.
"I'm really glad you're okay Doctor. It's good to see you after that nightmare." She says, standing on her tiptoes and pulling me down to give me a little kiss on the cheek.
I feel myself blush slightly, and grow nervous, "Well, I- I would say so, nightmare's are f- no fun! Nightmares are not fun at all." I curse myself inside. I get so nervous when she does that.
She snickers, "Where to today?"
I grin, "Anywhen, anywhere."