I am Yuki Sohma. The one possessed by the Nezumi.

I am lonely. Yes, I have a fan club. Yes, almost every girl –even the ones not in my fan club – and some boys as well call me Prince Yuki Sohma but I am still lonely. It is because those girls and boys don't even know me. They say they do, but they do not. The only person that knows me is Honda-san and even she does not know all of my secrets.

I hate dark rooms. People have told me that there's no need to be afraid of dark rooms. Those people are wrong. They have not been through what I have been through so they do not understand. I would bet my entire fortune that those people were not put in a dark room and told that they were worthless. That no one loved them. That everyone hated them.

I want to be free. I have been told that I am free before but I'm not. I am not free because anyone who is free can have normal friends. I cannot. Anyone who is free can hug other people of the opposite gender without getting yelled at. But I would be scolded if I did, and they would be forced to forget me. Anyone who is free can go through a crowd without being alert. But I have to be alert. Now, tell me that I am free.

I am scared. I am afraid of rejection. I am afraid of loneliness. I am afraid of being abandoned. I am afraid of almost everything but what scares me the most is losing what little ground I have gained since Honda-san came. And of losing her; being without her light. I remember the time when she did leave, however short a time it was, and that I was terrified.

I am lost. Everything around me is darkness except for Honda-san but not even she can light my whole path. And because of that darkness I am lost, unsure of which way to turn. I was the one who found Honda-san so long ago, but even though I found her she was the one finding me. I keep trying to get off that path of darkness but I never succeed. I always fall back down. If it wasn't for Honda-san I would always be on the ground because I would not have someone to pick me up.

I am jealous. I am jealous because of Kyo. He was left out of the Zodiac. I know he still suffers from being part of the curse but he is free from most of the ties for now. Not to mention, so many years before how he had someone to love him. He always could go running to someone if he was hurt. I tried to go to my mother, but often when I did I found myself being reprimanded or even hit. That left only Akito to love me, but his love is a painful and hurtful love. A love that only drags me down and suffocates me.

I am pathetic. I faced this truth long ago. Or, to be more accurate, when I first met Akito. He was the first to make me realize this truth. It is because I'm pathetic that I have to lean on Honda-san for support; that I have to always rely on her instead of going ahead with my life on my own. That is why I am greatly indebted to her. I hate that I owe her so much, when I have to wonder if I can ever repay it.

Everything I told you is merely words. Even more proof of my pitiful self and I hate that. But this is my life… my transparent existence.